Penster70

Carlingford, New South Wales, AUSTRALIA


Joined September 12th 2006

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Recent Posts

Lung Cancer Hurts

September 12th 2006 09:30
I was really sad when I knew it was time to stop smoking because no matter how much I was chastised about my “dirty habit” I enjoyed the sensation immensely.

I didn’t however enjoy the smoke, contrary to popular belief smokers are bright and intelligent people. Smokers know as well as anyone else that the smoke part of the equation is pretty disgusting. In fact do you think smokers would light a cigarette if they didn’t contain nicotine? Well of course they wouldn’t, they’re not stupid, they’re just addicted to a legal drug that until a few years ago was promoted in advertising.

The cigarette is merely a vehicle for the nicotine. This is why I am reluctant to advocate stop-smoking aids because you are merely transferring the addiction to a different vehicle, like changing your car I guess. I would also question the historical ties of the drug and tobacco companies, anyway that’s another discussion.

I am no advertisement for successfully stopping smoking, although I no longer smoke, it did take me ATLEAST 40 attempts over a 10 year period. I would stop smoking but allow myself the occasional cigarette over a drink and would tap up one of my mates on a night out. Then I began to look forward to going out for the sole reason that I could smoke and then I arranged extra nights out so that I could smoke more. If you are reading this and it’s ringing bells, please just go back to your 10 a day, get your head in the right place and try again because you need to re-focus. As a person addicted to nicotine you will always be looking for an excuse to relapse, it’s the nature of the beast.

The way I stopped was to get my head around what I was doing to myself by smoking, to try and understand the addiction and study the process. I googled and surfed and found numerous articles on stopping smoking. I made notes on the 4,000 chemicals in each cigarette. I learned about how quickly the nicotine leaves your body and how amazing the body really is, picking up the pieces and taking me through an amazing healing process the minute I stubbed out my last ciggie.

I learned about the neuronal pathways and how quickly they re-sensitise. I stopped smoking on the 17th Feb this year and I can’t believe how much more I can smell and taste my life. Nicotine takes around 200 neuro-chemicals hostage, all those senses associated with mood, reward, stimulation and anxiety. After only 72 hours, that’s just three days, the brain neurons start bathing in nicotine-free, oxygen rich blood serum again.

You need to take every single day at a time and take stock to congratulate yourself on your progress and reflect on how your body is responding and healing and reversing all the negative effects of smoking. This is a time of readjustment and you just need to focus on going to bed that night without a cigarette, forget about tomorrow or next week.

As each day passes you will honestly think less and less about cigarettes, you will think less and less about voids, emptiness, hunger for nicotine etc.

Don’t listen to people who tell you they stopped smoking 10 years ago and could still murder a cigarette. Remember that you will be looking for an excuse to start and if you think that you will still feel this way in 10 years you will see no point in continuing and before you know it, will be stood in a shop asking for a packet of B&H and then kicking yourself all the way home. I stopped only 7 months ago and I don’t crave cigarettes at all, I never fancy the odd one anymore and I enjoy a glass of wine without feeling desperately deprived. I smoked 20 a day (or more) for 20 years.

For the first few days drink loads of fresh fruit juice because it satisfies the sugar cravings that you may get. Nicotine has been helping to store fats in your body, which is why many smokers don’t have a sweet tooth I guess. So when you stop smoking your body has to re-adjust and by feeding your body with lots of natural sugars, especially cranberry juice, you will help reduce sugar cravings.

You will probably find yourself drinking much less coffee too as smokers need twice the amount of caffeine to achieve the same effects as a non-smoker.

Drink lots of fluids as this also helps to flush the nicotine out of your system, nicotine exits the body via urine, you can even wave it goodbye as you flush and start to feel cleansed.

I always worried about how I would cope with an awkward phone call, times of anxiety and times of excitement. All those times that you reach for a cigarette and it is just the best cigarette of the day. However, it’s actually quite a buzz when you get this adrenalin pumping feeling as a non-smoker and you don’t reach for a cigarette you merely ride the feeling and enjoy the prolonged excitement. It’s actually the chemicals in the cigarette that makes you feel more anxious. Nicotine takes control of the minds adrenaline activity but you will soon be back in control and no longer on such a roller coaster.

Cravings are probably the most dreaded part of the process but again it is worth remembering that cravings are more creatures of our own conditioning than an actual physical withdrawal. Remember take deep breaths when you get a craving, no craving will last more than 3 minutes (time distortion makes you THINK they last longer) The experts reckon the figures are as follows: Cravings reduce to 6 craves on day 3; 3.5 – 4 craves on day 5; 2 craves on day 10.

Eventually we recondition our mind NOT to expect nicotine and it begins to understand that there is no point desiring nicotine because no more is going to come. The body’s time trigger is constantly being reconditioned as levels of nicotine deplete. Anticipate cravings as a necessary part of the process towards success and beat cigarettes for ever. Learn to embrace the cravings, take deep breaths and view them as a part of this amazing temporary readjustment.

