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Endearments are used in a wide variety of contexts: in intimate relationships, workplace rituals, even to put someone down. Reporter Peggy Agar complained when Senator Barack Obama deferred his reply to one of her questions by saying "Hold on, sweetie," but it is not known why she found the phrase offensive. Did she think that he was being sexist, or acting overly acquanited with her? Was he being inappropriately sexually suggestive?
Barack apologised for referring to Agar as 'sweetie' some time after the interview, stating that it was a bad habit of his to call people endearments in many different situations. He offered her the opportunity to interview him again when he was next in the area.
This story was reported on CNN, and the overwhelming response was that it was not newsworthy... very few people considered the endearment offensive in the light of the way the story was reported (no claims of sexism or inappropriate advances were made from Agar). People who also called people that weren't necessarily near and dear to them endearments stood up for the senator, with one respondent claiming that Obama could call her 'sweetie' any day. I was surprised to see this billed as one of the top international stories of the day, the No. 2 headline on the right hand column. You can read the story here.
What do you think? Is it risky to call someone not close to you by an endearment, not knowing how they might react? Or does it promote goodwill and bring people together?
I think that it's best to avoid endearments until you can find out how a person is likely to react to them. A simple question like 'Do you mind if I call you dearie/honey/love?' may avoid any misunderstandings or resentment. Of course, motives are different for each individual, and some people may indeed be sexist or sexually inappropriate in their delivery, in which case the endearment needs to be taken up with them, or by the law. Discrimination against women in particular is never justified and should be done something about immediately.
Do you have a story about using endearments that you'd like to share?
Remember how the city of San Francisco allowed same-sex couples to wed, despite the laws that banned such activity in the state? There are several lawsuits being put forth to the Supreme Court in relation to the overruling of the marriages.
I am not going to get too enthusiastic about this, as this would be the first time the justices have had to deal with a same-sex marriage case.
Nevertheless, the race is on for which state will be the first to join Massachussetts. The state allowed marriage for all its citizens (and all American ones, prompting an influx of people who wished to take advantage of these laws) in 2004.
Moving up north, the Canadian states of Ontario, Quebec and British Columbia also allow gay marriage, and, across the Atlantic Ocean, we have countru-wide endoresement of Belgium, The Netherlands and Spain. Spain also allows same-sex couple adoption!
How long will California's Defense of Marriage Act (Proposition 22) endure? Time is on the side of its eventual relegation to the scrap heap of history, but change cannot come soon enough. The longer we wait the more embraced this change will be by the community, but when will the tolerant masses be enough to push through the tide of prejudice?
And if it's taking so long to establish same-sex marriage as the norm in places like America, Britain, France and Sweden, how long is it going to take for it to happen in Cote d'Ivorie, Bolivia, Sri Lanka and Fiji?
We need to spread the message that same-sex marriage should have been approved yesterday across all continents, no matter how strong the opposition we face. Do it for the peaceful Gay Pride demonstrators in Latvia who had manure thrown at them, all the men and women who are beaten, tortured and sometimes murdered because they are somehow 'different', and all the people who don't quite see same-sex coules as valid as heterosexual ones.
I have tried to focus on happy and optimistic portrayals of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transsexuals and their heterosexual counterparts, though some films that aren't so positive must also be included due to the quality of the filmmaking. In no particular order:
Frida (2002)
A richly mounted, sumptuously shot film about the dramatic, impassioned life of Mexican artist Frida Kahlo, set early in the 20th century. Frida is ahead of her time and her paintings are seen as revolutionary, both by a famous artist who goes on to be her husband, Diego Rivera, and by the outside world which struggles to understand her depth of feeling and talent for expression. Frida has sexual experiences with both men and women, two of which are depicted in the film: the first is a sensual and teasing dance with Ashley Judd's Tina Modotti (and if artistic, erotically charged same-sex dancing is your thing, I also recommend Carlos Saura's Tango, where the two women make out at the end of their performance), and the second is set in a restraunt where Frida fondles her female companion's crotch under the table. Frida and her husband become Socialist revolutionaries and towards the end of the film they spend some time with Russian exile Leon Trotsky, with whom Frida has an affair. This disturbs Diego despite his many affairs with other women, including Frida's sister. A must see whatever your sexual orientation. The director of the film is female, Julie Taymour, and Salma Hayek's performance is hypnotically charismatic- she makes a monobrow look sexy.
