Regardless...
February 5th 2008 22:13
...of all that happens around me I cannot connect to it. All the silent screaming this venue allows does not stop the process of madness. I am going mad. I am sure of it. Completely disconnected. If anything happens that could have been avoidable and was done with imcompetence by others; and you have no control and have followed their instructions as told, yet you are the one who suffers when they have failed to follow the instructions they themself gave you at the beginning. Even the above sentence alone is enough to get you commited, at least for observation for seventy-two hours.
Yet, the details do not matter, we have all been there, the dynamics are always the same. A uncaring pernicious ass with power and you standing alone.
There is so much going on, too much going on and our attention is focused on the dying of my partner's mother. I need to save what I have left to connect with and to; I am spent, tapped out, drained and dried. This has put me over the edge, no I am still hanging on by my nails, but my strength is waning. I won't last long, I can't handle anything like this with kindness anymore, I allow it to bother me. I am lost and scared.
Yet, the details do not matter, we have all been there, the dynamics are always the same. A uncaring pernicious ass with power and you standing alone.
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