Saliva Propulsion Immersion Technique (SPIT)
November 16th 2006 02:58
Alright men, I got past the headline with the really clever acronym. Saliva Propulsion Immersion Technique (SPIT). Spitting is something detested by girls, so I needed to create a 'scientific' nomenclature for this extremely important reality of male social development.
There is a dance and we men must find the right steps. If you want a girl, you have to effectively manage your saliva. Yet, if you want to be a man, you have to spit. So the first thing is to develop a sense of when it is NOT OK to propel the mouthy substance.
This is really simple. If there are girls around, and you think you might want one, don't spit. If you are not attracted to any, and you want them to go away, then spit. Spit alot.
Now, if you are just hanging with the guys, then spitting is cool. Everybody just standing around, in an informal circle, tilting head forward, and dropping a load. Nothing quite like the look of a sidewalk where a bunch of dudes have completed a COLLECTIVE SPAT. A real bonding. Add a drum or two, and you have a freaking man-ritual.
Speaking of rituals, a man needs to train his son how to spit. And of course, when to spit. Again, if there are girls around, it is Saliva Propulsion Immersion Technique. If it's just the guys, it's SPIT.
When teaching your son how to spit, there are some basic lessons to go over. Once you have offered those up, it's then up to the young fledgling spittee to create his own flair and style.
There is the lugee, which consists of saliva and snot, and can be propelled great distances. It is ok to simply drop a lugee straight down, too. There is the blow technique, where you use the air in your mouth to shoot for greater distance. Many a contest has been borne out of this style--again, a male bonding episode. And then there is the basic hang, with variations. Tilting head forward, and letting it drop. This is when you are proud of what you have created, and the puddle at your feet is obviously yours. A variation of this is the 'hang time' spit. With a little mucus, you can hang a spit for nearly a minute before letting it drop!
So there you have it.
SPIT.
deorre
Spitting for the Species
There is a dance and we men must find the right steps. If you want a girl, you have to effectively manage your saliva. Yet, if you want to be a man, you have to spit. So the first thing is to develop a sense of when it is NOT OK to propel the mouthy substance.
This is really simple. If there are girls around, and you think you might want one, don't spit. If you are not attracted to any, and you want them to go away, then spit. Spit alot.
Now, if you are just hanging with the guys, then spitting is cool. Everybody just standing around, in an informal circle, tilting head forward, and dropping a load. Nothing quite like the look of a sidewalk where a bunch of dudes have completed a COLLECTIVE SPAT. A real bonding. Add a drum or two, and you have a freaking man-ritual.
Speaking of rituals, a man needs to train his son how to spit. And of course, when to spit. Again, if there are girls around, it is Saliva Propulsion Immersion Technique. If it's just the guys, it's SPIT.
When teaching your son how to spit, there are some basic lessons to go over. Once you have offered those up, it's then up to the young fledgling spittee to create his own flair and style.
There is the lugee, which consists of saliva and snot, and can be propelled great distances. It is ok to simply drop a lugee straight down, too. There is the blow technique, where you use the air in your mouth to shoot for greater distance. Many a contest has been borne out of this style--again, a male bonding episode. And then there is the basic hang, with variations. Tilting head forward, and letting it drop. This is when you are proud of what you have created, and the puddle at your feet is obviously yours. A variation of this is the 'hang time' spit. With a little mucus, you can hang a spit for nearly a minute before letting it drop!
So there you have it.
SPIT.
deorre
Spitting for the Species
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Comment by Sandi
I'm married to an obsessive spitter, and it drives me insane.
Deorre thanks again for grossing me out. At least I'm not eating anything this time. LOL
You crack me up!
Comment by Deorre
Stress Alive
Man Lessons
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Men can always move to a culture where the women spit too...better still marry one who likes to spit too... are they hard to find and is there a certain precursor that goes with their spitting habits... I don't know... I'm just musing.... but I'm trying to remember if I ever had a friend (of the female kind) who spat... yep, I think I can remember one and she wasn't a 'dog' as would accuse certain types, either...
In parts of the world (where I lived for a while) everyone spits... if'n ya don't spit and belch and fart, well you just aren't polite... gender had nothing to do with it...ho hum... when in Rome... but it begs the question... are we a bit 'uptight' in the west?
Lilla...
Comment by Deorre
Stress Alive
Man Lessons
And farting?!? Women fart?
Comment by Stanley