Orble - Rachel's Rant

Rachel's Rant

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somtimes all the options are crap

March 23rd 2011 12:45

i'm trying to decide whats better, or if i really think about it, which option is easier..
1. do i fake being ok with everything thats happening, and continue feeling pretty crap
2. take a step back, take time to think about it and end up watching myself be fazed out
or
3. express my feelings to the people involved

option 3 sounds like the most appropriate response, however i started to try this today, but people get too defensive and suddenly it doesnt feel like i'm acheiving anything, just watching as others tear into me..
i'm not sure which hurts more, when i start to overthink things and make myself paranoid, or when someone confirms my fears- putting the blame on me, even though they had recently denied it

eithwer way it all sucks

tomorrow is anothwer day, and since i do like the easist option im sure i'll wake up and decide to just continue pretending everything is ok.

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is it a lie to say i dont care

March 24th 2008 07:53

ive never been into relationships.. when it comes to friends id do anything for them.. but as time goes by.. i realise everyone begins to only talk to their partners and their partners friends.. our group has been splitting for such a long time.. i know friends grow apart.. but this isnt what this blog is about..
friends are one thing.. but any romantic form of a relationship i run away from.
in mosty relationships theres always someone who has fallen for and cares about the other person more..but i realised ive never been that person. its kinda sad. why cant i let myself enjoy good things?

a friend declared his feelings for me last night. i didnt know what to say. i dont feel the same way. everytime this happens i end up running away and losing a good friendship, because i want them to get over me, and by the time i come back into their lives not only have they moved on but theyre forgotten our friendship. i want this to stop happening.
so i didnt know what to say.. how do i tell someone im not the girl for them but i do care. they see me as all my friends do.. some happy brillant "motivated" person.. but thats far from it..
i dont want people to see my bad days so i avoid showing them.
maybe i watch too many movies and have expectations that arent real
or maybe im just a dreamer
but the guy for me isnt anyone ive met yet..

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lacking in experience

March 18th 2008 08:11

so i went for a job interview today. i knew i was unlikely to get the job as i have no retail experience, but i do have customer service experience.. but the interviews said to me.. it was close enough.. i liked my impression of the company and what the job would be.. they interviewers were nice.
but my frustration is why interview someone if you believe they dont have the experience for the job? i recieved a phone call this afternoon politely thanking me for coming in today, but unfortunately due to my lack of experience i was not successful.
they had my resume for a week before i got i call asking for an interview.. so what was the point? i should just look at this as gaining experience in being interviewed.. but it is annoying as it wastes both my time and the employers.

105

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past forcing an effect on future

March 17th 2008 12:41

theres something in everyones life that they want forgetton, and left in the past. but when your skin is scarred and marked can the past really be forgotten?

I need a job, and when i do gather motivation to look for a job i think about a variety of different career choices, but in the end i wonder if i get an interview will my marked skin affect the decision of the employer? i know discrimination is illegal, but still, scars rule out a career in modelling, tv work, promotions etc. what if these were my passions? (luckily though they arnt

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