Sexless and Scared In the City
September 26th 2007 07:15
I am dying to meet 'the' guy - but I'm terrified too. I mean really, what is too fat? Sometimes I feel too fat. And yes, this is just me hypothesising about this madness that has become my non-relationship/relationship.
But years of being put down in a horrible marriage wreaks havoc with your self-esteem.
My unseen partner is lovely, clever, articulate and handsome, in his own way. And yes, I have always been honest about my size. But do guys know dress sizes??? Normal, every day guys? I don't think so.
Gay men do. This I know for sure. My drag queen friends are constantly telling me what to wear and what size I SHOULD be. 0 anyone??? Nonsense.
For my body to be a size 0 - I would have had to have been dead for at least a year. And even then, I'm not sure it's possible.
I am a 14-16 - but can I BE sexy again?
To me, 'sexy' has more to do with attitude and approach, rather than looks.
i.e. Mick Jagger for crying out loud! PLEASE SOMEONE PINCH ME!
I am dying to see him. Aching to see him.
But I am terrified I won't be good enough.
And he knows this, I've told him.
He is frustrated BEYOND words.
But then of course, we've moved past just the sex site stuff now. It's deeper and more meaningful than either of us are entirely comfortable with.
The term 'unseen partner' was born out of this lewd psuedo relationship neither of us seem to be able to move past.
He does adore me.
But for him? It all hinges on the physical chemistry. And THAT is why it scares the shit out of me.
Men are much more visual aren't they?
In reality, I'd love to hear from men about this exact thing.
What is it...about a woman, that draws you to her?
Is it really just her hot body? Looks alone?
Shallow? Oui.
But understandable too.
I read a quote once that said "99% of 'who' we are is untouchable and unseen by anyone".
Profound, and so SO true.
The problem is, I'm visual too.....but he has to stimulate my mind, or there really is nothing else.
He could be as pretty as a picture and it means nothing to me if he can't make me laugh, or think, or feel.
And maybe I'm just too easily pleased? Or too hard to please?
I want to love again.
I want sex again too.
Both - at the same time, would be lovely.
REALLY fucking lovely.
But years of being put down in a horrible marriage wreaks havoc with your self-esteem.
My unseen partner is lovely, clever, articulate and handsome, in his own way. And yes, I have always been honest about my size. But do guys know dress sizes??? Normal, every day guys? I don't think so.
Gay men do. This I know for sure. My drag queen friends are constantly telling me what to wear and what size I SHOULD be. 0 anyone??? Nonsense.
For my body to be a size 0 - I would have had to have been dead for at least a year. And even then, I'm not sure it's possible.
I am a 14-16 - but can I BE sexy again?
To me, 'sexy' has more to do with attitude and approach, rather than looks.
i.e. Mick Jagger for crying out loud! PLEASE SOMEONE PINCH ME!
I am dying to see him. Aching to see him.
But I am terrified I won't be good enough.
And he knows this, I've told him.
He is frustrated BEYOND words.
But then of course, we've moved past just the sex site stuff now. It's deeper and more meaningful than either of us are entirely comfortable with.
The term 'unseen partner' was born out of this lewd psuedo relationship neither of us seem to be able to move past.
He does adore me.
But for him? It all hinges on the physical chemistry. And THAT is why it scares the shit out of me.
Men are much more visual aren't they?
In reality, I'd love to hear from men about this exact thing.
What is it...about a woman, that draws you to her?
Is it really just her hot body? Looks alone?
Shallow? Oui.
But understandable too.
I read a quote once that said "99% of 'who' we are is untouchable and unseen by anyone".
Profound, and so SO true.
The problem is, I'm visual too.....but he has to stimulate my mind, or there really is nothing else.
He could be as pretty as a picture and it means nothing to me if he can't make me laugh, or think, or feel.
And maybe I'm just too easily pleased? Or too hard to please?
I want to love again.
I want sex again too.
Both - at the same time, would be lovely.
REALLY fucking lovely.
Love is, of all the passions, the strongest. For it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart, and the senses
Voltaire| 45 |
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Comment by Harry
Sydney Diary
Personals
Brisbane Diarystar
Zoo Parent
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I want sex again too.
Both - at the same time, would be lovely.
REALLY fucking lovely.
Ah, idealism. In your case, I have a feeling you'll get what you want.
I like that you're waiting until December. Use this time to get your head together and give your self-esteem a perk-up. But I wouldn't delay after that, he might not think you're committed to getting to know him on another level.
It's hilarious being in your head, Jo.
Michaelie
Comment by Jo 3
Sexless Blogger
Ridiculous and pityful also.
lol
Thats exactly why we're waiting until December. I have a need to heal (after my marriage break-up) and re-build my sense of self again.
So does he actually.
So we're not entirely different.
It's just that I'm a little more thorough...and romantic.
He just wants to meet me already!
lolol
And I get that.
I have a good feeling about it all too.
He crept into my heart...and silently lit a candle there...
Harry, point taken. But it won't be next weekend.
lol
You sound like him actually....scary!!
Men are very level headed and realistic though aren't they?
Meet the chick, see if the chemistry is right...if not? Move on already!
Yesssssssss
And I agree.
But....the heart is involved. I need to find and heal ALL of me...before I can share myself with anyone else again...
Sounds dramatic...but so true.
To have met him months ago....would have been a disaster waiting to happen.
I wasn't ready.
And neither....was he.
In December.....we're both preparing for it. Planning for it. Excited over it. We're working as a team to execute the happenings of the entire weekend...working towards something with one another.
And that sense of comraderie....has made us both trust alot more.
My unseen partner...indeed.
Jo