If you’ve heard someone say a million times…”if I can do it anyone can”…it’s true and you will say the same thing too.
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Trying times, trying to conceive.

September 11th 2006 02:53
When you’re younger you just assume that you can get pregnant. You don’t even think much about your monthly bleeds, until you actually need to take advantage of them.

It’s only when you get older that you start to realise that it’s sometimes just not that easy to conceive. I kissed many frogs before I found my prince and so it was through doing the right thing that I waited before trying for a family.

Once I had been married for a couple of years and hit thirty five my fertility became a discussion point, regardless of my permission, it was a topic of conversation whether I liked it or not.

My husband and I would be stood socialising at a party, glass of wine in hand while people told me I shouldn’t be drinking “if I was trying to you-know-what”. Friends and family found it perfectly natural to talk me through a healthy eating plan of green leafy vegetables, Vitamin C, Folate, Zinc and lots of water. Colleagues started to assume I wouldn’t be looking for promotion any time soon. Why people thought it was their divine right to comment I’ll never know but I wouldn’t dream of asking them how many times they shagged every week or whether they had erection problems.

My journey has been interesting to say the least and after two years of trying we decided to seek help, medical, specialised help. This in itself is quite hard to come to terms with as you are admitting that at least one of you has a problem “down there”. AND you feel somehow that you are giving in to the whims of everyone else too.

You see once you start trying, without success, you find everyone around you talking about babies. Nappy adverts are two a penny and every other woman you walk past in the street is heavily pregnant and looking very smug about it (so you think). It’s the same when you break up with someone, when your sensitivity levels are heightened to something in particular, the world seems to start a conspiracy against you.

So do you tell people that you are trying? Well, in truth it doesn’t actually matter whether you verbalise it or not because they often make the assumption anyway. Unfortunately I find the success of my life now measured on my ability to produce a healthy child.

A very good friend of mine is in her late forties, she is happily married, has a fulfilling life and has decided against having children. She doesn’t want to “fuck up someone else’s life for them, the way her parents did with hers”. Fair enough I say. However, she is amazed by the number of forlorn, sympathetic looks that she receives when she tells people that she doesn’t have children. 1 in 100 people actually credit her with making an informed decision but most believe her life is so busy to compensate for her void. Well quite the opposite, one of the many reasons she decided not to bother was BECAUSE she and her hubby were so fulfilled and couldn’t, or chose not to, fit small people into their schedules.

So once you decide you want to get pregnant but find it’s proving a tad harder than you originally expected do you undertake your own research project? Well, it’s hard not to these days with easy access to media, books galore on every subject under the sun and the World Wide Web at your finger tips. And of course if you know other people are going through the same thing as you, it’s sometimes easier to swallow, I was never one to get into all the chat rooms though.

I must admit that once I started to Google “infertility” “I.V.F” and the like, a whole new world opened up to me and I discovered things about my own body I never knew, even at the ripe old age of 35. My body had been giving me certain signals since I was 11 years old and I just didn’t know it.

The downside of research is coming across website after website depicting the diaries of women who desperately want children. Who chart their daily temperature every single morning between the hours of 6am-8am, before they’ve even lifted their head from the pillow they reach for the mercury. They mark the days they have intercourse, check their daily discharge, look for a fern pattern in their saliva through special magnifying glasses and then go for their life in the 5 – 7 day window of fertility, mid cycle. All this often results in tears down the loo when once again the monthly painters and decorators knock on the door.

So what was the first thing our specialist said on our first visit before we even opened our mouths?

Throw away any thermometers, throw away your “Maybe baby”, don’t listen to what other people say, have sex three times a week and enjoy it. I think that’s pretty good advice for now.
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Recent Comments

Comment by Penster70
on BEING SINGLE IS GOOD

September 12th 2006 11:59
Hey there. Great post. I believe we should all be single for a couple of years, live on our own and fend for ourselves. It helps us truly appreciate who we are, what we want and what we will accept.

It's sort of inevitable though that we will meet someone, or that even though we are single it is just a temporary set back. I haven't met anyone that says "Well I'm currently in a relationship but I hope to be single for the rest of my life"

So if you are single make the most of it and learn about yourself.




Comment by Penster70
on Can I get a glass of blah blah blah with that?

September 12th 2006 11:34
So what do you reckon about these weight watchers meetings ??

I have been been fluctuating for years and I am seriously considering joining a group to give me some motivation.

As I'm not seriously over weight..but I am over weight... I always lose a few pounds, feel skinny, fit nicely into all my clothes and head right back up to the five kilos I just lost...I'm just not sure what to do now ??


Comment by Penster70
on Lung Cancer Hurts

September 12th 2006 10:57
You can do it Cinico !!!

I think red wine tastes better now...but I'm not going to preach...in your own good time eh !!

Good luck

Comment by Penster70
on Goldfish Memory

September 12th 2006 10:49
Well I am with you on this one. I recently acquired two little goldfish and I take my job very seriously. They can live a serious length of time if they are properly looked after. The oldest recorded goldfish was about 40 years old.

