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"The saints sit up in heaven twiddling their thumbs because so few people pray to them any more." - St Madeleine Sophie Barat

Nothing Land - Potter in a Harry

I'm nothing but a sperm-depository to you.

April 9th 2009 01:48
I remember the night Vicky did mum's hair. Mum asked dad if he noticed anything different. Dad looked around the kitchen and couldn't see anything that had changed since he went to work that morning. I had a bit of a squiz myself. The walls were the same. The light globe was still in the same place.

This upset mum quite a bit. She didn't mention God much but she said, "For God's sake. I've had my hair coloured."

Dad made the fatal mistake of telling her it didn't matter to him what her hair looked like. I think he meant he liked it however it was, but mum didn't interpret it that way. She went on a rant about how nothing she did mattered to him.


Dad tried to explain. Just one more fatal mistake with a woman. Never try and explain anything to them when they're upset at you with what you've already said. You may as well buy a shovel, dig a big hole and get into it. Then dig it a bit deeper still.

Mum was a big one for tit-for-tat. Dad had insulted her. In her mind. She would insult him back. And then not have sex with him. "I'm nothing but a sperm depository to you, am I?" she yelled at him.

I don't know how she thought she was a sperm-depository because, according to dad, he hardly ever got his end in.

Dad decided two fatal mistakes wasn't enough. He asked mum if it was a new dress she was wearing. Mum just got up and went to the bedroom. And slammed the door behind her.

Dad just turned to me and said, "It's nice to spend a bit of time together, isn't it pal?" I just nodded because I think if I'd told him the truth at that time, he wouldn't have been in the mood to hear it.

Men and women are very different creatures. Don't believe anything modern people tell you about equality. It's not true.
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Posted By: Lady Henrietta Muddling - Category: Nothing Land
   


Why God gave us eyes.

April 6th 2009 21:52


Vicky used to come around and do mum’s hair in the kitchen. If you’re going to be a hairdresser in a country town, you’re usually born with a Bogan name. And you usually wear clothes out in public that anyone with a sense of class and style wouldn’t even be seen in at home. Some days I was surprised she didn’t wheel her haircutting tools into the house in a supermarket trolley.


Still, I suppose being a hairdresser is a step up from being a checkout chick.

Another thing about Vicky was, if you’re going to be a hairdresser, you should at least have a decent haircut. What’s with all the frizz?

I suppose in a country town there’s not much competition. So what you look like or how you advertise your business isn’t so important.

Plus it was a cash job. One of those under-the-table deals that women on the dole do. While they talk about honesty, and the injustice in the world, while they cut women’s hair. While the women having her hair cut talks about dishonesty and bad husbands and injustice in the world. And how they agree with each other that men are bastards.

Nearly everyone talks about injustice. No-one thinks about the debt they owe to God. Just the wrongs that have been perpetrated on themselves. As though justice is a personal thing. Which it’s not. If you pay your debts to God, you can pay your debts to yourself and your neighbour. (Yes, I’m still Bibling up in prison, and learning heaps. I almost wish I’d been incarcerated earlier. I would have found Jesus a lot sooner). And people always want other people to change but don’t make any changes in their own lives. Humans are just a bundle of misery when it comes to virtue. Jesus was right when he said, “Take the beam out of your own eye before you try to remove the mote from your friend’s eye.” We really are blind when it comes to life. It makes you wonder why God gave us eyes.
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Posted By: Lady Henrietta Muddling - Category: Nothing Land
   


Sorry but I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment.

April 6th 2009 01:41


Humans have lots of sayings that none of us know the origin of. You have to go to an etymologist. And even they can’t tell you half of the time.

They take an “educated” guess. Well a child in Grade 1 can take an “educated” guess. I guess. And your guess is as good as mine. Nearly. Why can kids take educated guesses? Because the child is being educated. In an educational facility. Regardless of how little the child is learning. Or how much the teacher is thinking of pegging another teacher during class.

Dad used to always say, “Sorry, but I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment.”

If he’d said that as he started eating his dinner, you’d go, Here is a man of his word. But he said it when he didn’t even have a plate in front of him.

It was dad’s way of saying, my wife is driving me crazy and I can’t think straight until the bitch is out of my life.

Then dad would absorb himself in his work. To take his mind off things. All those electrical things. Which wire goes where and which thing couples with which thing. And never realising that he could have worked out why his marriage was rooted if he’d just used being an electrician as an analogy for life. The male bit goes into the female bit. If it doesn’t fit, you may as well get a new part.

But dad wanted to save the marriage for a long time. There’s nothing like a regular root. Or having sex on tap, I guess. And so he stayed with mum. And used to jerk off in the toilet. Over porno magazines. Because having a regular root and sex on tap in a marriage doesn’t mean you ever get your end in. Ask any man who has been married. They’ll all tell you the same thing.

There’s a lot of talk about glasses, but sometimes it’s the plate that’s half empty. Usually half-way through your meal, most times.

I guess life has just become a retrospective reflection for me now. I just sit in my jail cell and think about the things that happened outside the jail cell. Because not much happens in here. It’s not like they’re rehabilitating me to re-enter society. I’m just being punished because dad had too much on his plate.
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Posted By: Lady Henrietta Muddling - Category: Nothing Land
   


Miss OddShoes

March 9th 2009 19:14
You might know of ... the Original Sin ...



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Posted By: Lady Henrietta Muddling - Category: Nothing Land
   


Hug a Cardboard Box.

March 8th 2009 01:30
See this cardboard box? It used to be a tree. That’s me hugging it.



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Posted By: Lady Henrietta Muddling - Category: Nothing Land
   


Foxtel Self-Sufficiency Mentality.

March 4th 2009 09:37

Self-sufficiency has become really popular nowadays. If you speak to people they’ll talk about how they want to run away from the hubbub and rat-race that modern life is, and live self sufficiently. They’ll talk about how much TV annoys them, then go on to list the ten must-see programs they watch each week, and how upset they get when the TV has nothing but shit programs on. Which they watch, incidentally. These people will often say things like, ‘I’m bored.’ What they’re really saying is, ‘Can someone entertain me because I forgot to exercise my mind and need someone to do it for me.’

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Posted By: Lady Henrietta Muddling - Category: Nothing Land
   


Boiling Blood. A Recipe for Disaster.

October 20th 2008 06:49
It makes my blood boil.


Dad failed completely as a husband and father, but he had a great, long-term relationship with his car


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Steer Clear Of Women With Pets.

October 16th 2008 09:31
"Slow down, Dildo!"


This is a continuation of Nothing Land. It’s the novel form of a screenplay about the childhood of a serial killer of the same name. But the novel comes from a completely different angle to the screenplay. Serial killer Kevin Mader is already in jail. Where even he admits he belongs. He’s writing down his thoughts and memories for the prison psych. For some reason, she wants to get into his mind. For some reason, Kevin is granting her access. Apart from being bored shitless, and just waiting to die or be killed, he likes having contact with her. It’s the first time in his life anyone has taken an interest in him or what he thinks


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Posted By: Lady Henrietta Muddling - Category: Nothing Land
   


Killing Creativity. (Cutting Life Short. Like A Bad Haircut).

October 8th 2008 21:49


Walking along a main street of a country town is like talking a stroll though an abandoned movie lot littered with billboards all saying the same thing: Don’t Be Creative


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