WeR1FamilyMy Story on Prejudicing
March 30th 2008 18:19
I used to post a lot of useful academic information in my own university's community forum. One day i was surprised to find many of forum threads containing my most valuable useful posts were gone. It was not expectable at all, and i thought that probably the admin deleted them.
Although i was in rage of that idea, such an idea was just a guess of how it seems to be, so i tried getting confirmation from the admin by sending him email asking politely and briefly, "How come my forum threads are missing, are they deleted or moved to somewhere else? If so, please give me clear reasoning of doing so." I just wanted justifications of his actions. Even though i was aware that he must have had deleted my postings, i acted as if i know nothing, to avoid possible innocent accusation, just in case.
I then tried searching again for the missing forum threads in many other sections, but still to no avail, so it wasn't a problem about the threads being moved to other sections of the forum, but really it was deleted! And the only person who could delete the forum posts or threads are the author of the post himself (which in this case is me) and the forum administrator. As for me, I didn't remember any at all being so crazy ever deleting 7-10 of my most precious post in one night, so i concluded that there was really no other possibility than the admin deleting them.
I was confused as well as in rage at the same time, not having any slightest idea at all what wrong have my precious forum threads had that he thought of deleting them. What kind of justification is there in his actions?
It was totally unbearable and intolerable for me of him deleting all my forum threads in that section without compromising at all with me first. At least if he think i was against the rule or policy of the forum, he should give me any notifications or warnings first, just like how any other giant forums operate, or just like how any other disciplinary actions were carried out in universities. And if he thought that my postings there were not of standard, what base does he have on saying that but only subjective judgment of his own opinion? All my posts in that particular section i did for the sake of benefiting the community, the content was about how to do this how to do that, how to access this, great tips on this and that, and several sample reports. Does he not know that i had spent many countless hours and effort working on them in the past? Or was the admin not happy of me being so contribute-ful to the community (he grew jealous of it or something else?)? Might be the most likely reason, i thought. I then remembered again how the wise Lao Zi would say that 'Strength is best kept hidden, like fish that swim under water'.
I could still thought of nothing but all the unreasonable-ness of his action deleting my forum threads. To call the person to discuss the matter directly won't do, because i am overseas and the person in Japan, i'd have to wait for another 3-4 days till i get to Japan to discuss the matter with him. Very angry and confused at that time i could hardly want to get to sleep at that night even though it was already late.
So i decided to pour all the poisonous anger feelings into words that i composed as email to the president of our community. I told him how angry i was at all the unreasonable justifications that he might come up with. I told the president as the forum was created for the members to post, i had the same right just as anybody else to post in there. If he think my forum threads or posts are wrong or bad, on what reason? The admin even does not even have a set of rules and regulations or policies posted up there in the forum, and so does he have any stand on taking his actions? and many many other things i brought up to the president.
I also did not forget to mention to the president of the community that the email i was composing was more intended to express out my anger so that it doesn't get stuck in my heart while at the same time bringing the case to him hoping it would be dealt fairly.
I felt much more better after writing all those feelings out. I could then at least able to wait 1-2 days for confirmation of the admin along with his justifications. I played on internet for some time until i got asleep. But the next morning i woke up, i found myself still remembering all those loss of my most precious forum threads. I became angry again, and was still angry when i went outdoor, and got even angrier when i got nothing to do but just to keep thinking about all those stuffs outdoor while waiting for a friend who i promised a spiritual appointment. I got so angry that i was even thinking barbarically of delivering massive punches and breaking some of his bones when i got there, somekind of very violent imagination which i almost have never had since many years ago. I was angry not for my losses, but on the thought of the very injustice in front of my mind, because i really hate it to see injustice. Fortunately, i was distracted with the good appointment and forgot all those troubles and anger for hours.
As i got calmed down and connected spiritually, i began losing my anger. By the evening, i had lost those feelings of anger. I tried evoking myself the same emotion again by thinking about those same things, but could not anymore. What a wonder i thought. I was grateful at the same time was shown the deeper mystery of the universe, our own feelings, how could i not be angry anymore when i was super angry just the hours ago in the afternoon, what actually happened? In any way, that was good because i could even forgive him for what he had done.
Although in my heart, i already got in peace with myself by forgiving him without him asking for forgiveness, i was still curious of what justification he might come up with. So as soon as i got home, i went check my mail. Expectedly, my reply from him had arrived, unexpectedly, he said that he didn't delete the forum threads and asked me which forum threads were missing. Judging from the words and sentences, i couldn't say that he is lying, besides he is hardly that type as far as i knew.
Just not long later, the president called me on an online chat. He told me too that he asked the admin and the admin said that he didn't delete my forum threads. I still couldn't get it how could it be that what i thought was not the case. If he didn't delete them, how come my forum threads were missing? I requested the president to investigate directly the problem, since he also have the forum administration password.