The biggest two causes of death.
1) Over feeding. Goldfish only need to be fed once a day...not three times a day. They can actually survive for up to 14 days without food, which I would not advocate, but those dirty horrible weekend food blocks only rot in their water and help to pollute their suply of oxygen. If you're going away for the weekend they will be fine for a couple of days. Some studies actually say that it helps their digestive system to fast them once a week. Also they are built to go without food for a few days, the ocean is a dog eat dog (or fish eat fish) world and so they are built to survive periods of time without food.

2) Dirty water. Make sure the water is clean, if you have a filter clean it and/or change it. Fish live in their own excrement and the rest... so you must keep the tank clean by changing half to two thirds of the water once a week. Don't change all the water though or it may shock them to a untimely, premature death.

I am glad you called into question their three second memory. I am sure they get excited at 6pm every night when I tap on the tank, say hi, watch them swim and give them food.


Comment by Penster70
on Captivating: unveiling the mystery of a woman soul

September 12th 2006 10:23
Cher

Although I haven't yet read the book, I am an avid reader and may one day get around to it.

This is co-written by a male, her husband...I am slightly suspicious when women ask there husbands to join them in a book that's title should clearly not involve them and it puts me off. We have been listening to what men think since time began and if we are going to write these books for empowerment and self discovery surely we don't need a male as our testimony.

I am also not very religious but like to read books that are...otherwise I would be ignorant with no grounds for not being religious.

The main reason for responding to your blog though is that I believe that are many more facets to a women's personality, needs, wants and desires

I would question the three main desires of women as laid out in the book and may suggest the following instead.
Women desire a voice, women desire choice and they desire a hand with the cooking ever now and again

Comment by Penster70
on Rebound Relationships

September 12th 2006 10:02
Well Ruth, although I do agree with what you say to some extent I feel we need to delve a bit deeper and examine context.

So I beg the question...are were putting people into categories too easily and compartmentalisig emotions ?
Are we creating labels so that people think they should behave in a certain way when clearly emotions are subjective, spontaneous and often irrational reactions to a situation?

Let's take another example. I once knew a mature lady with two children, when her husband died suddenly in car accident. Within four months of his death she was dating his best friend within two years they were married and they have lived together happily for the past 10 years.

This situation fits all your criteria of a rebound situation, (paragraph one of your blog)

Now was she on the rebound ? Did they have secret designs on each other all along while her husband was alive ? Was it the right thing to do ? If she had done what everyone expected of her which was to mourn her husband for years she may have lost all this happiness to loneliness

This union with her late husband's mate diminished the "plethora of emotions including shock, denial, anger, sadness, insecurity, and failure." and actually saved her from further heartache and helped her to cope with a terrible situation.

I have heard of many rebound success stories too.

Also I know many people who constantly need to be in a relationship and once a break up occurs they spend a limited amount of time on their own and quickly move on to the next relationship.

Can we not just view these people as brave, go getters, ready for a challenge, moving forward in their lives instead of wallowing in self pity.

How long do you leave it before you get over being called a rebounder ?


Comment by Penster70
on Your Child and Your Partner

September 12th 2006 07:38
It's amazing that many of my girlfriends, family etc look at me with such disdain and utter disappointment when I tell them that I plan to be the one going to work everyday as they can not conceive (pardon the pun) such a propsterous idea.

One of the reasons I married the man is because of his nurturing and sensitive qualities.

So I thank you, heaps, for your supportive comments on this. I hope the message "what works for you" and "choice" eventually becomes the accepted norm, so that our decisions about our families are not scrutinised and put under the spotlight when they don't conform to the general consensus

Of course, this is provided we are lucky enough to have children in the future...fingers and toes and crossed

Comment by Penster70
on Stupid Sydney Shop Names

September 12th 2006 06:35
Just digressing slightly there was a great caption/catchphrase for a firm of Indian builders I heard of recently

"Now you've dealt with the cowboys, try the indians"

Brilliant !!!!!

Comment by Penster70
on Your Child and Your Partner

September 12th 2006 06:21
These blogs are not necessarily meant to be instructive they are just kindly reminders to the fact that if you're dating someone with kids, just remember they have other priorities and that all parties should be conscious and obliging about this HUGE part of someone's life

Let's also not forget a big no no...don't send messages via the child between separated parents. Positive messages maybe acceptable on the odd occasion but children should never be used as a go between.

It was probably "mothercraft" parenting classes in the 70's aimed only at women that have helped to increase the divorce rate. These classes do not serve to teach foundations for a happy EQUAL relationship with EQUAL responsibility for the child and it's puts the onus on the mother(bet there weren't any men in these classes as they were all probably doing metalwork or science at the time). Nor does it encourage the mother to feel like a rounded individual, rather it would reinforce her role existing whollyfor the needs of their children. This is one of the reasons that women became dissatisfied with their marriage.

My husband and I have decided that if we have children he would stay at home as he is much more suited to parenting, he has done it before and I have a wonderful 12 year old step-son, his temperament is much more relaxed than mine and I earn more money so can better provide for our family