Danielle 2My Story- Or Part of it. (LINK)
May 9th 2008 21:10
I’m writing, I’m writing. What am I writing, the useless over dramatic story, that people only begin to live. The type of story that becomes famous when you’ve become a worm’s midnight snack. A true story wouldn’t be read unless it was interesting, mines not. So don’t bother, this is a waste of time, a waste of space, paper and ink. A big waste of energy needed to work. Work I cannot accommplish. I don’t write well. I don’t care. My story isn’t interesting, it never will be. My life is better than otheres. I have a family, a cat, friends, Occasionally money... Sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough. I know my parents love me. Meaning my mother and step father. But my father, he is the cause of all my problems. It’s taken so long to admit it, but he is the true reason I cry myself to sleep at night. Everything that’s bad always boomarangs back to him. The uselss sorry excuse for a father whom broke his daughters heart. Oh well... a heart isn’t that important anyways. I try so hard to keep my secrets within myself but fuck it, on paper is good too. Where do I begin? How do I tell you my life?
Influence is a blessing. People have influenced your life and mine. Whether you love Oprah or Demi, your mom or your second aunt twice removed, Someone has influenced you. The thought of Idolizing someone for thier just being freaks me out. But even I have my idols. What defines an idol anyways? Is it simply somone you just look up to and admire? Is there a meaning beyond that? I don’t know and I don’t care anymore...
A flower power mood ring tells me i’m happy. Am I? Tell me. If this is waht happiness is. I don’t want to feel it. Kurt Cobain didn’t feel the happiness either, but who would with a freak like Courtney Love at your side. I often think of ways to make myself believe i’m happy. It doesn’t work. Anyways back to Idols. Or shall I say influences, Everyone says their moms are an influence. In my case sure shes an influence, but my father he’s an influence too, a bad one. The type of influence you wish your children never to see. An Influence you wish you’d never met. All that comes out of him is anger, emIptiness, and hurtful, shamful love. Sounds great. My sense of humor depresses me even more. I try to be funny to cover myself... cover my true emothions from the inside. Who wants to hear a sad depressing story? I don’t want to hear them, Hell I don’t want to know them. I wish to get them out of my head, but with every happy moment i have i think of him, and how he would screw it up. I wish it was as easy as Dorthy from the wizard of oz. Except I wouldn’t want to go home. I would want to erase my thoughts. Make all of the even the good, transparent. But we don’t live in Kansas or Oz. Too bad, I’m sure it’s nice this time of year. I need silence. there’s too much confusion in my head. Too many rambling sentances intertwining together make what I like to concider my life. A Mess. But like i said before my life isn’t that bad. Not bad at all. Theres a pain in my stomach. Maybe its my consicence, maybe just a regretful reminder on why I shouldn’t be writing everything down. Too late.
Love and Karma,
Danielle
Influence is a blessing. People have influenced your life and mine. Whether you love Oprah or Demi, your mom or your second aunt twice removed, Someone has influenced you. The thought of Idolizing someone for thier just being freaks me out. But even I have my idols. What defines an idol anyways? Is it simply somone you just look up to and admire? Is there a meaning beyond that? I don’t know and I don’t care anymore...
A flower power mood ring tells me i’m happy. Am I? Tell me. If this is waht happiness is. I don’t want to feel it. Kurt Cobain didn’t feel the happiness either, but who would with a freak like Courtney Love at your side. I often think of ways to make myself believe i’m happy. It doesn’t work. Anyways back to Idols. Or shall I say influences, Everyone says their moms are an influence. In my case sure shes an influence, but my father he’s an influence too, a bad one. The type of influence you wish your children never to see. An Influence you wish you’d never met. All that comes out of him is anger, emIptiness, and hurtful, shamful love. Sounds great. My sense of humor depresses me even more. I try to be funny to cover myself... cover my true emothions from the inside. Who wants to hear a sad depressing story? I don’t want to hear them, Hell I don’t want to know them. I wish to get them out of my head, but with every happy moment i have i think of him, and how he would screw it up. I wish it was as easy as Dorthy from the wizard of oz. Except I wouldn’t want to go home. I would want to erase my thoughts. Make all of the even the good, transparent. But we don’t live in Kansas or Oz. Too bad, I’m sure it’s nice this time of year. I need silence. there’s too much confusion in my head. Too many rambling sentances intertwining together make what I like to concider my life. A Mess. But like i said before my life isn’t that bad. Not bad at all. Theres a pain in my stomach. Maybe its my consicence, maybe just a regretful reminder on why I shouldn’t be writing everything down. Too late.
Love and Karma,
Danielle
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