All About My Mother (1999)
When Manuela loses her only son in a car accident, she decides to relocate to Barcelona from Madrid, where she crosses paths with a wide variety of people, including a transsexual named Agrado who decides to move on from being a prostitute, a sweet, altruistic nun named Rosa (Penelope Cruz) preparing to do charity work in San Salvador, and a troupe of touring actors performing A Streetcar Named Desire. She becomes an assistant to Huma, the lead actress, who says claims to be 'addicted' to her drug-addled co-star Nina. The shadow of Manuela's mysterious husband lingers in many a frame, until we finally meet him at the end of the film. AAMM deals with art and artifice, including that of being a woman. Manuela claims that all women are a bit 'lesbo'. Despite some deaths and tragedies, the movie ends on a happy note, and is a joy to watch as it makes excellent use of bright colours, especially red. The characters are no less colourful, making for a unique and special film experience. This is my favourite Pedro Almodovar film.
Moulin Rouge! (2001)
This is Baz Luhrmann's explosion of colour and spectacle, an impassioned melodramatic musical which soared and dove its way into my heart. A postmodern meditation on creation, the film is based around the Parisian nightclub Moulin Rouge (still standing today) at the turn of the 20th century, and combines music, theatre, dance, writing and cabaret for an all-out chairoscuro of an extravaganza. The costumes are as dazzling as the mise-en-scene, and the acting is fabulous. Contemporary music was used to demonstrate to modern viewers the codes and customs of the period, and so you'll find 'Voulez Vouz Coucher Avec Moi' by Mya, Pink, Lil Kim and Christina Aguilera played off by 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' by Nirvana in a single sequence. While the main relationship is between Christian (Ewan McGregor and Satine (Nicole Kidman), gaiety prevails, whether its beefy, tattoed guys dancing with each other in the nightclub or lesbians cavorting with each other under the starry skies of Monmartre. There's something for everyone, with sexualised dwarfs and representations of other alternative lifestyles. Then there's the camp interlude between Jim Boradbent and Richard Roxburgh, performed to Madonna's 'Like a Virgin'. Moulin Rouge! is an engaging love story about following your heart and living your life with passion, heightened by Luhrmann's masterful use of his medium.
The Dreamers (2003)
When American student Matthew comes to Paris to study, he meets an enigmatic brother and sister, Isabelle and Theo. As he gets closer to the two he realises that they are having an incestuous relationship, and soon becomes part of their insulated world. In love with Paris and cinema, the three youths escape into their own world of artistic and sexual discovery, even as other students are on the brink of the riots of 1968. Theo and Isabelle's father imparts the wisdom that to start a revolution they must engage with the outside world, but the two are too intimidated by the prospect of confonting their fears and insecurities to venture far away from the known. Can Matthew, and the outside world, open them up to new experiences? This Bertolucci film originally had more scenes of sexual experimentation between Matthew and Theo, but the final cut is pretty tame on that front, although there is a lot of nudity in this film in general.
The History Boys (2006)
A film of academic and sexual discovery with comedic overtones and a dramatic story structure. A group of smart young high school boys in 1980s England are being prepared for the exams which will determine if they will go to top universities or not, and they find themselves with much to learn when an unconventional young teacher comes to challenge their abilities. Literary references are everywhere, as is homosexuality. A male teacher is molesting the kids, one of the boys who wants to be a teacher himself comes to terms with his desire for the hunky guy in his class who will never return his affection, whereas said hunky guy brashly asks his teacher to give him sexual favours. Nicholas Hytner's unique contribution to cinema is worth a look.
Girl, Interrupted (1999)
When Susanna Kaysen (Winona Ryder) checks into a mental institution for 18 months, she begins to realise that she must get her act together. She encounters very colourful characters, each of whom has something to contribute to her story, and none of whom are what they seem. She develops a friendship with sociopathic Lisa Rowe (Angelina Jolie) that leads them to break rules and conventions and create their own sense of justice. Lisa deliberately flirts with a woman who is at the hospital because of her lesbianism though she has no intention to take it further, and acts recklessly and irresponsibly in many areas of her life. Despite Susanna's many trysts with men, she and Lisa share a kiss in the middle of the piece. Directed by James Mangold, the film also features Clea DuVall as a compulsive liar and Brittany Murphy as an incredibly insecure patient who has an incestuous relationship with her father.
American Beauty (1999)
This dark, off-beat and quirky dramedy about dysfunctional characters and Lester Burnham's journey of self-rediscovery won 5 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director and Best Screenplay. When we begin Lester (Kevin Spacey, who also won Best Actor) claims that masturbating in the shower is inevitably the best part of his day, he's disillusioned with his wife and can't reach his teenage daughter. Every character, seemingly except the happy gay couple, Jim and Jim, who live next door to the Burnhams is in dysfunctional relationships and has a lot of internal angst. Our exposure to them is brief, while we sit with the characters who struggle through every day, including the other family next door, a troubled young voyeur, his homophobic father and his deranged mother. This film makes me think about postmodern alienation, as does its successor TV series, Six Feet Under (also written by the gay Alan Ball). I won't give away the ending, but there's a pretty powerful statement made about homosexuality, even though the character responsible for it is represented in a negative light. The acting is brilliant, the movie looks delicious (there are some stand-out shots like a red door lit up in the night as rain falls outside) and the framing and editing are divine. It's also got a very atmospheric soundtrack.
