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sb

frakka, INDIA


Joined September 14th 2009

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Comment by sb
on Horrorphile's 13 SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE

January 1st 2010 11:57
Bryn,

A very happy new year…to you also Anon.

Anyway, I passed the last few hours of my 'End of Days', of course of 2009, watching ‘THE EXORCIST’ uncut version on my personal screen. Well, I admit that it’d been a great amazement to me for a long period of time that why people continue to tag this movie as the scariest one, though few of them could even spell it properly, like some ElephantBoy, who’d spelt it THE EXICST in some other blog. But, watching this now, I modified my previously made loose opinion and put here the latest excerpts…
• Every time I poo my pant seeing that little lollypop girl peeing hers…not in great fear, but in utter disgust and this time there was no difference. It only bolstered my previous opinion that why this stupid movie should be renamed as 'BABY'S SHIT OUT'. It really tingles my horse's ass.
Note: Poo = Shit. Yes, I, too, can invent some awesome words.
• Every time I watch that infamous spider walk scene, it reminds me of the famous moonwalk by The King of Rock, which is wayyyy scarier and not to mention that this time there was no major difference other than my hallucinating Linda Blair cat walking on a ramp…far spookier. Yes, this movie may also be renamed THE EXICST as already suggested by ElephantBoy…thanks elephant…err… boy. Yes, THE EXICST is not a spelling mistake, THE EXICST means THE SHOWSTOPPER, who stops the show, shows the door and everyone hurries to the EXIT.
• Every time I watch that bloated girl floating in thin air, violating any sane laws of gravitation, buoyancy et cetera et cetera, I immediately discard all the previous remames and give THE FLOATING ELEPHANT SHITTING ON YOU a big thumbs up…really pipes.
• Every time I watch that little girl coated Satan laughing ha, ha…during the tiffin recess allowed in the infinitely long never ending excruciatingly boring exorcism scene when Father Merrin even suggests Father Karras of taking some rest out of sheer boredom, I also laugh ha, ha and give it the rename HA HA ALPACA.
Well, I strongly recommend you to see this movie 'cos it reminds us how stupid we are sometimes. The only bad thing about the movie is that it shows why the girls are superior to us…as a mother to her little child..

BTW: If the final scene had been like this.

All the mad Exorcists fled alive in utter disgust and sheer boredom and now Chris is also fed up. Condition of the child deteriorates more and more and Chris, in her last desperate attempt, pops out her hands from the screen seeking some help from us. Now we, the ill fated audience, have a situation here. Suddenly one of Chris's old friends, Rachel, who is among the audience and fell faint previously by the frivolous jerks of the movie, wakes up hurriedly... then rushes to the screen... holds Chris's hands ... gets pasted onto it jumping... then gives Chris a cursed videotape and prays to her with her knees clinched to the carpet to put that forthwith without a fail in Regan's room along with a giant TV set... then gets kicked on her butt plumb by Friedkin & thrown outta the screen and sits by my side quietly and decently, then looks askance at me on the sly and blushes with her familiar idiotic bridal coyness. Then one night (of course in the movie ), when Regan, all alone in her room, is bawling weirdly those satanic verses against Friedkin, blaming him to possess her actually himself by offering such a stupid role, suddenly the blue screen flashes on by itself and weird images start careening ominously and a well gradually appears through the fog haze. Satan coated Regan…err... Regan coated Satan stops howling and stares at the screen in baited breath. The head of a little girl with long black tresses pop up from the well, then she comes tiptoeing toward the screen. Regan's…oh, shit… Satan's hair rise in fear. The little girl crawls outta the set… stands erect with her giant cowled figure… glowers straight at the Satan through her long black tresses…then pees her robe in disgust, dislodges her wig and shows her balding scalp to the Satan where it's writ large HELP ME MOTHERFUCKER. The whole thing freaks the bejesus…err…the Satan outta Regan and frees her in the process. Regan hugs Samara. Meanwhile, Satan tries to paste himself onto the TV screen and hide therein. They pull him outta the screen by his legs and maul him heavily... no, not for either possessing Regan or making Samara bored to the point of getting bald, but for being the protagonist of this monstrous movie. He scrambles into the screen and they again pull him out and maul. He again scrambles… they again pull & maul... and the sequence repeats indefinitely until and unless the whole audience doze off and the poor chap Mr. Satan gets his face distorted weirdly in the process (note: this sequence should be as long as the boring exorcism scene of the original one). Now there is no problem, Samara and Regan are now great friends…their favorite sport is freaking mad exorcists, stupid horror zealots and spin-head gore champs outta any fleapit that arranges a show of this movie... even at free of cost.

