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Single In the City

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Is Gay The New Black?

Sticks and stones...

Why People Cheat

My Friend with Benefits?

When He Rocks Your World...

Until Death Do Us Part

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Is Gay The New Black?

August 24th 2009 07:03

It's been a while between drinks folks...

New York called, I had to write a new book...everything was scheduled so heavily..and here I am, one year on.

So back in Brisbane - we had a marvellous weekend of shananigans, and I did want to ask the question, Is being gay the new black?

I found myself in various bars with various gay and lesbian friends, eventually, we were drinking cosmopolitans and champagne alongside several drag queens as well - and I had a fabulous night. No entry fee's, drinks were free, laughter was bountiful.

I think 'gay' IS the new black.

It's addictive.
It's more-ish.

The men that approached me were wonderful, quality chaps. I suppose it takes some gumption to approach a girl surrounded by flamboyant, loud, gay people?

I like a man who's comfortable enough in his own skin to do so.

Afterall, gay men and women are woven into the intricate fabric of my life - part of the motley crew that is my extended circle of love...

So I wonder - are straight men more accepting now of our 'gay' husbands? Or are they just less homophobic these days because we, as a society, are more accepting of same sex relationships??

I hope it's a mixture of both.

There was something so sexy about the way 'Mr Muscles' sashayed over to our table, plonked a bottle of Bollinger down and several glasses, the gay peace offering de jeur!

He sat on the stool beside me, engaged me with his wit and charm and turned to my drag queen friend and commented on the alluring sequined ensemble she was wearing and the tassels that kept getting caught on everything.

I was bewitched by this specimen of 'straight man'.
When had they evolved?
And how on earth did I miss it?

Somewhere between Australia and Europe, en route to New York and back again - the heterosexual Aussie male morphed into something pulverisingly majestic.
Stunningly awesome.

And he came with us to the hottest gay club in town. He got on the podium and danced for me, alongside all the shirtless, gorgeous gay men. And he disolved into fits of laughter with me, all the way home -waxing lyrical about the best night he'd had in forever....

But this brings me to a problem.

Have this new breed of metrosexual men blurred the dating lines for women?
The goal posts have been moved. Perhaps a little too far left of centre.
We can't tell who's gay and who's straight anymore.

Gone are the days of the guy picking you up in his black Lexus, wearing some husky aftershave that tickles your senses.
Now?
Well now these chosen men are wearing Prada belts and Florsheim shoes, using hair products and cleansers and toners and fake tanning...

High maintenance men used to be just my contingent of gay husbands - now? The world has changed...so much so that as I kicked my heels off and grabbed my hand cream - Mr Muscles held out his hand for a hit of the luxurious cream too.

I was uncomfortable.
I got goosebumps.
I felt like I was about to have sex with a gay man.
Unnerving to say the least.

My gay friends were all adamant that Mr Muscles was also gay. He was too comfortable in the gay surrounds, amoungst the gay folk...

Mr Muscles merely said "I have a great time with gay people, I dig it all, the music, the bitchiness, the peels of laughter, the good champagne - all ingrediants for a great night out".

I had to agree.

And he certainly knew his way around the secret places of my body like a straight man who has well and truly honed his craft.

So who am I to complain?

And my gay friends loved him.
Mostly for his muscles and the champagne - so shallow are they!

Gay IS the new black.
Thank goodness fashion is so cyclical.

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Posted By: Jo 7 - Category: No Category

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Sticks and stones...

September 23rd 2008 03:31

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will break my heart"
Robert Fulgham

The above quote has been one of my favourites for many years, because it's true.

I'd rather have a stone thrown at me than someone yelling in my face "Get off your FAT F*KING ass then and DO something"!!!!!!!

lol

And it sounds horrible, but it's true.

How many of us, if we're honest, turn to verbal abuse methods when we're fighting or arguing with a loved one?
How many of us get personal and strike out to hurt them?

