getting through each day
November 30th 2008 22:16
The holidays seem to be a hard time for me, I look at where my life has been and where it is leading. I pray for a future, but accept whatever life gives me. I look forward to Christmas and the joy that it brings. Every day for me is filled with different emotions. when I am at work, I work through my day not thinking about what could be. when I am at home alone, I think about what could have happened and what could still happen. most people would tell me to stop thinking about what I can not change and enjoy life. Everyday I learn of another person who is losing their fight with Pancreatic Cancer. Everyday I wonder if that will be me in the furutre. I took out a 25,000 life insurance policy so that if something happens to me, my husband would have some more money to pay for whatever needs to be paid for. I find myself organizing just in case. I want him to know where things are if he needs to find them. I am not sure why I do these things, I think just in case. I plan for the worst and pray for the best. I have no controll over cancer, I can only pray it does not come back. I am going to be a grandmother. this makes me very happy. at the same time I wonder if this is something God is sending me now at this point in my life as a way of telling me something. is this something good before the bad? all I can do is pray for happiness, pray for health, pray for life. all I can do is pray!
life is something very precious, I hope that everyone understands that and they live life to its fullest. if my step children have learned anything from me its that, when life is hard and you think you can not go on, look to your family for strength. Christmas is my strenght, when I think of Christmas I remember so many happy memories. Those memories keep me smiling even when I want to cry. In 2009 I look forward to meeting others who are Pancreatic Cancer survivors. I also look forward to meeting those that have survived 5 years.
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