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Most members of the Spears family aren't too sharp
Pop stars such as Britney Spears may be forced to alert fans if they intend on miming throughout their shows under new laws.
The new laws to be passed by a speeding car on a busy suburban street will see what looks like a blur but is really light entertainment in the form of a young woman of loose morals and looser footwear and looser hip-joints.
Loose footwear, banned in some Muslim countries, has been blamed for a number of poor performances recorded in studios, but cleaned up with the aid of high-tech and very sneaky computerised vocal enhancements.
Computerised enhancements are the latest in a string of dangerous trends that have the poor and needless reaching into their pockets, when they really should be minding their own business executives at an important engagement.
The new laws, dubbed by Milli Vanilli as "guaranteed to shut you up, bitch", put serious downward pressure on Spears, great with her lips but not so great with her throat, to manage a performance deserving of her public.
The public, eager to congregate in large numbers to hear a large number of numbers, are privately seeking a share of the fame and fortune that just happened to fall at the thongs of the very vocal campaigner for the rights of children: Britney Spears.
Spears, strangely silent at this stage, has had a number of run-ins with "the door-handle" also "tripped and fell down the stairs", and is being backed by human punching air-bag Rihanna in her bid to buy some balls at auction.
The new laws that are on the cards are set to be read out loud by President Obama from a teleprompter, just as soon as Obama, secretly run by battering his wife, can get off his lazy black eyes the spectatcles that have dogged his "black ass".
Spears may be an ass, but she's as black about having to sing for her supper as that character who played Gary Coleman in Oliver Twist who was always asking for more cruel and inhuman punishment, and that can only end with a mild stroke.
Berlusconi, caught with his pants down
Italy's Silvio Berlusconi said on Wednesday a European Court of Human Rights ruling that called for crucifixes to be removed from Italian classrooms was a nonsensical attempt to deny Europe's Christian roots.
It was a sentiment backed up by European Father of the Millennium Josef Fritzl who released a 12-inch single in which he condemned "the breakdown of the family unit" but applauded a prison production of Guys and Dolls.
"Don't break it down," he asked the DJ. DJ Phil Spector.
Berlusconi, the living embodiment of death, had his facial matter melted into his skull when he accidentally tripped and landed face-first into a melting pot, and has been described as a bit of a pumpkin. The dead root. That bit.
"Europe in the third millennium is leaving us only pumpkins while depriving us of our most beloved symbols," said Vatican number two, Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone.
"I'm a regular Nelson Mandela," he said, dropping the kids off at the pool-hall. Before getting a copy of The Hustler out on video. "This has no revealing insights into girls," he complained to Blockbuster.
Berlusconi, a symbol of racism and debauchery, and a beloved symbol in Italy for his misogyny and many conquests, has paid the price, in the past, for his frequent use of prostitutes, but has been defended as only the "end user."
A prisoner in his own version of the British game-show Smashing Pumpkin, Berlusconi fears that the removal of crucifixes in our schools is a sign of things to come, and has issued a warning to McDonalds that they're "next".
"Old McDonalds had a farm," he sang aboard a P&O Battleship, "And on that farm there was a lot of cows. With a lot of methane here. And a lot of methane there. Here a patty. There a patty. Everywhere a pffft, pffft."
Exactly what he means by this is anyone's guess. For $4.95. Hands on your buzzers.
Two Italian laws dating from the 1920s, when the Fascists were in power, state that restaurants must display crucifixes.
"Lock it in," carry-over champ, Jo Fritzl said.
Howard, who can screw his face, has a vision for Australia and is a regular shit
He says he has laid a Reith for his country. Now, Australia's last Prime Minister, John Howard, gives us his tips for the race that stops a nation.
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Pattinson Snapped After Eating Some Dead Horse
Twilight heart-throb Robert Pattinson has been arrested and charged for impersonating an actor while shooting his mouth off on the set of stilts he borrowed from me. And is yet to return.
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Comment by Norm
on How to be fabulous
Consumption Malfunction
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