And why do we do this?
Because we don't want them to do it to us?
Because we're afraid of the truth behind what they're saying?
Because we're ego driven human beings and we like to inflict pain to divert cause?

All of the above?

I witnessed an altercation on Sunday afternoon between a married couple who are very good friends of mine - it went something like this...

He grabbed another beer whilst laughing with the other men.
She shot him a filthy look.
He stopped his conversation and said loudly "What's the matter? I'm having another beer! Is that okay??"
"Don't you think you've had enough" says she.

(I actually held my breath at this point, because I could feel the tension electifying the air - this altercation had been brewing for some time I suspected.)

"Why are you making me out to sound like a bloody alcoholic????? I drink on the weekends! I don't get drunk during the week, like your father did!!"

Ouch.

The first personal assault began.
Why? I wasn't sure.
She just started to cry. Surrounded immediately by several female guests to console her.
I stood in the doorway, tray with fruit salad still teetering on my hand.

Human beings are strange creatures aren't they?

I digress..

Husband who made 'father' jibe approaches his wife..

"Get away from me"!! she yells.
"What???!! What the hell is wrong with you anyway??" he raises his shoulders into a helpless shrug.

This being played out amongst friends in the middle of the afternoon? Not a good look.

"You're an asshole! That's what! Thoughtless, selfish, alcoholic pig! I want a divorce!!!"

Holy mother of god.
I bet he wouldn't have had another beer if he'd known the outcome?

I went to the wife and picked her up by her elbow and led her inside.
I went back outside and got her husband, who was, by now, frothing at the mouth.
And I sat them down together inside and scolded them like a pair of children.

"I hate him drinking" she sobs
"I hate her thinking I'm her alcoholic bloody father" he spits.
She cries.
He grits his teeth.

So I say "Melody, Brian is NOT your Dad. Brian will not leave you, even if you want him to! Brian works hard and is a loving father to your 2 children. Brian adores you and will never compromise that for a beer".

Right Brian? Brian nods.

I go on "Brian, it's not that Melody thinks you're her father, she knows you're not. You're a wonderful man, who provides for his family and is loved tremendously by them. But Melody is not used to seeing you drink and it frightens her when you do, because she see's a different side to you, that DOES remind her of her father-understand?"
He nods.
She nods.
I give him a beer.
I pour her a wine.
Alcohol is the cure for everything in my house!

Melody and Brian fight - but they fight mean. What hurt her more is that he through her father in her face, in front of a throng of people.

And you can substitute that with being too fat, too skinny, pimply, too poor, bad teeth whatever your deemed weakness is - when someone shoves a hot poker into that open wound - it hurts like hell. Especially when that "someone" is meant to love you.

Words do break our hearts. And unfortunately we never forget them, they are written forever on the slate of who we are.

So my advice? Say something nice and positive and beautiful to every person in your life that you love! Do it today! Do it right now!

And let me know how good giving beautiful words to people feels??!

I know it already, I practice it everyday - but I live and die by one solid rule - never lie, tell the truth and make it beautiful

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Posted By: Jo 7 - Category: No Category

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Why People Cheat

September 23rd 2008 01:26

Why do people cheat?

Ahh this is the question that was being hammered around amongst friends during our Saturday night dinner party.

For men Is it all just ego? Is it because the marriage has become stale and stagnant? Maybe your wife is busy with the little ones and the sex is no longer spontaneous? Maybe she doesn't seem to have much time for you anymore between breast feeding and 3 hours sleep a night?
Maybe...it's just sex?
Maybe.
But maybe not.

My friends and I discussed the possibility that 'cheating' when you're married is a form of 'acting out'. Like when a child throws spaghetti at your newly painted wall, to get your attention (albeit, bad attention).

But then, not too many folks who cheat actually DO ever get caught. So it can't be a cry for attention if it's not done in the presence or for the benefit of the person they want the attention from?

An interesting dilemma.

