IT WAS HARD TO OPEN MY HEART
April 30th 2009 20:10
WHEN I WAS YOUNG I DON'T KNOW HOW OLD I WAS BUT I WAS PRETTY YOUNG.
I COULD NOT TALK RIGHT OR HEAR RIGHT. SO ALL OF A SUDDEN ONE DAY MY
GRANDPA DECIDED THAT HE WANTED TO START TOUCHING ME IN WRONG PLACES.
CUZ HE KNEW I COULDN'T TALK OR HEAR RIGHT BUT I KNEW IT WAS WRONG BUT A FEW
MONTHS WENT BY AND MY MOM TOKE ME TO THE DOCTER SO THEY CAN PUT TUBES IN MY EARS
AND I COULD HEAR AND TALK RIGHT BUT HE WAS STILL DOING THAT TO ME.
AND IT WOULD WHEN NOBODY'S HOME OR AT NIGHT BUT I WAS SCARED TO TELL MY
MOM AND MY GRANDMA CUZ HE SAID IF YOU TELL THEM YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM
AGAIN AND WAT WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO KILL MY SELF I HAD THOUGHTS LIKE THAT
BUT IT WASN'T WORTH IT. A FEW YEARS GO BY AND HE STILL WAS DOING THAT TO ME .
WHEN I FINALLY GREW STRENTH AND I WAS TIRED OF MY HEART HURTING CUZ I WAS
GETTING HURT BY MY OWN GRANDPA. I WAS OUTSIDE CRYING WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
MY COUSINS SAYING "WHATS WRONG WHY YOU CRYING" AND I TOLD HIM
"GRANDPA IS HURTING ME HE'S TOUCHING ME IN BAD PLACES HE'S MOLESTING ME"
AND HE STARTED CRYING HE'S LIKE WHAT NO WAY AND HE SAID
" DO YOU WANT ME TO GO TELL YOUR MOM " I TOLD HIM " I DON'T CARE ANY MORE"
SO I WENT INSIDE AND THERE ALL ARGUING AND MY GRANDMA SAYING THAT I'M LIEING THAT HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT AND MY IS TELLING ME WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ANY THING AND I TOLD HER WHAT HE SAID IF I WOULD HAVE TOLD YA'LL I WOULD HAVE NEVER SEE YA'LL AGAIN BUT THAT DAY HE WAS ALL CRACKED OUT. HE WAS SAYING THAT SHE LIEING THAT HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO ME. MY MOM'S ALL CRYING TELLING ME "I BELIEVE YOU" AND STARTS YELLING AND MY GRANDMA WHICH IS HER MOM AND MY GRANPA IS HER STEP DAD. SHE'S YELLING AT THEM AND THEY SAYING SHE'S LIEING. NOW I REMEMBER HOW OLD I WAS WHEN IT STARTED EITHER 7 OR 8 YEARS OF AGE AND IT ENDED AT 12 YEARS OF WHEN I DECIDED TO HAVE STRENTH AND TELL. BUT ALL THE ARGUMENT MY MOM GRABED ALL OF OUR STUFF AND WE LEFT CUZ WE WHERE STAYING IN CLOVIS NEW MEXICO AND WE LEFT TO OLIVIA MINNESOTA. YEARS GO BY AND I'M GETTING OLDER I STARTED DATING GUYS BUT I WAS SCARED TO OPEN MY HEART TO THEM AND THEM HURT ME OR RAPE ME. I WAS SCARED MOST OF THE TIME I ALWAYS HAD MY LIL SISTER OR BROTHER ALONG AND THIS IS WHEN I WAS 18 YEARS AGE BUT I'VE DATED 4 GUYS BUT THEY ALL CHEATED ON ME OR A WIFE. OR A PREGNANT GIRL AT HOME. SO