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Schmoozer - by Michael Kindel

The Right To Bear Arms II

January 30th 2012 16:47
The Supreme Court has interpreted the second amendment to the Constitution, “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed,” as meaning that common, ordinary citizens have the right to own, carry and use weapons for lawful purposes.

I’m not going to argue the merits of this decision, although the real intention of the amendment was probably to enable the United States to rally men to its defense if the country was attacked quickly without having the expense of a standing army (the Army was virtually disbanded after the Revolutionary War), those men being primarily farmers and frontiersmen who had their own weapons and who knew how to use them.

The NRA will tell you that guns don’t harm people; people harm people, and they’re correct. A gun is just a machine that delivers a bullet in what ever direction it’s pointed when the trigger is pulled. They might also tell us that bullets don’t harm people; people harm people, and that would also be technically correct because the bullet only goes to where the gun is pointed when a person points the gun and pulls the trigger, but I think these are just technicalities, and the NRA knows this.

Times have changed. Most people either live in cities or suburbs, but we have been instilled with a frontier paranoia, fearful of getting mugged, pushed around, offended, or looked at askew. I’m not saying that the moment I step out my front door I don’t have to be vigilant; vigilance comes with living in a modern society, but I don’t see Jared Laughner’s face lurking about everywhere I look when I’m strolling through the mall. I don’t feel I have to look into the eyes of everyone I pass to see if they have that same crazy stare and might pull a gun and start shooting.

I don’t begrudge hunters, at least not hunters who eat what they kill, and who kill no more than what they intend to eat. Hey, I like to fish, and fishing is a form of hunting, so maybe the second amendment protects the right to own carry and use fishing paraphernalia (fish hooks are deadly to fish), and I follow my own rule of eating everything I catch and only catching what I intend to eat. I never catch and release because I have no intention of torturing fish; about 50% of the fish released die from exhaustion or injury, and I won’t torture an animal, or a human for that matter.

I also don’t begrudge farmers, ranchers, and those who live in rural areas for feeling the need to own a weapon to protect themselves, their families and their property (livestock as well as homes). I even don’t begrudge those who have been harmed in the past by someone or something and now feel safer with a weapon. What bothers me is seeing some huge, hulking man walking around in full view of the public with a weapon strapped to his hip or hanging under his armpit, daring anyone to mess with him. Nobody would mess with him without the weapon, so why does he need to carry around, in full view of the public, an extension of his penis?

Two years ago, here in Springfield, Missouri, a guy with an open carry permit saw a thief steal an old lady’s purse outside a supermarket. The thief jumped in a car and sped away from the scene of the crime, with our hero in pursuit. Instead of following the thief and calling the police on his cell phone (which he had), he pulled out his gun and emptied it at the fleeing car while he was driving, not hitting anything (that the police know of, fortunately). When he was arrested, along with the thief, he was indignant, along with many people in Springfield; he was only trying to protect the old lady. It didn’t matter to him that, in his testosterone induced rage, he might have injured or killed as many people as he had bullets. That’s the problem with hand gun ownership. In a rage, and most people will find themselves in that situation at sometime in their lives, if the right button is pushed, if a gun is handy, it will be grabbed and used, to everyone’s regret later.

Academy Sports Outdoors, a local sporting goods store here in Springfield, has an ad in the Sunday paper for Baretta PX4 9MM Pistol with a 17 shot clip for $499.99, a bargain. The gun is small enough to fit in a purse, a pocket or hang unobtrusively under an armpit, ready to protect its owner, come to the defense of the public, intimidate anyone who sees it, or shoot squirrels when it’s not being used for anything else.
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A Message From God

November 15th 2011 16:01
Former pizza delivery man and current presidential candidate Herman Cain said God spoke to him and convinced him to campaign for the Republican/Conservative nomination for President. He compared himself to Moses: "That's when I prayed and prayed and prayed. I'm a man of faith — I had to do a lot of praying for this one, more praying than I've ever done before in my life," Cain said. "And when I finally realized that it was God saying that this is what I needed to do, I was like Moses. 'You've got the wrong man, Lord. Are you sure?'" (Associated Press, 11/12/11).

Was it the Lord who told Herman to place his hand on Sharon Bialek's leg and run it up her thigh to fondle her private parts? Instead of saying he doesn’t recall ever having met the woman, a claim now refuted by Ms. Bialek’s former boyfriend, Victor Jay Zuckerman, and her lawyer, Gloria Allred (doesn’t she do anything else besides wait for some celebrity to be accused of sexual misconduct and then find a way of representing the alleged victim?), maybe Herman should have said he was just checking to make sure her panty hose was on straight. That would have sounded more plausible than, “I don’t remember ever having met the woman.” That’s the defense Roger Clemens used when his good friend and former Yankee teammate Andy Pettitte accused him of injecting himself with performance enhancing drugs: “He misremembered.”

Did Herman climb Mt. Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments from God? Does he have them in his possession, and will he smash them in a dramatic act on TV if he doesn’t win the Republican/Conservative nomination? If that happens, will Herman order his people to go through the Republican/Conservative convention and kill everyone as Moses did when he came down from Mt. Sinai, and seeing everyone consumed with sin, order his tribe to kill everyone they could find (about 3,000)? Herman did say he “was like Moses.”