Because cheating almost always occurs on the surface, because of lust, animal attraction, one too many beers...

But where does it end?

There is a difference between a one night drunken mistake and a 4 year long affair with another woman (or man).

And this then begs the question, when is cheating okay?
Is it ever okay?

The men at my dinner party said that other men cheat because of ego, for attention, to feel valued and needed and wanted, by someone again.
And one of my male guests stated "Jo, sometimes, we're just pigs - it really can be just about the sex".

But then I ask, when IS first time sex with a stranger, ever any good?

Is this process different for men? Because I'm sorry, I've never had an 'out of this world' experience during first time sex with someone new.
Never.
That doesn't mean it hasn't been decent - and it hasn't made me want more...
But if you're just having sex, for the fantastic melding of bodies....it doesn't make sense.

Yes, there's much to be said for feeling anothers skin - but the true sense of value and need that emanates from sex, stems from the 'wanting' of another person.

And this process, usually takes time.
It's not typically something a stranger from a bar can give you.

Or is it?

And why do married women cheat? I would dare to say, for exactly the same reasons?
Ego, pride, to feel wanted and desired again. For the excitement and lust you feel at the beginnings of a new sexual relationship.

But there is one huge difference, between men and women.
One glaringly obvious difference, that seperates the pigs from the piglets....

Women...lead with emotion.
Men...can and often do, lead with their groins.

And please, I'm not a man basher. All I mean to say is ; Men can and often do have sex with random women without a second thought for her wants, needs or desires. When men are out simply to get 'laid' - then her feelings are not high on the priority list of 'things to learn about her'.

Where as the more often a woman sleeps with a man, the more connected, emotionally, she becomes.
So when we say we want a casual, consistent shag - what we women are really asking for is someone who will give us great sex, be a boyfriend in every sense - but not ask us to meet his parents, or raise his kids.

Is it fair?
No. It's not.
Because a casual, consistent shag, to men. Means just that.
Casual sex. It's not exclusive and you may not be the only woman he's shagging. And quite frankly, if you assumed you were, you're nuts!

The truth is, psychologists will have you believe that people cheat on their partners, because there's something gravely wrong with their relationship.

This may or may not be true.

But what I know for sure is ; sometimes, just sometimes, for men and women - the allure of someone attractive and free and a little drunk - someone who desires us and wants us - no strings attached - no raising of babies, no breast feeding, no crying because you forgot an anniversary....just pure physical wonderlust....is appealing.

And in the end - the very end. Do the 'why's' even matter?

They don't.

On a human level - cheating is deemed wrong, no matter what really.

But we women, always ask the 'why's'.
We want to know what the 'other woman' looked like. How she performed for him. How she was different or better than us.
And why we want to know the details? I'll never understand, because they can't be good for our state of mind.

But I do know this for sure...human beings were made for other human beings.

Sometimes, if we're very lucky - we find one other person who fills us up, who never wavers from their spot beside us and never compromises us for anything or anyone.

Most of us? Have many and varied partnerships throughout our lifetimes - some lasting longer than others...but all having an impact on our journey in some fashion or way.

Is either wrong?

Only when you've stood in a church, in front of 100's of friends and family and promised to love, cherish and honour another person, for the rest of your life.

That's when it becomes so difficult to forgive.

But as one of my male guests so eloquently put it;

"Promises, were indeed made to be broken - and there is no illusion, that marriage is a promise, bound by words and feeling. But considering words and feelings are both changeable - so then, should be the promise".

And this my friends, is the answer.
And the question.

Why do we get married in the first place?

Because we have a dream. Because we fell in love. Because we want desperately to spend the rest of our lives with this other person.

Why do people cheat?

Because somewhere in the mix of marriage - the sex became boring, the kids interrupted all that falling in love business, the thought of spending the rest of my life with another person, suddenly became such a very long time....

Commitment, is the word.

Love, is the promise.

When the love is gone...so is the promise.

And that, my friends, is the honest truth.

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