I GAVE UP THAT IS UNTILL I STARTED TALKING TO MY OLD FRIEND JOSHUA MARQUEZ OVER THE PHONE CUZ HE WAS IN CLOVIS NEW MEXICO AND I WAS IN WOODLAKE MINNESOTA. BUT WE STARTED TALKING AND THEN WE STARTED DATING LIKE RIGHT AWAY AND THE DATE WAS DECEMBER 2007 AND WE KEPT TALKING OVER THE PHONE AND HE WOULD TELL ME WHEN YOU COMING DOWN AND I WOULD TELL HIM I DON'T KNOW. BUT THEN MY MOM GOES WILL GO IN FEBRUARY AND THAT WAS SO WE LEFT IN FEB CAME TO CLOVIS NEW MEXICO. AND WE WHERE SATYING WIT MY COUSIN IN SOME APARTMENTS CALLED THE GRANDS BUT I CALLED HIM AND I ASK HIM IF HE WANTED TO SEE ME AND HE "YES" I'M LIKE COME TO THE GRANDS AND HE SAID OK. I FELT TINGALIES ALL OVER MY BODY AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE CALLS ME AND SAYS "I'M OUTSIDE" I TOLD HIM OK SO I WALKED OUT SIDE LOOKIN ALL PRETTY. WALKING DOWN THE SIDEWALK AND I SEE HIM AND HE'S LIKE SURPRISED. I WALKED RIGHT UP AND I KISSED HIM. IT FELT SO GOOD BUT AFTER THAT WE BROKE UP LIKE 3 TIMES BUT ENDED UP TOGETHER BUT STAYED TOGETHER FOR A YEAR AND 4 MONTHS AND GOING TO BE YEAR AND 5 MONTHS ON THE FIRST. I'M SO HAPPY PLUS HAVE MOVED IN TOGETHER IN THAT YEAR AND NOW WE'RE GETING MARRIED IN JUNE 23 OF 2009 BUT HE'S MY FIRST AND LAST MAN THAT I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART HE UNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH AND HE LOVES ME HE ALWAYS MAKES ME SMILE AND I NEVER CAN BE MAD AT HIM CUZ HE MAKES ME SMILE AND TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM AND HE NEVER CAN BE MAD CUZ I MAKE HIM SMILE HE'S THE ONE FOR AND I'M THE ONE FOR HIM.
TILL THIS DAY MY GRANDMA IS STILL WITH THAT BASTORED I DON'T TRUST HIM AT ALL I HAVE DREAMS ABOUT HIM THAT HE MOLESTING MY SISTERS I CRY CUZ I DON'T WANT THAT AND RIGHT MOM AND HER KIDS LIVE RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO MY GRANDMA AND THE BASTORED.
BUT I DON'T I'M JUST SCARED FOR THEM.
I COULD NOT TALK RIGHT OR HEAR RIGHT. SO ALL OF A SUDDEN ONE DAY MY
GRANDPA DECIDED THAT HE WANTED TO START TOUCHING ME IN WRONG PLACES.
CUZ HE KNEW I COULDN'T TALK OR HEAR RIGHT BUT I KNEW IT WAS WRONG BUT A FEW
MONTHS WENT BY AND MY MOM TOKE ME TO THE DOCTER SO THEY CAN PUT TUBES IN MY EARS
AND I COULD HEAR AND TALK RIGHT BUT HE WAS STILL DOING THAT TO ME.
AND IT WOULD WHEN NOBODY'S HOME OR AT NIGHT BUT I WAS SCARED TO TELL MY
MOM AND MY GRANDMA CUZ HE SAID IF YOU TELL THEM YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM
BUT IT WASN'T WORTH IT. A FEW YEARS GO BY AND HE STILL WAS DOING THAT TO ME .
