suitably*woundedRound 2: The Other 5 Things
November 4th 2006 04:42
Alright, so I didn't get everything (and the kitchen sink) crammed into that last post. Therefore I'm here again and as the briefest, for me, encapsulation of where we are now, let's just say these are some more things that being nuts has killed. Or would destroyed be more poetic? And now the saga continues....
6.) I had planned on being a teacher, junior high English in fact. I'd always dreamed of it and some folks even claimed I had a gift in dealing with teenagers. Now I don't know about those that would be older, like high school, but it certainly seemed true pertaining to ages 12 to 14. Also, I thought of it more as a 'calling' than a career and I was able to hold it together and make it to my Senior year, with only a part of my student teaching left to go. Then I fell apart and never the twain shall meet again. However, I do have the associate liberal art's degree that will allow me to ask if you "Want paper or plastic?"
7.) Friends. I've always been pretty much a loner anyway, who only hangs out with those that are closer to me, one at a time. Sadly, when I started down this bumpy road, I pushed them all aside. First because I had no fucking clue what was going on, what could I expect out of them in terms of dealing with it? But mostly because I didn't want to make them suffer too and go through my huge bouts of depression, trying to help, for me to only fall flat on my face again and again and again and again. All that combined with me being occasionally suicidal was way much to ask of anyone other than myself. That has always felt only fair.
8.) This was just something I loved to do, but rapidly disappeared when I began to rely on it too heavily; reading. It was forever my security blanket, since I was a wee small lass, and then finally it evaporated like a wisp of smoke. Lately, after my most recent hospital bout in July, it has returned in small doses. Unfortunately, I have to struggle for them, but it is here none the less and if I have to court it peeking out from around a corner, I'll take what I can get.
9.) Ah, I almost forgot my memory. I'm not sure what else I can remember to say about that but, back in the day, it might've been considered pretty decent. Initially, it just zapped the ol' short-term, but as the years slipped by, so did all the rest of it. Pretty much. These days, I'm a constant disciple of memo writing. If I can't keep up with it some other way, hell I'm not opposed or too proud to scribble it on my hand. In day glow marker even. Now where was I?
10.) There really is no tenth item, but to squelch my OCD's desire for symmetry, here ya go. We'll simply use this one as the all-purpose number to throw in everything I've forgot ( ::: snerk ::: ) and mourn the rest, like long baths (growing claustrophobia) -- gotta get in and out, like keeping track of and paying bills (too stressful, it freaks me out now) and like talking on the phone to people I don't know. I've never liked that last one regardless, but post craziness I've taken it to an absurd degree. We want pizza with that movie? You better call. To report a power outage? Surely everyone else has already taken care of that. Surely. See what I mean? I am seriously one screwed up, goofy chick. Not flattering, is it?
Thanks for yer repeat business. I hope that this is at least as entertaining for you as it is cathartic for me.
Peaces,
~Kemi
6.) I had planned on being a teacher, junior high English in fact. I'd always dreamed of it and some folks even claimed I had a gift in dealing with teenagers. Now I don't know about those that would be older, like high school, but it certainly seemed true pertaining to ages 12 to 14. Also, I thought of it more as a 'calling' than a career and I was able to hold it together and make it to my Senior year, with only a part of my student teaching left to go. Then I fell apart and never the twain shall meet again. However, I do have the associate liberal art's degree that will allow me to ask if you "Want paper or plastic?"
7.) Friends. I've always been pretty much a loner anyway, who only hangs out with those that are closer to me, one at a time. Sadly, when I started down this bumpy road, I pushed them all aside. First because I had no fucking clue what was going on, what could I expect out of them in terms of dealing with it? But mostly because I didn't want to make them suffer too and go through my huge bouts of depression, trying to help, for me to only fall flat on my face again and again and again and again. All that combined with me being occasionally suicidal was way much to ask of anyone other than myself. That has always felt only fair.
8.) This was just something I loved to do, but rapidly disappeared when I began to rely on it too heavily; reading. It was forever my security blanket, since I was a wee small lass, and then finally it evaporated like a wisp of smoke. Lately, after my most recent hospital bout in July, it has returned in small doses. Unfortunately, I have to struggle for them, but it is here none the less and if I have to court it peeking out from around a corner, I'll take what I can get.
9.) Ah, I almost forgot my memory. I'm not sure what else I can remember to say about that but, back in the day, it might've been considered pretty decent. Initially, it just zapped the ol' short-term, but as the years slipped by, so did all the rest of it. Pretty much. These days, I'm a constant disciple of memo writing. If I can't keep up with it some other way, hell I'm not opposed or too proud to scribble it on my hand. In day glow marker even. Now where was I?
10.) There really is no tenth item, but to squelch my OCD's desire for symmetry, here ya go. We'll simply use this one as the all-purpose number to throw in everything I've forgot ( ::: snerk ::: ) and mourn the rest, like long baths (growing claustrophobia) -- gotta get in and out, like keeping track of and paying bills (too stressful, it freaks me out now) and like talking on the phone to people I don't know. I've never liked that last one regardless, but post craziness I've taken it to an absurd degree. We want pizza with that movie? You better call. To report a power outage? Surely everyone else has already taken care of that. Surely. See what I mean? I am seriously one screwed up, goofy chick. Not flattering, is it?
Thanks for yer repeat business. I hope that this is at least as entertaining for you as it is cathartic for me.
Peaces,
~Kemi
| 42 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by suitably*wounded
Eternal Days; Author: Illness, M.
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile