Please don't thank god.
March 13th 2008 05:32
And the award for the most hopelessly disorganised, permanently deluded and painfully self absorbed parent in the known universe goes to:
Not your near-baby-dropping Britney Spears, baby-dangling Michael Jacksons or the Steve Irwin baby-tucker-for-crocodiles sorts of the world...
No.
Not even the twenty year old girl from Moe with the flannies and bleached blonde hair entering severe regrowth stage with four children from four different fathers who has appeared on both Today Tonight and A Current Affair sobbing saying she didn’t know how it happened that she had so many children to so many men cos it just sort of, well...happened....
No.
Although it could have been Steve Irwin because as we all know, his flame is still flickering by Terri Irwin forcing their children to watch him each morning and continuing in all things Irwin-ey.
I have it on good authority Bindi is about to launch her own lingerie line with "Don’t eat me please Mr Crocodile" eblazoned on the crotches of undies made especially for nine year old girls...
But I digress, worthy recipients that they are for the worst parent in living history.
The winner of this award has committed far more sinister acts with the judges aghast and disturbed by the revelations.
Amongst them are the fact that this parent is in a permanent state of disarray when preparing her children each day for school, deluding herself for believing she can have a shower, prepare their lunches, their clothes and serve them breakfast in half an hour.
It’s descended into such chaos that the lollipop lady at the school crossing simply looks at her in barely disguised disgust when the mother waves sheepishly as she drops her eldest child off anything up to ten minutes late each day at school.
Being booked for speeding driving to school is another shameful and shameless action this parent has caused, forcing the poor child to dob her in to the father which the mother knew would happen anyway because her eldest child is not a very good secret keeper....
But the ultimate sin of this pathetic excuse for a parent and mother is the fact that for the second year running she has forgotten to pay for her child’s school photo who will now not receive one even though she did glance, very briefly, at the school newsletter a week after it was printed then promptly forgot all about it.
In one eye and out the other I say.
So, dodgy, daggy parent, you shall now be held in esteem only slightly higher than pedophiles, serial murderers and anyone who voted for the Liberal Party in the election.
And please, don’t thank god when you receive this award.
Thank you.
Not your near-baby-dropping Britney Spears, baby-dangling Michael Jacksons or the Steve Irwin baby-tucker-for-crocodiles sorts of the world...
No.
Not even the twenty year old girl from Moe with the flannies and bleached blonde hair entering severe regrowth stage with four children from four different fathers who has appeared on both Today Tonight and A Current Affair sobbing saying she didn’t know how it happened that she had so many children to so many men cos it just sort of, well...happened....
No.
Although it could have been Steve Irwin because as we all know, his flame is still flickering by Terri Irwin forcing their children to watch him each morning and continuing in all things Irwin-ey.
I have it on good authority Bindi is about to launch her own lingerie line with "Don’t eat me please Mr Crocodile" eblazoned on the crotches of undies made especially for nine year old girls...
But I digress, worthy recipients that they are for the worst parent in living history.
The winner of this award has committed far more sinister acts with the judges aghast and disturbed by the revelations.
Amongst them are the fact that this parent is in a permanent state of disarray when preparing her children each day for school, deluding herself for believing she can have a shower, prepare their lunches, their clothes and serve them breakfast in half an hour.
It’s descended into such chaos that the lollipop lady at the school crossing simply looks at her in barely disguised disgust when the mother waves sheepishly as she drops her eldest child off anything up to ten minutes late each day at school.
Being booked for speeding driving to school is another shameful and shameless action this parent has caused, forcing the poor child to dob her in to the father which the mother knew would happen anyway because her eldest child is not a very good secret keeper....
But the ultimate sin of this pathetic excuse for a parent and mother is the fact that for the second year running she has forgotten to pay for her child’s school photo who will now not receive one even though she did glance, very briefly, at the school newsletter a week after it was printed then promptly forgot all about it.
In one eye and out the other I say.
So, dodgy, daggy parent, you shall now be held in esteem only slightly higher than pedophiles, serial murderers and anyone who voted for the Liberal Party in the election.
And please, don’t thank god when you receive this award.
Thank you.
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