Mulholland Drive (2001)
Things aren't quite what they seem when a Betty Elms meets beautiful amnesiac Rita. David Lynch introduced Naomi Watts to mainstream movie-making with his dream logic. The first three quarters of the film are intriguing enough, but it's watching them with the final quarter in mind that raises new, deeper questions about identity, sexuality and what lurks beneath the glossy images of Hollywood. The main relationship is between Naomi Watts and Laura Harring, and there is a very sexy lesbian scene, albeit informed by pain and disconent. This is quite a depressing movie, so be prepared to get disturbed.
Lord of the Rings (2001-2003)
Adapted from J.R.R. Tolkien, Peter Jackson has created one of the most successful films of all time. The darkness in this fantasy increases the closer we get to the climax, with an all-male Fellowship determined to destroy a ring that could be used for the destruction of all that is good in the world. Despite only officially dealing with heterosexual relationships, this is one of the most homoerotic films out there. It's a veritable posterchild for gay subtext, what with Sam's perpetual (and touching) devotion to his fellow hobbit Frodo, Aragorn's kissing of Boromir's forehead as the dying human hails him his 'captain', Legolas and Aragorn's deep engagement with each other's gazes and various other aspects of this triology, which is more than 11 hours long. Frodo telling Sam that he is "glad to be with [him], Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things" as he holds him close comes off as a revelation: 'The end of all things' could be said to symbolise the fall of the great adversary that is heteronormative custom. It's the one of the climaxes of the film, and they are emotionally and physically spent and are rejoicing in the other's presence. Then there's the ecstatic smiles on their faces when they reunite while Frodo is recovering in bed, and the extended farewell with more forehead kissing. Sam may end up marrying Rosie, but the emotional intesity of his film-long engagement with Frodo suggests that his heart could be elsewhere.
The on-screen chemistry is made available by intense relationships in real life. Sean Astin joked about leaving four messages on Elijah Wood's answering machine ('you know, in that way') at the MTV Awards, Orlando Bloom was going on and on about how brilliant Viggo Mortensen was and laughingly admitted he sounded like he was 'in love with the guy', and, well, watch the actors' discussion after Viggo kisses Billy Boyd here. Clearly the homoeroticism abounded off the screen too, and its not surprising that thousands of fans have written fiction about their favourite LotR characters, or the actors that portray them. Apparently Dominic Monaghan printed some of the RPS (Real Person Slash) stories and shared them with some of the cast at one of Elijah Wood's birthday parties. It's all pretty funny. So yeah, if you missed the ubiquitous gayness of The Lord of the Rings, you clearly didn't want to see it.
Fight Club (1999)
When Edward Norton's character (he is known only as 'The Narrator', or sometimes as Jack) meets Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt), he has had his support network invaded by a woman who is similarly drawn to support meetings for people suffering from serious diseases, like testicular cancer or brain disease. He claims he can't 'be real' about his pain when there's another 'faker' present, and so he goes back to being an insomniac. The narrator is a disgruntled employee for a car company whose job it is to determine whether a cost of recall is worth it when malfunctions come to his attention. How he deals with consumer culture and materialism is both scandalous and refreshing. A high budget anarchic text with the colours drained from the frame and given a greenish tinge, this film is David Fincher's masterpiece and so beautifully shot and framed as to leave me ranting for days. There's a big twist at the end which will make you want to watch the flm all over again.
This is another case where subtext is the logic of the day, with The narrator coming off as quite disturbed when Tyler sleeps with the woman he supposedly hates, Marla Singer. Then there's little things like referring to his relationship with Tyler as 'Ozzie and Harriet'-like with a bit of tie-adjusting playing. Don't see this movie for the subtext, though. See it because it's impeccably shot, complete with subliminal flashing and some of the most interesting treatises on consumerism you will ever see.
Bonus: TV & Short films:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series) (1997-2003)
Another cult favourite, Buffy is famous for representing a happy lesbian relationship between characters Willow and Tara, and featuring other gay characters, but just as important is the subtext, which is all over the place, perhaps most poignantly when Buffy's mother shuns her when she learns about her identity as The Slayer.
Yin (Short Film) (2004)
This is not an image from the film
When a large group of raindrop-shaped yin and yang particles seek out their opposite (and supposedly complementary) elements, two aspects of yang seem left out. For whatever reason, they can't acquire the opposite energy and are left stranded together. They attempt to come together, but aren't really sure how, so end up forlorn and lonely. However, soon they find that without really trying, they naturally gravitate to each other, and represent a new shape all of their own. Check out this Tropfest 2004 winning film, which has been adapted to a music video and played by the Whitlams in concert, here. I am lucky to know the creator of this film, Costa Avgoustinos.