I wonder, if like Moses, Herman heard the voice from a burning bush? Did God reveal His name to Herman as He revealed it to Moses? Is Herman destined to lead the pizza delivery people and all the pizza delivery wannabes to the Promised Land? If so, he should remember that Moses was required, by God, to wander in the desert (in Cain’s case, could that be Atlanta) for 40 years and never step foot in the Promised Land. So, Herman should remember, if he hears the voice of God telling him to be “like Moses,” God is telling him he’ll never be President.

Praise be to God!
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Lipstick On A Pig

November 13th 2011 18:23
On October 5, Sarah Palin officially declared herself a non-candidate for the Presidency of the United States. I hadn’t written an essay since August 16 waiting for that announcement, and when it came, I was so saddened, my writer’s block continued until today. Fortunately for me, Mme rouge énorme lèvres pulpeuses is running for President; she didn’t just give speeches to make $14 million so she and Todd could continue to afford to live in Alaska (it takes at least that much to be able to afford to shop at a Wal-Mart anywhere in Alaska) and take care of their son Trig (is that short for Trigger? Roy Rogers named his dog Bullet; is there a pattern here?).

After Sarah announced her non-candidacy, she went to Amsterdam, where she had a sex reorientation operation, and emerged as Rick Perry. Perry would have us believe that he’s been Rick Perry all along, but the real reason Sarah resigned as governor of Alaska was because she was nearing a nervous breakdown trying to be governor of Texas as Rick Perry and governor of Alaska as Sarah Palin. You want proof of this theory? Palin said she was dropping out of the Presidential selection process so she could concentrate on helping other Republican/Conservatives seek election/re-election. Who’s she helping? The answer is nobody, because she’s Rick Perry now and having Sarah Palinesque type problems in debates and on the campaign trail.

The latest Perry (Palin) gaffe was Perry claiming that, if he were President, he would eliminate three federal departments, but he could only name two. While the other Republican/Conservative debaters and the audience snickered, Mitt Romney tried to help Perry by suggesting the EPA, but Perry said that wasn’t the department he was thinking of (it was really the Energy department, along with Commerce and Education, he/she told us later).

In a previous speech, when he appeared intoxicated (drunk), he said, “Live free or die, victory or death, bring it.” This was during a fund raising effort, and it brought a few nervous chuckles. Even the most rabid right wing Conservatives are having second thoughts about backing Sarah, er, Rick. That’s why Herman Cain is leading him/her by twice the points in most opinion polls.

During a debate on Fox, Perry attacked Mitt Romney’s flip-flopping: “Is it the Mitt Romney that was on the side of against the Second Amendment before he was for the Second Amendment? Was it—was before he was before the social programs, from the standpoint of he was for standing up for Roe v. Wade before he was against Roe v. Wade?” What did he/she say or mean? Typical Sarah.

When Perry was being interviewed on CNN, he cited Woodrow Wilson (who was president from 1913 to 1921), urging viewers to note changes in income tax “if you go back a decade ago,” to when Wilson was in the White House. Wilson was President almost 90 years ago, not 10, Rick/Sarah. Can you still see Russia?

Where’s Katie Couric when we need her most? You remember Katie’s interviews with the Presidential candidates in 2008 that led to exposing candidate Sarah for the mental marshmallow she really was and John McCain for the mean, nasty old man he really was, don’t you? Where are you now, when we need you to expose Rick Perry for the person he really is, Sarah Palin?

I can only hope that Rick Perry continues to get enough votes in the polls to continue campaigning so I have material for my essays. It seems it will only take about 10% of Republican/Conservatives to give him hope that he has a chance to win the nomination to keep him spending money to stay in the race. The big problem Perry faces is that the Midwest Conservatives Perry sees as his bulwark know their pork, and they know that no matter how much lipstick you put on a pig, in the end, it’s still just a pig (Sarah knows how to use lipstick).
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The 21% Solution

August 16th 2011 17:49
According to the August 15 issue of Time Magazine ("The Tea Party's Triumph," Michael Crowley, Time, 8/15/2011), the US owes its creditors $14.3 trillion. The largest parts of this debt are the $3.6 trillion due to shortfalls from the recession (due to less revenue), $1.7 trillion due to Bush-era tax cuts, $1.3 trillion due to the Iraq-Afghan wars, $1.4 trillion due to interest, and $2.7 trillion owed to Social Security.

Spending during the Reagan administration averaged 22.4% of GDP while taxes dropped to 18% of GDP by time he left office. Yes, he lowered taxes, but the national debt tripled. Currently, federal spending is at 24% of GDP while taxes are at 15% of GDP, which is why the deficit keeps growing so fast


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Garbage Wars

August 10th 2011 16:05
I live in a very small city. The city recently signed a garbage removal contract with a firm that is in competition with the company which picks up my garbage. I have a 55 gallon garbage can into which I usually deposit no more than two small bags of refuse because I recycle all of my plastic and paper at the local recycling center. If I decided to recycle steel and glass, I would probably have only one small bag of waste every three months.