WHEN I FINALLY GREW STRENTH AND I WAS TIRED OF MY HEART HURTING CUZ I WAS
GETTING HURT BY MY OWN GRANDPA. I WAS OUTSIDE CRYING WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
MY COUSINS SAYING "WHATS WRONG WHY YOU CRYING" AND I TOLD HIM
"GRANDPA IS HURTING ME HE'S TOUCHING ME IN BAD PLACES HE'S MOLESTING ME"
AND HE STARTED CRYING HE'S LIKE WHAT NO WAY AND HE SAID
" DO YOU WANT ME TO GO TELL YOUR MOM " I TOLD HIM " I DON'T CARE ANY MORE"
SO I WENT INSIDE AND THERE ALL ARGUING AND MY GRANDMA SAYING THAT I'M LIEING THAT HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT AND MY IS TELLING ME WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ANY THING AND I TOLD HER WHAT HE SAID IF I WOULD HAVE TOLD YA'LL I WOULD HAVE NEVER SEE YA'LL AGAIN BUT THAT DAY HE WAS ALL CRACKED OUT. HE WAS SAYING THAT SHE LIEING THAT HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO ME. MY MOM'S ALL CRYING TELLING ME "I BELIEVE YOU" AND STARTS YELLING AND MY GRANDMA WHICH IS HER MOM AND MY GRANPA IS HER STEP DAD. SHE'S YELLING AT THEM AND THEY SAYING SHE'S LIEING. NOW I REMEMBER HOW OLD I WAS WHEN IT STARTED EITHER 7 OR 8 YEARS OF AGE AND IT ENDED AT 12 YEARS OF WHEN I DECIDED TO HAVE STRENTH AND TELL. BUT ALL THE ARGUMENT MY MOM GRABED ALL OF OUR STUFF AND WE LEFT CUZ WE WHERE STAYING IN CLOVIS NEW MEXICO AND WE LEFT TO OLIVIA MINNESOTA. YEARS GO BY AND I'M GETTING OLDER I STARTED DATING GUYS BUT I WAS SCARED TO OPEN MY HEART TO THEM AND THEM HURT ME OR RAPE ME. I WAS SCARED MOST OF THE TIME I ALWAYS HAD MY LIL SISTER OR BROTHER ALONG AND THIS IS WHEN I WAS 18 YEARS AGE BUT I'VE DATED 4 GUYS BUT THEY ALL CHEATED ON ME OR A WIFE. OR A PREGNANT GIRL AT HOME. SO I GAVE UP THAT IS UNTILL I STARTED TALKING TO MY OLD FRIEND JOSHUA MARQUEZ OVER THE PHONE CUZ HE WAS IN CLOVIS NEW MEXICO AND I WAS IN WOODLAKE MINNESOTA. BUT WE STARTED TALKING AND THEN WE STARTED DATING LIKE RIGHT AWAY AND THE DATE WAS DECEMBER 2007 AND WE KEPT TALKING OVER THE PHONE AND HE WOULD TELL ME WHEN YOU COMING DOWN AND I WOULD TELL HIM I DON'T KNOW. BUT THEN MY MOM GOES WILL GO IN FEBRUARY AND THAT WAS SO WE LEFT IN FEB CAME TO CLOVIS NEW MEXICO. AND WE WHERE SATYING WIT MY COUSIN IN SOME APARTMENTS CALLED THE GRANDS BUT I CALLED HIM AND I ASK HIM IF HE WANTED TO SEE ME AND HE "YES" I'M LIKE COME TO THE GRANDS AND HE SAID OK. I FELT TINGALIES ALL OVER MY BODY AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE CALLS ME AND SAYS "I'M OUTSIDE" I TOLD HIM OK SO I WALKED OUT SIDE LOOKIN ALL PRETTY. WALKING DOWN THE SIDEWALK AND I SEE HIM AND HE'S LIKE SURPRISED. I WALKED RIGHT UP AND I KISSED HIM. IT FELT SO GOOD BUT AFTER THAT WE BROKE UP LIKE 3 TIMES BUT ENDED UP TOGETHER BUT STAYED TOGETHER FOR A YEAR AND 4 MONTHS AND GOING TO BE YEAR AND 5 MONTHS ON THE FIRST. I'M SO HAPPY PLUS HAVE MOVED IN TOGETHER IN THAT YEAR AND NOW WE'RE GETING MARRIED IN JUNE 23 OF 2009 BUT HE'S MY FIRST AND LAST MAN THAT I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART HE UNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH AND HE LOVES ME HE ALWAYS MAKES ME SMILE AND I NEVER CAN BE MAD AT HIM CUZ HE MAKES ME SMILE AND TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM AND HE NEVER CAN BE MAD CUZ I MAKE HIM SMILE HE'S THE ONE FOR AND I'M THE ONE FOR HIM.
BUT I DON'T I'M JUST SCARED FOR THEM.
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