Over the past two years I've enjoyed scrolling through my statistics and saving the code for what people were looking for before they clicked on one of my pages... I've included the search packages here because the include terms which were not put together by me anywhere in the website, making them amusing and/or bizarre to contemplate.
From Google.com: birth death and marriages of Phnom Penh
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This is a list to be added to, but here are my first three entries:
(1) I agree - While this is a quick way to demonstrate your sense of solidarity with another's opinion (and may be convenient when you only have a limited time to do so), it also reinforces the idea that minds can think exactly the same thing. It's much better to provide a response which indicates how the text in question stimulates your own opinion. Surely you can put things in other words, and I don't just mean paraphrasing? If you really care about an issue, then you can add to the discourse on and around it by taking the time to construct a response which is unique and inspires a different way of thinking about the issue in question. Probe further - how does the text that inspired you direct your thinking? You'll soon realise that avoiding echoing the other's sentiment allows you to be more inventive, and even discover aspects of your opinion which you may not have previously thought about. Even if you have a strong affinity for the way a person has expressed themselves, move outside your comfort zone and embellish on their points, offer a different perspective and show that person that you respect their thoughts enough not to let them speak for anyone else but themselves. In other words, be a leader, not a follower. Using "I agree" may not automatically make you a "'yes' man", but it limits you to a simplistic representation of allegiance, one that is best avoided
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If you were to look up the word 'relativity' (or perhaps its root, 'relative') in five dictionaries you would get five different definitions... my own perceptions of 'realitivity' are undeniably unique to me, and I have never thought about it the same way twice as my mind is forever changing. Such is the beauty of perception and language... who do you want to be today? Perhaps you speak another language, in which case your understanding of 'relativity' is informed by a culturo-lingual conditions which are necessarily only accessible to you.
Isn't it wonderful that the use of the word 'relative' is always relative?
Is 'fixity' a less interesting word than 'relativity'? It's usage is just as affected by context and there are similarly as many meanings of it as there are individuals, but instead of aiding the process of appreciation of this phenomenon it emphasises traditional notions of the unchanging, non-fluid and inflexible. I personally prefer to use words which help me articulate my attraction to the wonders of constantly re-evaluating my perception. This is my 'power vocabulary', the lingual tools I use to enhance my self-empowerment
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So here's the deal I made with my dad: If I do uni (UNSW) part-time, I am allowed to travel on a budget whenever I have time off. This means that if I pass whatever course(s) I take next semester, I can spend up to three months getting acquainted with Latin America, for instance.
After experiencing various degrees of revulsion to the many courses on offer for first year undergraduates, I have finally found a film course which doesn't make me angry (yet) - here's the short description available of "MEFT1201: Working with Image and Sound
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This site is a response to the increasing rapidity with which people in the popular media embrace the idea that everything is relative... I hope to analyse discourses which emphasise the fluidity of knowledge, that change is the only constant, and make new and complicated connections between aspects of the (post)modern world. I will be focusing on gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex and 'queer' (GLBTIQ) issues in particular, examining the way these contribute to my notion of relativity as refreshed by my consumption of mass media texts.
The way we use language is very important, and should be paid a great deal of attention. More so than is being done now. I often find it rewarding to consider the multiple contexts that are available to me at any one time conerning any particular topic, and find that "it's all relative" - there's no certainty in the world, and the desire to search for some is a fearful practice passed on from one generation to another
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Comment by postmoderncritic
on Gay Marriage Is Legal In California Now
Postmodern Critic
Daily Inspirations
Relativity Watch
When two people of the same sex become married, the 'husband and wife' terminology no longer applies. Gay people aren't trying to follow in heterosexuals' footsteps. 'Spouse' will probably still apply, and perhaps they will refer to each other as 'husband and husband' and 'wife and wife' or maybe come up with a whole new terminology altogether (either officially or unofficially).
Would the stay-at-home spouse get the kids? Or the wage earner?
It would depend on the specifics of each case... and yes, the higher wage earner is more likely to be asked for money, whether they're married to a person of the same sex or not.
Would the two be absolutely equal in all ways?
I don't see why not.
Would an abused male partner be able to go to a "battered women's shelter?" Or would new shelters have to be created for abused gays only?
I don't think men are allowed in women's shelters, because they're not women. The aim of these shelters is to provide a safe environment, and this is usually interpreted to mean 'free of men'. I don't know if there are any men's shelters. There should be, because men who are abused by other men have sepcific concerns (i.e. they need to be in a supportive environment, and hopefully with other abused men so they can support each other)
Now that two men can marry or two women can marry, will three people be able to do it?
It's possible that people might wish for this to happen... I'm not sure how acceptable it will be seen as.
Hope that answers some of your questions...