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not liking the pills

January 8th 2013 20:39
Hi Dame....hope it's nice on your end..........
I'm not liking these pills babe thery make me feel like...not me.....I get bitter hard but it feels good.......all at the same time
I'm not pill savy but i do know xanax suck..
Steve ohhhhh did you catch what just happened there the tweets ?...
ohhhhhh everybody stop look at meeee!!!

Steve..it was a split second...bam.....have no idea where that came from.....i wantedf you to worry.....................oh that's not good ...not whi I am
can't even ,phantom no way sitting in the same room with him...not after Tommy....see a whole new level of fear..until tommy it was deranged sick man who lunged and pined me down...now any man with a kind benign face......a man I met...or know work with...have broken bread with............all could touch me pin me hurt me........
oh.............let me stop

you must have thought i wasn't capable of being caddy ....news to me to.....who says I can't be a ball buster?
ya stand aside now...let me walk on through....bad ass Genia coming through.

sorry..............i'm not really like that but i must be huh? came from somewhere inside me.................i AM a bitch.......I am I am !!!!!!!!!..........good for me...because ...you see.....bitch is strong hard.......
if take a whole pill thinking I'll have this...calm strength to record...for you...but what happens ...I can barely walk and I'm some new sort of bitter and ....I got a few things I want to tell you...I point my finger and I go into........oh whatever....it's not working...not yet.


then the pill wears off and I come back out...it's almost like there's another inside me ....geez should i give him/she a name?
so.....I come back....with even more fear that the other me will take over and sit on me to keep me down....so I desperately need to write...just to ....be me........................... ............................. ...to express me to keep me..
I am quite sure all this will balance itself out but until then......I'm hiding I don't want to show you this new me......................
know that half of the time I love you so dear...the other haslf....well....i guess it's still love but ........I think i can make demands ...........I try to convince myself things like .....yrah...if he really cared.......on an on........just bitchy

ok...made appointments with neurologist we'll see.........went for a walk.......no driving of the car........it's like procrastinating you don't notice it's growth...now that I know...it's truly frightening...........so I ordered some groceries from the farmers market where I shop....I made arraignments for me to pick them up tomorrow morning... spend some time out there...oh wish me luck.....then I think.....................
oh never mind......

you take care good night? I love you...........i do........I just don't feel it...I don't feel much of anything after I take half a pill...........

I do love you.......................... even drugged your love i feel........
Nevie


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