FOOL CAST AND CREW:
The Satan : William... zzz..., yes he is the only true Satan of this boring movie
Chris : Ellen Burstyn
Regan : Linda Blair
Rachel : Naomi Watts
Samara : Daveigh Chase
Myself : Myself...my true self...iiiikkkk!
Friedkin : Himself

Yes, I awarded him a double role.

Spot boy : ElephantBoy
Light man : Anon
Sorry Bryn… for my getting back to the world of riddles again. But, don’t get angry on me, rather Blame It on Rio…err… Anon. Anyway, I promise you mate; this is the last…no more chaos, no more riddles. But, I request you to insist that OVARIAN CYST( yep, a person without a name sounds like OUTLANDER... so, 'a CYST for a name' ) not to speak a word on THE EXORCIST, it’s definitely THE EXICST.


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Comment by sb
on Horrorphile's 13 SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE

December 27th 2009 18:25
I forgot to mention an Anglo-Italian movie by Nicolas Roeg-'Don't Look Now...want to know ur opinion.

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Comment by sb
on Horrorphile's 13 SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE

December 27th 2009 18:24
Bryn,

What u feel about Mulholland Drive...also other David Lynch directions like Lost Highway
and Eraserhead?

BTW: Bryn, U gotta type 'Monihara' in google search -The Lost Jewels would not give the correct result.

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Comment by sb
on Horrorphile's 13 SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE

December 15th 2009 11:47
Bryn,
Well, I agree with u regarding ur opinion on the three movies of ur list that I included too.Frankly speaking, many of my pals also totally disagree with their ranking in my list and those r my personal favorites to boot. But, this is my personal opinion and I feel any of the movies barring Monihara can change it’s rank by replacing another one ‘cos they r all great movies in my view and it’s really hard to decide which one is better and which one is not… among them. Well, I keep my fingers crossed u see, what I want to say if The Ring scores 99 then Alien scores 98.999 in my view, though I give it a big 100 as a sci-fi movie. Yes, who can forget the spell of this Movie legit else Anon, our curious case of Benjamin Button in this blog- born 8 now ages 2, where engineer Brett stalks Jones, the crew’s cat, into the large air shaft room of Nostromo, the oozing of tension drip by drip like the water-grains dripping from the sky-high air shaft… the clangs of the shackle… and the audience were at the end of their tether like poor Brett, who subsequently was ambushed by that god-damn living menace. Yes, this is my pay-off scene, not either the much talked about scene of the creature bursting out of Kane’s chest, or the thing stalking Dallas in the air-shaft. There r countless scenes of this standard actually in that Ridley Scot’s epoch making epic. There r other movies of the likes of The Tenant, The Birds,The Fly, Jaws, Session 9, Shivers, Tourist Trap,A Clock work Orange, Irreversible, The Fog- yes, this is not a Carpentry work, Audition and definitely Ju on: The Grudge which come very very close, but these thirteen r the Greatests and my personal love…lol. Well regarding Ringu and The Ring I can tell u that yes, I talked about The Ring of Gore Verbinski and not Ringu though the idea of the pay-off scene was Nakata’s, my hats off to him again for this. Verbinski actually fails Nakata in cinematography and acoustics both. The Stygian gloom, which I talked about much in my first post, loomed large in the shades of blue in Verbinisky’s version and was totally absent in Ringu, maybe due to the technology used. So the ambiance was much much more scary and claustrophobic in The Ring. Also, of course, for the record, Samara Morgan is a zillion times scarier than Sadako ‘cos of her innocent looking face, how cud u throw her in the well mommy, so must she have become a demon from the hell…truly. Well, about Ju on: The Grudge, the movie is quite well made, but not my cup of tea ‘cos I don’t like horror to be much exposed, rather subtle, where it fails. At last, to speak a word or two about Monihara (The Lost Jewels), based on a novella by Rabindranath Tagore, translated on screen in 1961( yes, not in 1963…pardon) by one of the greatest auteurs of film of last century, u may find it on video.google.com, however without English subtitles. No matter, language no bar, the horror inculcated through this Everest of scary movies crosses any boundary. One suggestion, if u don’t mind. Don’t dare see this with ur girlfriend or wife, if she has an obsession for jewelries.
Monimalika, the psychotic woman obsessed of jewelries, is the scariest.

