"My mom died last night!!!"
August 2nd 2007 20:56
Last night, august 1st, we where sitting, me and the five teenage girls. Yep, i said five teenage girls. lol around the timeshares huge dinning room table, listening to Hinder play in the stereo. It's a CD Chris bought Kaitlyn for her 18th birthday. Playing rummy when the call came just after 11:00 pm. i wasn't ready, i was caught off gaurd because she had lived two weeks since they said she'd die in a few days. She had already lived since November when they said she'd die in a few days. I just knew it was comming, but then days went, then weeks went, then the phone rang. I lost it, sobbing realy loudly.
She first made a sqeeling noise. Maybe she was drownding in her lungs. How scared she must have been knowing she was trying to breath but couldn't. <tears> so they morphoned her up and she passed in her pretty much un consious state.
I still can't believe i can never hug her again. atleast not till i die, but then i was wrong. I would hug her again, but i want more.
I emediatly asked Kaity if she could draw me some owls and dreamcatchers, my moms favorite things. And my fav, and grandmas fav. She drew, while i broke out my new journal. Last time i went to see my mom i put lipstick all over her hand and pressed it into a notebook. I'm greatful i have her handprint. I feel it, and i feel her. Lipstick was a good choice because unlike paint that dries, it doesn't dry and i can REALY feel it. i cut it out and started making her and i a jopurnal. I cried the whole process. I wrote to her and begged her to please come in my dreams and tell me she is ok. I cut out the amazing owl and dream catcher Kaity just sat down and drew. I will share when i gte back home on sunday or monday.
we're in the most amazing timeshare. It's like a condo with high ceilings, 2 bedroom, two bath. Two decks, one screened and one not. sitting right on a lake with geese to feed. It's breathtaking. I'll share pics when i get home. we spent two days at the beach playing in the ocean, and the rest at the pools, swimming and tanning.
Before bed, i think my mom was around. we heard things fall, or bang in rooms we wherent in. when i did finally sleep, i dreamed of my moms funeral. Something she is not having. She came to me and hugged me telling me she was alright. She had all her hair again, and i kept thinking that in the dream. The dreams of the entire night where full of nightmares too. mostly with my step dad. He's giving each child a pinch opf ashes. we all want a tiny bit more, because i need a little for a vial of somesort to hang in my room. Then some for a memorial in my yard. I'll plant a flower tree, make her a plaque and also put up my first "Loved 1 lost 2 Diabetes" cross. She did walk in my dream. I'm begginmg her to come again without the nightmares. Just to get a dream catcher or the ring of hers my stepdad promised, i had to gte injected with some weird stuff in my hand, that made me all loopy so i couldn't run, i was raped, beat and stuck on some kind of stick high above lots of people i didn't know. when i tried to escape i went through attacks, there where rows and rows of things. Once you thought your where finally free there was a whole mess of other people doing stuff. I had to drive through people shooting tear gas. It was a mess. I woke up when the phone rang, so i never made it past the tear gas.
Computer time is by appointment here, so i'd better go. I spend all my time with the kids anyhow so thats fine with me. I'll computer when i get home. <soft smile> but wanted to tell of the news of my mom.
Tammy
I still can't believe i can never hug her again. atleast not till i die, but then i was wrong. I would hug her again, but i want more.
I emediatly asked Kaity if she could draw me some owls and dreamcatchers, my moms favorite things. And my fav, and grandmas fav. She drew, while i broke out my new journal. Last time i went to see my mom i put lipstick all over her hand and pressed it into a notebook. I'm greatful i have her handprint. I feel it, and i feel her. Lipstick was a good choice because unlike paint that dries, it doesn't dry and i can REALY feel it. i cut it out and started making her and i a jopurnal. I cried the whole process. I wrote to her and begged her to please come in my dreams and tell me she is ok. I cut out the amazing owl and dream catcher Kaity just sat down and drew. I will share when i gte back home on sunday or monday.
we're in the most amazing timeshare. It's like a condo with high ceilings, 2 bedroom, two bath. Two decks, one screened and one not. sitting right on a lake with geese to feed. It's breathtaking. I'll share pics when i get home. we spent two days at the beach playing in the ocean, and the rest at the pools, swimming and tanning.
Computer time is by appointment here, so i'd better go. I spend all my time with the kids anyhow so thats fine with me. I'll computer when i get home. <soft smile> but wanted to tell of the news of my mom.
Tammy
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Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
love and warm hugs
ash x
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
What a lovely tribute Ash has left.
Sob as much as you like, it is a very sad and shocking time, I spent months recovering going into years when my mum died. I miss her still. They become more and more special in death.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
You have had your visitation, there's unlikely to be another one, I was never a victim to the bizarre and horrible dreams you are experiencing and I hope that you will be free of them from now on.
Death happens to us all. It is devastating and so final. I guess that is what is so hard to cope with. There can be no reversals.