I was very relieved of what i did. By looking for confirmation first that he really did delete the forum threads and not directly launching my angers through phone or email to him, i did save a lot. Although i did suffer much for myself inflicting myself with anger and hate of ignorance, at least i did not inflict damage on my relationship with the admin, which was also my university colleague and a friend who had done me some favors, particularly bout forum works. For that i was very grateful and relieved. I would imagine some other people in my shoes, got angry to find the conclusion that his forum threads containing his hard-worked posts was deleted, the person would go straight yelling and sending rude provocative messages to the admin, and wow, what a big pity he had done. Not only the person launched 'attacks' to an innocent admin, the person also acted unfairly by accusing the admin who had done his job fairly well so far. It would make the admin feel not being appreciated, instead he got accusation! What an injustice! Things would really go really worse and awry for both. Many such tragedy have happened in many human relationships all over the world since ancient times until now, but thank goodness that was not my case, because i am an advocate of justice and i never seek to harm anyone without getting any confirmation of his wrongdoings first.
Quite some time had passed, and the president called me back on the chat. He had found the root problem! It was auto-pruning, a feature on a forum that allows forum threads without new posts in it within a week, to be deleted from the system. The admin seemed to have forgotten turning the pruning feature off when he did the favor of creating my particular requested section. Both me and the president were surprised to find the pruning feature, we have not been aware of its existence before this.
So there was it! Instead of feeling worse or anger, i overjoyed for having my confusion solved! Now i had understood fully what had happened instead of still being confused, i thought. Person being careless or doing even terrible mistake but out of his intentions are fine n totally acceptable for me as long as the person learn from it, but not of somebody who does terrible mistake consciously with his own intent would be rather more difficult for me to accept and forgive. I overjoyed because the terrible incident happened to be out of his intentions, therefore i could regard it as mere natural accident.
In anyway, i am still trying to cope up with the second one (one who does mistakes intentionally), the harder and more challenging one, for nobody in their right mind does a thing that is not right to their principles, just that those principles or way of looking life may be different from ours. So even when our principles clash with others, we should still respect them, for both sides' principles are nevertheless just another way of looking things, just at different angles. If just we can get to his spectacles of doing things, then we can understand and accept why the person did this or that. This is a key to ease forgiveness.
From this happening, i gained a very rare valuable lesson, that is, even in what seems very unlikely, there is still possibility that it is, so don't take prejudice just based on the very unlikeliness of something, because some things might still be beyond our reach of our current knowledge or imagination.
In my case, i was being too sure and very sure even to 99% that the admin was the culprit who deleted my forum threads since i thought there is no other possible possibility to that, that i took wrong prejudice on him.
If being asked now, i don't mind trading off my precious posts on the forums with this rare valuable lesson i gained from the losses of my posts. Not only it taught me something valuable, i do hope it does teach you the same thing as well, so that you reader does not have to go through like what i have gone through just to obtain this valuable lesson. See it as a gift from me for reading my blog post this far. I'm as happy being able to contribute more to everyone this way. Besides, i can still start over all my missing posts. So let's take good use the sufferings i had gone through.
The Community Forum I Am In (http://forum.apuina.org)
Although i was in rage of that idea, such an idea was just a guess of how it seems to be, so i tried getting confirmation from the admin by sending him email asking politely and briefly, "How come my forum threads are missing, are they deleted or moved to somewhere else? If so, please give me clear reasoning of doing so." I just wanted justifications of his actions. Even though i was aware that he must have had deleted my postings, i acted as if i know nothing, to avoid possible innocent accusation, just in case.
I then tried searching again for the missing forum threads in many other sections, but still to no avail, so it wasn't a problem about the threads being moved to other sections of the forum, but really it was deleted! And the only person who could delete the forum posts or threads are the author of the post himself (which in this case is me) and the forum administrator. As for me, I didn't remember any at all being so crazy ever deleting 7-10 of my most precious post in one night, so i concluded that there was really no other possibility than the admin deleting them.
I was confused as well as in rage at the same time, not having any slightest idea at all what wrong have my precious forum threads had that he thought of deleting them. What kind of justification is there in his actions?
It was totally unbearable and intolerable for me of him deleting all my forum threads in that section without compromising at all with me first. At least if he think i was against the rule or policy of the forum, he should give me any notifications or warnings first, just like how any other giant forums operate, or just like how any other disciplinary actions were carried out in universities. And if he thought that my postings there were not of standard, what base does he have on saying that but only subjective judgment of his own opinion? All my posts in that particular section i did for the sake of benefiting the community, the content was about how to do this how to do that, how to access this, great tips on this and that, and several sample reports. Does he not know that i had spent many countless hours and effort working on them in the past? Or was the admin not happy of me being so contribute-ful to the community (he grew jealous of it or something else?)? Might be the most likely reason, i thought. I then remembered again how the wise Lao Zi would say that 'Strength is best kept hidden, like fish that swim under water'.
Like fish swimming deep underwater, exist, but invisible, out of way of harm
I could still thought of nothing but all the unreasonable-ness of his action deleting my forum threads. To call the person to discuss the matter directly won't do, because i am overseas and the person in Japan, i'd have to wait for another 3-4 days till i get to Japan to discuss the matter with him. Very angry and confused at that time i could hardly want to get to sleep at that night even though it was already late.
