Routine.
November 3rd 2007 12:09
Routine is something I feel safe within. It allows me the peace of mind I get from knowing what I have to do next, and at exactly what time. Somewhere along the line though it stops being a nice little niche you can position yourself in, and it starts becoming the proverbial blue pill that keeps you in the same spot, the same moment, and the same mindset for far too long. You wake up one day and realise that you've been lulled to sleep for an amount of time that depresses you to the extent that you promise yourself that you will break the routine, and start something new. You envisage yourself branching off to something new, something you've always wanted to tackle, but have always been hesitant and doubtful about the eventual outcome. You know you don't want to be wasting away in some cubicle, reading memos and punching alpha numerical data into a computer, and parading yourself around in a fancy suit forever. Or is that just me.
I thought I did. In fact I wasn't far off landing an office job as a data entry drone. I suspect I subconsciously sabotaged the interview deliberately, knowing I never wanted it in the first place. I see the suits walking around the city, I see them with their ridiculous sunglasses and ties that would make the flamiest of homosexuals cringe. The mantra I hear is that you have to settle down at some stage, stop fighting the current, lay back and let the tide wash you down that glorious river of mediocrity. I see Mr Man with his trophy barbie girl, grinning like a fool while chatting on his mobile because he has it all where he wants it. He might be happy, good on him, well not really. To serve my own delusions I often hope that a lot of them aren't. I often hope that they're sacrificing everything in order to have the things on the list that enable you to be seen as successful by the lovely little ever accepting society we try so hard to impress. I have made it to the point in the road where you either go in the direction of sacrifice and safety and chase all the money, acceptance, and ladder climbing success you can clutch at. Or you take the other road, the one that says go with what you actually want out of life, although it may not give you all the bells and whistles, it will make you successful where it counts.
I still have the odd moment where I see that way of life as viable. I've procrastinated forever, I've waited for something to hit me in the face and tell me 'this is what you are to do in life'. Obviously it never came, so now I have to chase it. What started out as something very scary and impossible to turn around, has now become pretty damn exciting and refreshing. It may take a while to right the wrongs, alot of people are well and truly on their way by my age, bit by bit though, I stop worrying about that, which is good. Good is good. I've been through this song and dance a few times before, to stop and reflect months later and realise I've done nothing to change. I guess the only thing worse than trying to break a routine, is trying to break a routine routinely. It won't all happen at once, although I want it to. I'll probably have to kick my ass again and again to keep moving, that's okay. But this time feels different and that's why I'm writing about it now. I hope one day to look back on this entry if it's still around, and pinpoint the moment I finally figured it out.
I thought I did. In fact I wasn't far off landing an office job as a data entry drone. I suspect I subconsciously sabotaged the interview deliberately, knowing I never wanted it in the first place. I see the suits walking around the city, I see them with their ridiculous sunglasses and ties that would make the flamiest of homosexuals cringe. The mantra I hear is that you have to settle down at some stage, stop fighting the current, lay back and let the tide wash you down that glorious river of mediocrity. I see Mr Man with his trophy barbie girl, grinning like a fool while chatting on his mobile because he has it all where he wants it. He might be happy, good on him, well not really. To serve my own delusions I often hope that a lot of them aren't. I often hope that they're sacrificing everything in order to have the things on the list that enable you to be seen as successful by the lovely little ever accepting society we try so hard to impress. I have made it to the point in the road where you either go in the direction of sacrifice and safety and chase all the money, acceptance, and ladder climbing success you can clutch at. Or you take the other road, the one that says go with what you actually want out of life, although it may not give you all the bells and whistles, it will make you successful where it counts.
I still have the odd moment where I see that way of life as viable. I've procrastinated forever, I've waited for something to hit me in the face and tell me 'this is what you are to do in life'. Obviously it never came, so now I have to chase it. What started out as something very scary and impossible to turn around, has now become pretty damn exciting and refreshing. It may take a while to right the wrongs, alot of people are well and truly on their way by my age, bit by bit though, I stop worrying about that, which is good. Good is good. I've been through this song and dance a few times before, to stop and reflect months later and realise I've done nothing to change. I guess the only thing worse than trying to break a routine, is trying to break a routine routinely. It won't all happen at once, although I want it to. I'll probably have to kick my ass again and again to keep moving, that's okay. But this time feels different and that's why I'm writing about it now. I hope one day to look back on this entry if it's still around, and pinpoint the moment I finally figured it out.
| 40 |
| Vote |
Comments (1)
Add Comments