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Comment by sb
on Horrorphile's 13 SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE

December 14th 2009 07:17
Bryn,

It took me quite a bit of time and look and hark back to list the scariest movies ever made in my humble opinion. No, this time I am absolutely serious.

1. Monihara (a 1963 B&W Bengali flick of the trilogy’ Teen Kanya’ by the Master Satyajit Ray): If u ask me why it is and what it is, my answer is ‘because it is there.’
2. The Ring:
3. Se7en
4. The Shining
5. The Tingler (1959)
6. Wait until dark
7. Paranormal Activity
8. Psycho
9. The Haunting (1963)
10. Les Yeux Sans Visage
11. Ils
12. Suspiria
13. Alien

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Comment by sb
on Horrorphile's 13 SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE

November 15th 2009 14:11
But Anon, how old r u now actually... some three or two years? Eheh..ehehhh, don't cry baby.
Alien is definitely a terrific sci-fi movie...not a cattle's choice at all.

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Comment by sb
on Horrorphile's 13 SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE

November 15th 2009 14:09
Hello folks...back to the Earth's outer space once again...this time to deliver a riddled rhyme, better said a trash, at Anon's behest.

I'm a tiny tiny beetle
who through his riddle
trying to needle
the ego of a cattle
who does nibble
some grass in this stable
a diet not so staple
for The Others in this fable
so plzzzz don't chuckle
to baffle the cattle
better u snuggle
me the Muggle

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Comment by sb
on Horrorphile's 13 SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE

October 30th 2009 02:03
Bryn,
As u have previously requested I hereby paste the list of ten best scariest movies in my humble opinion.So, just keep ur pecker up.
My List

1)2)3)4)5)6)7)8)9)10) abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz... .......

Hope, this has some clarity for u, u just need to work it out. Anyway, never mind my dear friend,
we r true friends-bye.

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Comment by sb
on Horrorphile's 13 SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE

October 29th 2009 11:46
Hello Failry,
May I please remind u of ur remark in reply to my very first comment? That was 'sb, nice comment, cheers!' And u had not spent those words for a single comment prior to that. So, how could u flog me like a frog in ur last comment trying to bar me from clogging this failry nice blog! Doesn't it prove urself and ur comment as incoherent and inconsistent by itself and how could u also bog a person down by patenting him a hack? I simply asked u to comment on an American horror cum thriller, but u simply took it in an weird way and held forth so blatantly on a fine new generation director and Grammy nominated singer. What's the relation between the movie and the person who was the founder zombie of 'white zombie'...really weird! Also it is quite noteworthy that how easily u tag persons as rambler, as raver, as failry opinionated rambler and raver, as hack etc. Criticize not the person, but his Carpentry work, if u feel it so.That was always my humble point over which u stumble so frequently. Anyway, you shoulddddddd have spelled clarity as calrity 'cos it is as clear as failry. And I see u have also changed the name of this blog as FUNPHILE,in every sense, which I feel u did not have a right to, even though u r the (ec)centric of this bolg...err...blog.

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Comment by sb
on Horrorphile's 13 SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE

October 28th 2009 09:33
It's failry, genuinely pleasing to me to see my beloved Failry to have grown up failry at last and made a failry intelligent comment. Failry good going boy, cheers!
Anyway, how about Rob the Zombie -an American thriller cum horror where thousand ghosts rob a zombie of his camera, boom et cetera et cetera in a haunted fleapit to rid themselves locked in it of The Thing he lusts for hatching through it. No, no, don't say it The Devil's Rejects.

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