So i decided to pour all the poisonous anger feelings into words that i composed as email to the president of our community. I told him how angry i was at all the unreasonable justifications that he might come up with. I told the president as the forum was created for the members to post, i had the same right just as anybody else to post in there. If he think my forum threads or posts are wrong or bad, on what reason? The admin even does not even have a set of rules and regulations or policies posted up there in the forum, and so does he have any stand on taking his actions? and many many other things i brought up to the president.
I also did not forget to mention to the president of the community that the email i was composing was more intended to express out my anger so that it doesn't get stuck in my heart while at the same time bringing the case to him hoping it would be dealt fairly.
I felt much more better after writing all those feelings out. I could then at least able to wait 1-2 days for confirmation of the admin along with his justifications. I played on internet for some time until i got asleep. But the next morning i woke up, i found myself still remembering all those loss of my most precious forum threads. I became angry again, and was still angry when i went outdoor, and got even angrier when i got nothing to do but just to keep thinking about all those stuffs outdoor while waiting for a friend who i promised a spiritual appointment. I got so angry that i was even thinking barbarically of delivering massive punches and breaking some of his bones when i got there, somekind of very violent imagination which i almost have never had since many years ago. I was angry not for my losses, but on the thought of the very injustice in front of my mind, because i really hate it to see injustice. Fortunately, i was distracted with the good appointment and forgot all those troubles and anger for hours.
Being Outdoor
As i got calmed down and connected spiritually, i began losing my anger. By the evening, i had lost those feelings of anger. I tried evoking myself the same emotion again by thinking about those same things, but could not anymore. What a wonder i thought. I was grateful at the same time was shown the deeper mystery of the universe, our own feelings, how could i not be angry anymore when i was super angry just the hours ago in the afternoon, what actually happened? In any way, that was good because i could even forgive him for what he had done.
Although in my heart, i already got in peace with myself by forgiving him without him asking for forgiveness, i was still curious of what justification he might come up with. So as soon as i got home, i went check my mail. Expectedly, my reply from him had arrived, unexpectedly, he said that he didn't delete the forum threads and asked me which forum threads were missing. Judging from the words and sentences, i couldn't say that he is lying, besides he is hardly that type as far as i knew.
Just not long later, the president called me on an online chat. He told me too that he asked the admin and the admin said that he didn't delete my forum threads. I still couldn't get it how could it be that what i thought was not the case. If he didn't delete them, how come my forum threads were missing? I requested the president to investigate directly the problem, since he also have the forum administration password.
Working My Way Through Chatting with My Elegant Macbook Keyboard
I was very relieved of what i did. By looking for confirmation first that he really did delete the forum threads and not directly launching my angers through phone or email to him, i did save a lot. Although i did suffer much for myself inflicting myself with anger and hate of ignorance, at least i did not inflict damage on my relationship with the admin, which was also my university colleague and a friend who had done me some favors, particularly bout forum works. For that i was very grateful and relieved. I would imagine some other people in my shoes, got angry to find the conclusion that his forum threads containing his hard-worked posts was deleted, the person would go straight yelling and sending rude provocative messages to the admin, and wow, what a big pity he had done. Not only the person launched 'attacks' to an innocent admin, the person also acted unfairly by accusing the admin who had done his job fairly well so far. It would make the admin feel not being appreciated, instead he got accusation! What an injustice! Things would really go really worse and awry for both. Many such tragedy have happened in many human relationships all over the world since ancient times until now, but thank goodness that was not my case, because i am an advocate of justice and i never seek to harm anyone without getting any confirmation of his wrongdoings first.
Quite some time had passed, and the president called me back on the chat. He had found the root problem! It was auto-pruning, a feature on a forum that allows forum threads without new posts in it within a week, to be deleted from the system. The admin seemed to have forgotten turning the pruning feature off when he did the favor of creating my particular requested section. Both me and the president were surprised to find the pruning feature, we have not been aware of its existence before this.
Click to Enlarge to See What I Mean with Pruning
So there was it! Instead of feeling worse or anger, i overjoyed for having my confusion solved! Now i had understood fully what had happened instead of still being confused, i thought. Person being careless or doing even terrible mistake but out of his intentions are fine n totally acceptable for me as long as the person learn from it, but not of somebody who does terrible mistake consciously with his own intent would be rather more difficult for me to accept and forgive. I overjoyed because the terrible incident happened to be out of his intentions, therefore i could regard it as mere natural accident.
In anyway, i am still trying to cope up with the second one (one who does mistakes intentionally), the harder and more challenging one, for nobody in their right mind does a thing that is not right to their principles, just that those principles or way of looking life may be different from ours. So even when our principles clash with others, we should still respect them, for both sides' principles are nevertheless just another way of looking things, just at different angles. If just we can get to his spectacles of doing things, then we can understand and accept why the person did this or that. This is a key to ease forgiveness.
From this happening, i gained a very rare valuable lesson, that is, even in what seems very unlikely, there is still possibility that it is, so don't take prejudice just based on the very unlikeliness of something, because some things might still be beyond our reach of our current knowledge or imagination.
In my case, i was being too sure and very sure even to 99% that the admin was the culprit who deleted my forum threads since i thought there is no other possible possibility to that, that i took wrong prejudice on him.
I Am Willing to Trade It Off
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