From a little girl to a young lady..
So suddenly, so unexpectedly, so hastily.
It seems as though just yesterday you looked up at me
with so much adoration and trust, before you crossed that line from my innocent little girl, to my now naively innocent young teen;
Confused in thinking you can face this world and all of its predators, without me to watch over you and protect you from harm.
Searching for your identity within your inner realm of mixed emotions, hormones, mood swings, peer pressure and abhorrence of rules and repercussions.
I understand what you are going through my girl, I was in your shoes not so long ago - only difference is I choose to love you with every fibre of my being. I choose to protect you from unnecessary harm and I choose to guide you along your journey through adolescence; through life.
I do not wish to control your identity. I wish you to experience all aspects of this life - love, hurt, laughter, heartbreak, passion, trust, deception, sadness and happiness.
To experience all of these is to be truly alive. As difficult as it is for me, your mother, to watch you go through the tougher times of your journey; I will watch, I will listen, I will react to your actions and respond accordingly.
I will trust you always my girl, as I still feel your undying love for me. I understand that this very love for me also turns to hate or anger towards me when I interfere in your journey, trying to help you steer it in the right direction.
If not for my devoted love for my precious girl, my precious miracle - I would at times like to retreat, to back down and let it be the way you desire it to be in your naivety, in your surety that you know it all and all is good in the world..
How it would be so much easier and peaceful for me to turn a blind eye, but my sweet girl, nothing great in life comes easy. You have to work hard at this life, you have to fight for what you believe in, you have to protect the ones you love with all your might; believing that at the end of that dark tunnel of confusion, holding one another by the hand to guide each other through the darkness; at the end of that long tunnel will emerge my girl smiling at me once again, adoring me once again - comforted in knowing your mum fought for your innocence, for your safety and protection..
Safe in knowing that your mum stood firmly beside you always, never prepared to walk away or turn her back on her precious girl..
Happy in believing in my unconditional love for you and my duty to you, to always watch over you and hold my hand out to yours. To guide you and advise you, to anger you with restrictions and consequences.
The hope; the faith that you will emerge from that dark tunnel to see a rainbow coloured sky, to feel the warm rays of the sun wrap you in a feeling of security, of maturity, of self-respect, of protection.
The hope that you will realise all I did was for you, never against you.
I won't take the easy way because I believe in you, I trust in you and I have faith in our strong bond of mother and daughter, of friend and confidante. Faith that you will embrace me once again with that old sparkle in your eyes, that beautiful smile upon your face - assured and content in knowing your are truly, deeply honoured, loved and cherished by me for all eternity..
Assured and content in knowing I did all I could to guide you and protect you..
Assured and content in knowing that you are worth more than life itself to me and I will always be grateful for you.. I will always appreciate you.. I will always trust and respect you and my hand will be forever outstretched to you my darling girl.
I will never give up on you. I will never turn my back on you. Never. Never. Never.
My darling little teen. My naive, innocent and not-so-innocent little girl. I am your mother; I nurtured you, I gave you life and all that I do is for you, because I love you like only a mother could love.
You may hate me for a little while; that's ok, although it hurts like hell, but I
know that the sun will soon come out in your world again..In our world, in our home, in our relationship as mother and daughter; because you know I love you so much. You feel it each day in all I do and say, even in the not-so-good days or not-so-nice words; you still feel my love because you know I am fighting for you to be safe from harm, to be safe from feeling unloved or unwanted by me, to be safe in knowing I am your mother and I will not make you face this world alone. I will not let you see or live as I did in a very cold and ugly world.
I will be here always to hold your hand and guide you into the warm and beautiful world you can embrace and live in, as you deserve.
If only you would believe in my decisions and trust in my motives, in my love and devotion to you and your happiness;
Then the end of that tunnel would be ever so near, and that rainbow would be shining bigger and brighter than ever before.. Our home would be happy again and our hearts would beat the same beat again as mother and daughter should.
My confused, innocent, naive young teen. Hurry up and come back to me.
Smile for me and believe in me.
You are my world.
You are my sunshine.
You are my rainbow.
You are my beautiful shining star.
You are my flesh and blood.
My lifeline.
My reason for living.
My girl.
Always and forever know how much I love you;
Yesterday..
Today..
Tomorrow..
For all eternity.
Mum xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Emily Daoud.
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