Nuero Toxin
October 24th 2008 12:50
So I was talking about those ads.
You know, you're just innocently sitting on a train and suddenly right beside you, in big block letters glaring yellow and black, is "Not Liking Yourself" "Feeling Sick" and I think we have "Self Loathing" Oh no wait. I think thats actually what I said. But my point is that When you are sitting there and suddenly those words feel your vision, its like....
"Hey. That billboard just read my mind"
They are talking about addiction. And when you get talking about drug addiction, alcoholisim and any of those nasty mother fuckers, really, you are only talking about the biggest badass of them all. And that is addiction itself.
Most addicts will tell you as soon as they quit one thing they start another thing. Its common. But doesnt that fully illustrate that there is a deeper underlaying problem? Some final and ultimate cause to it all? But what happens if you go looking for the cause and you just keep feeling more hurt. What if pain is all there is. Endless layers. Addiction is your friend then.
At some point, you realize it.
That you are not going to die romantically young. And its not going to be cool or awesome or staged for maximum effect. Its going to be gross. Its going to be embarassing. I'll have to pretend I know how to react in horrible disaster struck situations where Im about to die. Its not going to be when Im young and know everything - its going to be when Im old and trying to remember I knew everything.
And up until that point - that point that you are certain death is immenant, life is going to be hard. Its going to suck, actually. Its going to be painful, confusing, embarassing, frustrating...
And thats when you start thinking. That moment is coming. I dont know when its coming....
(For some of us, these moments have happened multiple times. Its kinda why we're freakin out)
And up until then I have no control, no control....So....If I keep thinkin about this Im gonna blow so....Take the edge off.
Take the edge off....
Whats your pleasure? Come on, we can tell the truth here, just here. We all know the truth. Everyone is addicted to something and its right there on the top of the personal list as a must have. If its unavailable, there is a substitue, and a back up plan. Then youve just got damage control. Dont feel bad, animals get wacked too. If they can. Birds will drink lolly water out of spilled glass bottles. And we humans have made so much...Our alcohol is vastly varied. Synthesis of magnificent drugs. And the old faves. Pot. Opium and her less pure derives.
We all know, that addiction is the thing, the one thing, that needs to be fought. To find the underlying problem that causes the weakness in behaviour in the first place is the key. Then all things could be enjoyed in moderation without the need to binge. A healthy balance could be maintained.
And yet we insist on breaking these addictions up into tiny pieces and treating this part or that part, what we call 'habits' and it makes me worry....
These 'cured' ones. The ones who Dont drink dont smoke....Although they used to. Where did their bad habits go? Did they pop up in their personality traits? Im thinking so.
This is just one of the small lies the humans race tells itself. Slowly the lies begin to pile up to choke us. Why. Why lie to ourselves. Far better to incorporate addiction if we cannot admit that we are unable to decipher the mental problems linked to it.
I admit Im addicted to addiction. My throat almost closed over in excitement, making pressure in my temples. Dry tongue. Pounding heart, pounding all the harder as I realize my throats blocked. Excitement rising in my gut....
When I love, I love absolutely. I am a person of extremes. As you can see.
You know, you're just innocently sitting on a train and suddenly right beside you, in big block letters glaring yellow and black, is "Not Liking Yourself" "Feeling Sick" and I think we have "Self Loathing" Oh no wait. I think thats actually what I said. But my point is that When you are sitting there and suddenly those words feel your vision, its like....
"Hey. That billboard just read my mind"
They are talking about addiction. And when you get talking about drug addiction, alcoholisim and any of those nasty mother fuckers, really, you are only talking about the biggest badass of them all. And that is addiction itself.
Most addicts will tell you as soon as they quit one thing they start another thing. Its common. But doesnt that fully illustrate that there is a deeper underlaying problem? Some final and ultimate cause to it all? But what happens if you go looking for the cause and you just keep feeling more hurt. What if pain is all there is. Endless layers. Addiction is your friend then.
At some point, you realize it.
That you are not going to die romantically young. And its not going to be cool or awesome or staged for maximum effect. Its going to be gross. Its going to be embarassing. I'll have to pretend I know how to react in horrible disaster struck situations where Im about to die. Its not going to be when Im young and know everything - its going to be when Im old and trying to remember I knew everything.
And up until that point - that point that you are certain death is immenant, life is going to be hard. Its going to suck, actually. Its going to be painful, confusing, embarassing, frustrating...
And thats when you start thinking. That moment is coming. I dont know when its coming....
(For some of us, these moments have happened multiple times. Its kinda why we're freakin out)
And up until then I have no control, no control....So....If I keep thinkin about this Im gonna blow so....Take the edge off.
Take the edge off....
Whats your pleasure? Come on, we can tell the truth here, just here. We all know the truth. Everyone is addicted to something and its right there on the top of the personal list as a must have. If its unavailable, there is a substitue, and a back up plan. Then youve just got damage control. Dont feel bad, animals get wacked too. If they can. Birds will drink lolly water out of spilled glass bottles. And we humans have made so much...Our alcohol is vastly varied. Synthesis of magnificent drugs. And the old faves. Pot. Opium and her less pure derives.
We all know, that addiction is the thing, the one thing, that needs to be fought. To find the underlying problem that causes the weakness in behaviour in the first place is the key. Then all things could be enjoyed in moderation without the need to binge. A healthy balance could be maintained.
And yet we insist on breaking these addictions up into tiny pieces and treating this part or that part, what we call 'habits' and it makes me worry....
These 'cured' ones. The ones who Dont drink dont smoke....Although they used to. Where did their bad habits go? Did they pop up in their personality traits? Im thinking so.
This is just one of the small lies the humans race tells itself. Slowly the lies begin to pile up to choke us. Why. Why lie to ourselves. Far better to incorporate addiction if we cannot admit that we are unable to decipher the mental problems linked to it.
I admit Im addicted to addiction. My throat almost closed over in excitement, making pressure in my temples. Dry tongue. Pounding heart, pounding all the harder as I realize my throats blocked. Excitement rising in my gut....
When I love, I love absolutely. I am a person of extremes. As you can see.
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