My current disposal company has raised my rates about $10 over the last 5 years, so I decided to check out the rates of the other disposal companies. One of the companies I checked out was the one the city signed on with. My neighbor across the street from me had her garbage removed by that company. When I called, I was quoted a rate $10 per quarter cheaper than my current rate. So, just before I decided to switch, I went across the street to talk to my neighbor and ask her if she was satisfied with her contract. The next day, as I left my house to talk to my neighbor, I noticed she had a can from the same company I used. When I asked her about that, she showed me her bill from her current company, the company I was thinking of switching to. The bill was double the amount quoted to me. There was a base charge which was $10 less than my current contract, plus a fuel surcharge (which I am not charged by my current company), plus a dump fee (which I am not charged by my current company), plus a receptacle rental (which I am not charged by my current company). None of these extra charges were quoted to me. I didn't switch. Then, I received a notice from the city, with my sewer bill, announcing the agreement with the disposal company, encouraging me to sign up. Needless to say, I'm staying put


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Anal Cranial Reversal

July 27th 2011 18:52
On Monday, July 25, the California Supreme Court upheld the state’s policy of granting in-state state tuition at its colleges and universities to students who graduated from a California high school and who are also illegal aliens.

The justices said that their ruling did not conflict with a federal ruling that barred states from giving any college benefits to illegal aliens on the basis of state residency. Instead, because the student benefited due to high school graduation, not residency, the state could give in-state tuition to any qualified student who attended a California high school and graduated


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Earlier this month, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said at a media conference after a meeting of NATO members in Brussels what many people, government officials and ordinary citizens, have been thinking for a long time: “Future U.S. political leaders - those for whom the Cold War was not the formative experience that it was for me - may not consider the return on America's investment in NATO worth the cost.” (“Gates blasts NATO, questions future of alliance,” Robert Burns, Associated Press, 6/10/11).

The fact is that NATO, which was created in 1949 to “"to keep the Russians out, the Americans in, and the Germans down,”” according to its first Secretary General, Lord Ismay, (“NATO,” Wikipedia) was really created to allow the United States maintain military bases on European soil to respond faster to wars against any upstart European power or Russia, while surrounding Germany with the continued presence of American military forces; it was really created for the defense of the United States by American military forces. Nobody really believed or believes that any NATO forces will ever come to the defense of the United States should it ever suffer a military attack (maybe Canadian forces will), and it is believed to be better to fight foreign forces in Europe than on the U.S. mainland


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It Isn't Ever Going To Happen

May 31st 2011 15:41
On May 19, President Obama said,” The United States believes that negotiations should result in two states, with permanent Palestinian borders with Israel, Jordan, and Egypt, and permanent Israeli borders with Palestine. The borders of Israel and Palestine should be based on the 1967 lines with mutually agreed swaps, so that secure and recognized borders are established for both states." (“Obama Speech Backlash on Call to Reinstate 1967 Mideast Borders,” Huma Khan, ABC News/Politics, 5/19/11).

What prompted the President to suddenly give this speech? George Mitchell, President Obama’s special envoy to the Middle East, unexpectedly resigned, probably out of frustration, from dealing with Palestinian factions and Israelis who, although they proclaim a desire for peace, are satisfied with the current situation that allows for the retention of power among the various parties. Strangely, it was George Mitchell who brokered the peace deal in Northern Ireland, and that conflict seemed as difficult and intractable as the current Palestinian/Israeli one. With Hamas and Fattah in an alliance to push for a Palestinian state, and with most of the countries in the world seemingly ready to back such a move, the United States stands virtually alone in backing the Israeli position


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"Green" Warfare

May 19th 2011 16:43
I recently read an article, “Army Testing New ‘Green’ Bullets,” on Fox News.com (May 4, 2011), and it piqued my interest. I’ve always had a lot of respect for the United States Army (my father served in the Army during WWII), and soldiers, but it seemed strange to me that the Army would be concerned with killing the enemy in an environmentally friendly manner.

I know our Army does its best to arm our soldiers so they can protect themselves in the best possible way while carrying out their mission. Doesn’t it? That’s the reason the Army gave when it switched to 7.62x45 mm cartridges from 7.62x51 mm cartridges during the Vietnam War; soldiers could carry more ammunition on missions and outgun the enemy. Now, the Army is passing out a “non-toxic, frangible bullet” (“U.S. Military “Green” Bullet,” Don Mikko, FIREARMSID.COM) to the troops in Afghanistan


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Still In The Dark

May 14th 2011 20:39
I just finished reading former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld’s book, "Known and Unknown: A Memoir," and while I certainly expected him to explain his actions while Secretary of Defense during the two terms of the George W. Bush presidency, I didn’t expect a whitewash.

Let me start by saying that I’m a middle of the road Democrat who has been critical, in the past, of the Bush administration involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan. Having disclosed that, I have to admit that some of my criticism, in hindsight, was unwarranted. Having studied the events surrounding the 9/11 attacks, and how unprepared the country was to respond, I now realize that President Bush and his team did what they thought appropriate at the time to protect the country from any further attacks


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