Orble - My Life As A Dad

My Life As A Dad

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Making it through...........

April 12th 2010 06:08

Hello World,

Sorry i've been gone for so long. Sometimes life swallows you up and doesn't spit you back out for a few months, which is what just happened to me.

In between the time I last wrote and now, alot has occured. We found out that my wife has a brain tumour (thankfully it can be treated!) and will get this removed around 6 weeks after we have our fourth child.

As you could imagine, it been hectic to say the least at my house these last few months.

For a while there it was hard to be excited about the pending arrival of our fourth little monkey, but thankfully we now know where we stand and have a bit of a roadmap in terms of timings. I'm excited about the pending arrival again and can't wait to see her beautiful little face up close.

I'll be taking some time off work to look after my family and make sure my wife is as strong as she can be before and after the birth. It's very important for her to rest and be the strongest she can. I know that means i'm going to be flat out, but i'm ready for it all.

No matter what is happening to you in life that key is to look for the positives, embrace the smile your kids give you regardless of how you feel, let their laughter fill the air. Yeah i know, sometimes it's their screaming that fills the air, but thats all part of being a parent.

I think that as a society we forget all too quickly just how much of a joy it is to have kids and to just laugh and play with them. It seems to always be about striving to be the fastest runner, the best reader, the most confident in class etc etc - what happened to carefree childhood........... I'm all for my kids reaching their full potential and instilling in them that they can achieve anything they set their mind too, as long as it doesn't consume them when they're so young.

So welcome back, i'll try and keep up on how everything progresses over the next few months. I'm sure i'll have alot of stories to tell.

Enjoy

B

The Crew

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Posted By: BEN ACKERMAN - Category: Parenting, Dad, Kids, Father, Fatherhood

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Loss Of A Parent

January 30th 2010 00:29

Hello World,

When I was 16 I lost my Father to cancer. It was the most horrid, emotionally draining, confusing, angry, depressing time of my life. Being 16 II had so many grown up things to look forward to doing with my Dad. Have a beer with my Dad, learn how to drive with Dad, go out to a bar together, do any of those things that you take for granted the moment you turn 18 (legal age here in Australia).

So what does the title of this post have to do with 'my life as a dad'?.

Well, I realised the other day that even though it has been 17yrs now since his passing, I think about him everyday. Those feelings got even stronger with the birth of each child too. I can't help but think about how nice it would have been for him to meet his Grandkids.

My parents were obviously from another generation all together so Dad worked alot (he also drank alot when I was younger, but thats a different story - he was never violent towards us, he just didn't get home till very late alot of the time) and Mum looked after all (I have three older sisters) of us as best she could. The interaction I had with my Dad was fairly minimal when I think back about it. Don't get me wrong, the times we shared I will treasure forever and I have very fond memories of Father/Son time. He passed on his passion for all things audio and my appreciation for music Is due to his influence. He had an amazing stereo, which thankfully I managed to hold onto parts of (the amp/preamp) and get them refurbished so I can enjoy them too

We grew up on Sydney's Northern beaches, which is really one of the nicest places I could have hoped to grow up in. By the time I was about 12yrs old Dad had gone out on a limb and purchased a fish and chip shop in Narrabeen (coming from an IT background thats a big leap). I have to say, some of my fondest memories come from that time. I spent my summers driving down to the beach with Dad, he would go and open the shop etc and I would surf. Pretty good life really for a teenager

So her i am, 33yrs old, 3 kids fo my own, one more on the way and what have i learnt?

I consciously make sure i'm spending as much time with my little monkeys as I possibly can. I still get things done for myself and my wife, but If I ever find myself saying to them that 'i'm to busy' or 'I can't right now' becasue i'm doing some dishes or something meaningless like that I make sure I stop, take the time to hang out and cherish those moments. The f@#king dishes can wait!

The only time this doesnt really count is bed time - hehe - when it's time for bed, thats it, game over. I read books, sing a song etc, but after that, time for sleep. If you keep extending that 'together time' they'll stay up all night and milk it for every minute they can

So what's the message here......? Well, in my opinion, time with your kids is one of the greatest ways to spend your time. I'm not all over them every minute of the day, they know how to play on their own (that is important for them as well). Treat everyday like it's your last and enjoy every moment you can. As i found out at the ripe old age of 16, they can be gone in an instant.........

