NEWSFLASH: Prostitution in Washington
March 10th 2007 00:02
A decades-long criminal investigation has at last revealed the shocking news: There is prostitution in Washington, D.C.
According to the report in this week's news magazine Well, Duh!, a massive prostitution ring has been operating in Washington for at least several decades- and is believed to have been in operation for far longer. The prostitution ring, operating under the nom de business "Federal Government of the United States," would offer the services of prostitutes, called "Elected Representatives," to moneyed clients called "Lobbyists."
"The entire business of the 'Federal Government' is for Representatives to whore themselves out to Lobbyists for money," claimed an unnamed source close to the investigation. "The business is so lucrative that there's intense competition to rise to the coveted rank ofwhore Representative. The whores Representatives need tons of cash to campaign for their jobs, which in turn makes them even more dependent on the money from their johns Lobbyists."
The discovery of the prostitution ring has sent shock ripples through the Washington establishment. Many long-time observers of the community have claimed that thewhores Representatives aren't talented enough to be compared to true prostitutes. A spokesbimbo for the prostitution industry has already complained about the media lumping honest prostitutes in with this latest Washington scandal.
"We're really two entirely separate groups," she explained. "The difference between us and politicians is that there are some things that even we will simply not do for money."
According to the report in this week's news magazine Well, Duh!, a massive prostitution ring has been operating in Washington for at least several decades- and is believed to have been in operation for far longer. The prostitution ring, operating under the nom de business "Federal Government of the United States," would offer the services of prostitutes, called "Elected Representatives," to moneyed clients called "Lobbyists."
"The entire business of the 'Federal Government' is for Representatives to whore themselves out to Lobbyists for money," claimed an unnamed source close to the investigation. "The business is so lucrative that there's intense competition to rise to the coveted rank of
The discovery of the prostitution ring has sent shock ripples through the Washington establishment. Many long-time observers of the community have claimed that the
"We're really two entirely separate groups," she explained. "The difference between us and politicians is that there are some things that even we will simply not do for money."
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