my reality tv
October 10th 2006 01:35
In recent times I have noticed that there has been an incremental increase in crap reality television and for the life of me I cannot figure out why. Where are the network executives who are supposed to be on the lookout for quality programming? Most probably sleeping in front of a tv somewhere that's showing garbage.
I just wish that they'd go back to making local stuff like crappy Aussie sitcoms (along the lines of Hey Dad! excepting this time they'd actually make it funny or the one with Jon English who played an aging hippie) or sturdy family dramas like Rafferty's Rules or Blue Heelers (this time without John Wood) without stealing unworthy US ideas and transplanting them here. We've really lost our imagination haven't we?
I want to know who exactly these celebrities are to begin with. Why, if there's going to be celebrity reality tv can't they find someone worty of our attention? There's nothing worse than seeing someone on tv acclaimed as a celebrity and you have no idea how they got to that staus in the first place.
I'm beginning to believe that there are people out there who deliberately promote some poor useless shmuck as a celebrity just so they can be fodder for the next season of some reality tv show or find someone who had their celebrity use by date expire twenty five years ago, dust them off and get them to believe that their career may get a lift from being on their show. Poor us. Some of them are better off wherer they were. I feel great satisfaction when a celebrity comes and goes as quickly as they came and end right back where they started...packing groceries in their local supermarket.
Reality television has been around since television began, but it's devolvement into something grotesque has set back tv more than thirty years or more. Will we ever recover from this onslaught of bad tv? Probably not but since we have reached this stage I have afew ideas that would put the zing back into celebrity reality.
I want to start with "Celebrity Dancing with the Stars". I'd like to see those celebrities not dancing stand on the edge and fling whatever they can find to disrupt their dancing rival at the time...water, oil, grease, paint, maybe some broken glass, perhaps firing some paintballs, an occasional tazer, or a flamethrower, just to add excitement. Think of the spin offs and we all know how tv execs just love those spin offs! . Celebrity boxing or better yet, celebrity wrestling to settle those unresolved issues on the dance floor and then celebrity court, where they can battle it out legally over injuries sustained in either the dancing or the wrestling. It'd make for compelling tv, wouldn't it?
In celebrity survivor, I'd drop them on an island in the middle of nowhere with little water, less food, in the middle of cyclone/hurricane/typhoon season and check on them every few weeks just to see who's left. To make things more exciting I'd have groups and people that are at war already and don't care for each others company. In the first season the Sunrise crew would oppose the Today team, John Burgess, and Glenn Ridge would oppose Tony Barber, and Naomi Robson would tackle Tracey Grimshaw with the loser spending time with little Wa Wa's family.
Speaking of cannibals, maybe just for fun we could slip in one of those with perhaps a wild animal or two to jack up ratings. Hmm maybe there is a place in prime time television for John Wood after all, and we could turn that into a three hour special.
Now I've never seen Big Brother, but I'd want to think if you want to see people locked in a house, you want non stop excitement. I was thinking of booby traps in certain places like the toilets. Once they sit they can't get up unless they want a fire hose giving them an unexpected and proper rinsing out. There's also room to set up a little speaker in say the living room and play at high volume early in the morning (pre 2am) the sounds of a woman screaming hysterically "Don't kill me! Don't kill me!" whilst her children are wailing at the top of their voices. Another invention of mine is to play mind games with one of the weaker contestsants when they're alone by having plants whistling or having appliances talk to each other. Let the others think this contestant has lost a screw. That'd teach them to aspire to celeb-dom.
Have you noticed on family feud that that they have some answers so obscure that no one would ever think of them? I have an idea that would cure that. Now as an incentive for contestants to get the right answers we have Bert take off one or two pieces of clothing at each wrong answer and leaves them off. "Okay, we have two wrong answers, and Berts down to his underwear..you bloody well better get this right!". When answers are wrong and Berts completely naked he'll give a quick lap dance on whoever answered incorrectly. Maybe not so great for viewing audiences but guaranteed to get contestants brains working overtime...except if she's a little old lady who's into that kind of thing.
I just wish that they'd go back to making local stuff like crappy Aussie sitcoms (along the lines of Hey Dad! excepting this time they'd actually make it funny or the one with Jon English who played an aging hippie) or sturdy family dramas like Rafferty's Rules or Blue Heelers (this time without John Wood) without stealing unworthy US ideas and transplanting them here. We've really lost our imagination haven't we?
I'm beginning to believe that there are people out there who deliberately promote some poor useless shmuck as a celebrity just so they can be fodder for the next season of some reality tv show or find someone who had their celebrity use by date expire twenty five years ago, dust them off and get them to believe that their career may get a lift from being on their show. Poor us. Some of them are better off wherer they were. I feel great satisfaction when a celebrity comes and goes as quickly as they came and end right back where they started...packing groceries in their local supermarket.
Reality television has been around since television began, but it's devolvement into something grotesque has set back tv more than thirty years or more. Will we ever recover from this onslaught of bad tv? Probably not but since we have reached this stage I have afew ideas that would put the zing back into celebrity reality.
In celebrity survivor, I'd drop them on an island in the middle of nowhere with little water, less food, in the middle of cyclone/hurricane/typhoon season and check on them every few weeks just to see who's left. To make things more exciting I'd have groups and people that are at war already and don't care for each others company. In the first season the Sunrise crew would oppose the Today team, John Burgess, and Glenn Ridge would oppose Tony Barber, and Naomi Robson would tackle Tracey Grimshaw with the loser spending time with little Wa Wa's family.
Speaking of cannibals, maybe just for fun we could slip in one of those with perhaps a wild animal or two to jack up ratings. Hmm maybe there is a place in prime time television for John Wood after all, and we could turn that into a three hour special.
Now I've never seen Big Brother, but I'd want to think if you want to see people locked in a house, you want non stop excitement. I was thinking of booby traps in certain places like the toilets. Once they sit they can't get up unless they want a fire hose giving them an unexpected and proper rinsing out. There's also room to set up a little speaker in say the living room and play at high volume early in the morning (pre 2am) the sounds of a woman screaming hysterically "Don't kill me! Don't kill me!" whilst her children are wailing at the top of their voices. Another invention of mine is to play mind games with one of the weaker contestsants when they're alone by having plants whistling or having appliances talk to each other. Let the others think this contestant has lost a screw. That'd teach them to aspire to celeb-dom.
Have you noticed on family feud that that they have some answers so obscure that no one would ever think of them? I have an idea that would cure that. Now as an incentive for contestants to get the right answers we have Bert take off one or two pieces of clothing at each wrong answer and leaves them off. "Okay, we have two wrong answers, and Berts down to his underwear..you bloody well better get this right!". When answers are wrong and Berts completely naked he'll give a quick lap dance on whoever answered incorrectly. Maybe not so great for viewing audiences but guaranteed to get contestants brains working overtime...except if she's a little old lady who's into that kind of thing.
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