My parents on their wedding day

Maybe one day i'll write about my experience from when I lost him........

Enjoy!

104

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Posted By: BEN ACKERMAN - Category: Parenting, Dad, Kids, Father, Fatherhood

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Mates and pending fatherhood....

January 20th 2010 22:48

Hello World,

This one's for those guys out there that are expecting their first child and are wondering what is going to happen with their current group of mates and what kind of changes they can expect. Ladies, you might get some insights into the male group dynamic and a better understanding of the primal instinct to 'hang with our mates regardless of conscequence'

Whilst it's obviously going to be different horses for different courses due to the many variables associated with your particular group of mates there are a couple of fundamental things that are going to change. Sometimes nothing changes because you're fortunate enough to have a mature bunch of mates who just 'get it'. For those who don't....... read on.

If you're the first one in your circle of mates to be having a baby, then consider yourself the pioneer, but also be aware that you'll be experiencing alot of emotions and changes that they will not be able to fully understand. It's not until the next guy in the group spits out a little monkey that it suddenly gets a little easier. Having another bloke to relate to within your group of mates makes things a thousand times easier.

So........ what can you expect?

In the first few months of the pregnancy you may not notice too many changes within the group, obviously you'll have this wonderful news that you'll be keen to share (if you wait the standard 12 weeks as per most couples before telling people), the biggest changes will more than likely be at home, especially if your partner suffers from morning sickness, if she does, you need to step up and support her. I don't think you'd like to have a hangover for 3 months so just stop and think how it feels for her for a moment.

In saying that, your partner being pregnant does provide you with a designated driver for those nights that you do get to go out

- take advantage of it whilst you can, it won't last forever!

Some of your mates will be cool, accepting the fact that you may not be able to just come out at the drop of a hat, stay back after work for 'work drinks' or keep up with the weekly poker nights. Others however, for reasons that go into way to much detail for this blog, will find it hard to accept that you're about to go off on another adventure and will do their best to keep you attached to the group for as long as possible. Usually it's just an insecurity on their behalf, but in the same breath, it can be hard for a bloke, especially if you've been very close for a very long time (i've known my group of mates for over 20yrs now and i'm only 33!)

If you're having troubles with one or more of your mates you just need to sit them down and dare I say it 'talk' about it. You need to explain to them that the dynamic is going to change and that it really isn't going to be the same as it used to be. Explain that late night drunken calls, all night benders, weekly poker nights, golf games with 5mins notice etc etc just aren't going to happen for a while. They don't disappear forever, but they do slow down that s for sure.

As more and more guys in your group have babies the level of understanding increases ten fold. I held onto my party hat for as long as i could, infact i left massive claw marks in it as I fought for my right to continue with my 'no baby' party ways. But there really does come a time when you gotta let go and focus your attention on the most important thing, your partner and your baby.

In summary, some of you will adjust faster than others. Some guys are just natural born Dad's, others take a while to pick up their game and unfortunately some never do (that a whole different conversation for another time).

So for the impending Dad's out there - what you feel you may be missing out on is replaced by a whole new world of wonderful things to experience.

For those who are first time Dad's, you may still be dealing with this situation. It'll pass sooner then you think. If there are any rogue mates still clinging to the ideals of yesterday, you've got to step up and lay down the law.

Finding the balance is key, you need your mates, it's an important part of life and they'll help you when it gets tough. Just be honest with yourself and those around you and it'll be fine.

" alt="Hanging with mates

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I'd love to say they're my mates, I was just fortunate enough to meet them backstage!

Enjoy!

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Posted By: BEN ACKERMAN - Category: Parenting, Dad, Kids, Fatherhood

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Couple More Points Of Clarification

January 19th 2010 10:23

Hello again world,

I thought i'd better make a few more things clear before I begin in earnest and start spewing forth stories of joy, pain, terror, ecstacy and confusion on you all

[ Click here to read more ]

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Posted By: BEN ACKERMAN - Category: Parenting, Dad, Kids, Fatherhood

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About Me

January 19th 2010 06:01

Hello World,

I decided it was time to create a blog that gives the Dad's of the world an understanding that we actually do feel and experience similar things when it comes to being a Dad, no matter what stage of 'Dad' your at - soon to be, newbie, seasoned veteran etc

[ Click here to read more ]

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Posted By: BEN ACKERMAN - Category: No Category

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April 2010

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