SCREAMING CHILDREN! What to do?
March 23rd 2007 02:46
I recently read a piece by Mrs. M. in the "Mum's Word" blog that raises an age-old question: What kind of parameters can we establish for tolerance and understanding on both sides of the coin?
Granting, of course, that there are certain areas where one must expect to encounter children and that there is a good chance that one or more may throw a tantrum at any time..a playground comes to mind, or a restaurant specifically catering to families with kids (as in Mrs. M's case). In those cases, one must be willing to leave if one doesn't like the noise-- with no glares or nasty remarks on one's way out.
Granting as well that in places such as airplanes or trains where one cannot leave, one must be kind and tolerant as well. As long as the parents are doing their best to calm the child, that is, and not blissfully ignoring him or her.
This is a pretty hot issue; I have seen more tension created in a room between the parents and other patrons about screaming children than most any other social issue. Can we all come to agreement about a few things?
-What are some places one should not take a child that is not yet ready to "behave" in public?
The theater comes to mind (excluding kid's movies), the library (outside the children's room), intimate restaurants, nightclubs. Is this reasonable? I don't think babies particularly enjoy those places anyway...
-How long should a parent try to calm the child before taking the child away (to the nappie room, or outside) from the public ear?
-Is there any acceptable way of asking a parent to, say, stop their child from jumping on your billiards table? (That happened to me!)
-What are some places one should expect to share with children, and not be a sourpuss about noise and/or running around (as long as no personal items are damaged)? Public parks, fast food restaurants, grocery markets?
Suggestions and anecdotes will be highly appreciated.
Granting, of course, that there are certain areas where one must expect to encounter children and that there is a good chance that one or more may throw a tantrum at any time..a playground comes to mind, or a restaurant specifically catering to families with kids (as in Mrs. M's case). In those cases, one must be willing to leave if one doesn't like the noise-- with no glares or nasty remarks on one's way out.
This is a pretty hot issue; I have seen more tension created in a room between the parents and other patrons about screaming children than most any other social issue. Can we all come to agreement about a few things?
-What are some places one should not take a child that is not yet ready to "behave" in public?
The theater comes to mind (excluding kid's movies), the library (outside the children's room), intimate restaurants, nightclubs. Is this reasonable? I don't think babies particularly enjoy those places anyway...
-How long should a parent try to calm the child before taking the child away (to the nappie room, or outside) from the public ear?
-Is there any acceptable way of asking a parent to, say, stop their child from jumping on your billiards table? (That happened to me!)
-What are some places one should expect to share with children, and not be a sourpuss about noise and/or running around (as long as no personal items are damaged)? Public parks, fast food restaurants, grocery markets?
Suggestions and anecdotes will be highly appreciated.
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Comment by youranter
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Comment by yoda76
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The theater comes to mind (excluding kid's movies)...
I'm even wary of kid's movies. There always has to be a first time, too. I took my daughter, then 3, to see "Finding Nemo" at the local theatre. She freaked when the lights went down (first ever visit to the movies), but I managed to calm her down. All was fine until the sharks arrived, which scared her a little, but some cuddles helped - she was still pretty quiet. Once the scary deep water fish with the light thingy on it's head arrived - it was all over:
"I want to go home! I want to go home!" - I tried for about 30 seconds to calm her before I decided we just had to leave.
Any parent should have a pretty good idea of how their children are - I can tell within the first couple of interactions with my children wether or not the situation is going to get long-winded or if I will be able to settle them.
As for jumping on billiard tables (!), I have found that responsible and polite parents react fairly promptly and without offense if you address the child directly and calmly:
"Sorry, buddy, but we don't jump on billiard tables here, OK?"
..and will proceed to pull the kid into line, even if they have been ignoring it up until that point. It puts the focus on the kid doing something inappropriate rather than:
"Can you stop your kid from jumping on my table?"
..which can be misconstrued as a veiled accusation of bad parenting.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Yep.
Up to 5 minutes perhaps. But like yoda76 said, you can usually tell whether your kids tantrum is one of those to go on and on or settle down quickly.
Line them up for the corner pocket? That will get the kid off quickly. No seriously, I think people should offer help if they can or a distraction for the kid.
You'd be amazed at how quickly kids respond to strangers (who speak nicely) than to their own parents.
I've found that I can ask my 3 year old to stop doing something and there is a chance he'll ignore me. When a stranger makes the same request, he listens.
Toddler sometimes only need to be distracted for a moment for them to forget what they were wailing about.
Yes, yes and yes.
Nice post D. Obviously rules of engagement need to be laid down about this sort of thing. Just so kids can also grow up with a little bit of guidance as well. They can't run rampant at any old place but we also need to remember that we need to teach them how to behave and the best way is to get out there and do it. And if older kids need to be pulled out of restaurants and taken home because they wouldn't settle down then that's a pretty good lesson.
I knew of a family friend who let her kid do whatever he wanted at home. She had the opposite up bringing where she felt she couldn't move in without asking permission first. She wanted her kids to be kids. But it backfired on her because whenever she went to other people's houses her kids would jump all over furniture etc. Which, is not on. She soon learned her lesson.
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Comment by youranter
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Comment by D. Armenta
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Comment by youranter
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You could do a whole new blog just on the responses you've gotten here, D.
Comment by Cibbuano
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I was terrified of my father when I was kid, and a good thing, too...I had the disposition to be as mischievous as possible, but fear set me straight.
Comment by Aimzster
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Like Cibbuano, I was frightened of my dad as well so whenever we were out with him, we were always on our best behaviour.
And the advice Yoda gave is great - about parents having a good idea of what their child is like. I'll definitely keep this in mind.
And why DO parents take their kids to the movies? I'm not talking about G-rated movies, but movies that are at least MA in rating. It drives me crazy! I remember a mother telling me that she and her 4-year old daughter got kicked out of Ocean's 13 because she was too noisy. Hello??? Why did you take your kid there in the first place? 2nd, why did these movie ushers let them in??
Comment by D. Armenta
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When I was a kid going to the Saturday matinee for kids downtown, the ushers would walk up and down the aisles and keep some semblance of order. Wish they'd come back!