Love to you and yours, the young ones suffer too, we can miss that in our own grief, reach out to them.
katyzzz
Comment by Grace
I can pray for you and your mom if you want; if you believe in it.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
It is never easy, and cry you must… then you must take Grace’s advice and be glad, because we must all walk that road ...especially when it becomes too painful to go on… it was time.
I will light a candle for you mum, to light the way.
Peace to you all.
Lilla …
Comment by Nickoftime's Sanity Corner
my thoughts and prayers are with you...It is a very sad time, and tears are a necessary part of the healing process...
May your Mom rest in peace and be with the angels...
Hugs,
Nick
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
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L.A.M.P.
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I'm so sorry. All I can say is cry when you need to and for however long you need to. Grief isn't something that be dealt with in one way only. Don't forget to look after yourself, be kind and compassionate and turn to people if you need someone.
Sending you hugs,
Tracy
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I suppose it is something that you can never really prepare for...
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Chic Critique
Cheers
CC
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. No matter how much you try to prepare, or tell yourself you know it's going to happen. You're never prepared.
Take care of yourself and your family during this time.
Thinking of you all
Kylie
Comment by James Rickard
unlucky_ fishermen.com
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Check this out...
Comment by Miss Nomer
When my grandmother died I took great comfort in this poem....
Henry Scott Holland 1847-1918
Canon of St Paul's Cathedral
Death is nothing at all
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you,
W whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow,
laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Pray smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
without the trace of a shadow in it.
Life means all that it ever meant,
it is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity,
why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you
somewhere very near
just around the corner.
All is well
My thoughts are with you and your family x
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
We said goodbye to someone ourselves this week - but Tracy sums it up for mine with her comments. Remember your mom will always be there to watch over you. While ever she is in your heart she will never be far away. I'm so sorry.
MNG
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
I have lost my father, and recently, lost a very dear and much loved friend, who was like another mother to me, she was 84.
It hurts, it hurts really badly, but that is just the love we felt for them coming out and it shows the departed how we feel, in case we never managed to express it when they were with us.
You also have many family around you, which is wonderful, they will help too. My friend also demanded no funeral, so we had a wake in her honour, which was good.
Maybe you should decide some way of celebrating her life?
Your mum will hang around as long as you want her to I expect.
fond thoughts to you...and here is a little gift that hopefully you will like and find some solace in, and maybe, your next dream will be flying amongst the clouds, feeling your mum's love, in peace and safety.
With wish and wingbeat,
may your spirit,
serenely flit and fly,
through high clouds spun,
from mother's love,
and hear her call,
when coo of dove,
thrums heart strings,
of her undying love.
I just composed this poem, for you personally, to keep and cherish.
may you find peace as she has done.
fog
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
fog, i've never thought of it like that..thank you
thinking of you and your bloodloves Tammy.. and pleased your mum is in the peaceful lands now..
bless,
~Lily
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Comment by Marti
Christian Revolution
What an amazing thought to have the handprint of your mother. And what a beautiful post. I will keep you and your family in my prayers during this time.
Blessings
Comment by Miswanderlust
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Mis
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Comment by charliesgirl_992000
Histeries, Mysteries and what not
Lifes little slices
Mystical Creativity
Thank you all very much!!!
i'm doing better then i thought i would. I grieve, cry and then look at the possative out of everything. I've been that way my whole life.Probably becuase starting at an early age i suffered HUGE losses. Made me a strong person and i am happy for that.
Death is something that will happen to all of us and if we can celebrate the life that person had, instead of always focusing on the loss, it's an amazing thing. I miss her but i actualy feel closer to her now because she is no longer 11 hours away.
Thank you all!!!!! luv Tammy
Comment by weedsgrow
I wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss. I learned that my mother died on July 1st, exactly one month before you did. My mom was not ill and never in the hospital. I got the call at about 10:30 PM. I was watching a DVD with a friend and the call came, it was someone from the Texas coroners office. They asked my name and if I knew my mother as though I was a stranger. I said "I am her daughter" and they asked if I was alone. I said "No" and they asked me to sit down because they had some terrible news. The rest was a blur but I assumed that my mother had died that day but she had actually been dead for nearly three weeks, and a neighbor "smelled her." I was in shock. I had just spoken with her on June 5th and she was fine. It was not unusual for us to go several weeks w/o calling because I traveled a lot on business and she always kept her phone ringer off b/c she hated telemarketers.
The autopsy report said she died of hypertensive heart disease. It looks like it was in her sleep. They did not let me see her body. It was extremely decomposed. I even had to take a DNA test to prove she was my mother. The results just came back on Friday. Yes my mom died around June 12th, and she is still in the morgue.
My birthday was last week. My mom's was july 27th. She would have been 69 years old.
My name is Tammy too by the way.
Comment by charliesgirl_992000
Histeries, Mysteries and what not
Lifes little slices
Mystical Creativity
I'm sorry taht it was such an un-expected thing. I'm sooo thankful i got to go see my mom before she passed. I'm sooo very sorry. I hope your doing ok. It's such a hard thing.
luv Tammy