I never knew my family!
I never knew my family up until a few years ago. Tomorrow is my 27th birthday I wonder if any one of them will remember.
i recall the day that I met them. I had been out the night before with my best friend. We were always on a mission her and I, but in the previous months I had lost so much weight I was feeling on top of the world. We were at my favourite nightclub and I saw this guy crouched in the corner. He looked like Russel Crowe, long black leather jacket, short facial hair, deep, thinking eyes. It wasnt like me to approach these sort of men, but that night I did. I was dancing across the room and all of a sudden the music went quiet and I saw him, and it was like I was seeing someone for the first time...well I was, but not in that way! I went across to him and crouched beside him and started to speak to him and immediately he was attentive. I am not much of a dancer but we soon up there, his black cloak gyrating, my hips out of sync. We made the perfect couple, both complementing each others (another word for weakness orvoids!!!) Suddenly the music around us became a hushed tone in the background, we stared into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity and then his head tilted towards mine.
It was a soft kiss, nothing like I had experienced before. Normally by this time the slurring drunk with the red eyes had made his move and you were trying to find the nearest exit. However, this time, that long black cloak provided some escape, those lips provided all the escape! The tongue runnig gently along the lower lip, then the soft sucking on the neck and kissing along the shoulder blade. It seemed like we were in a time bubble, wrapped up in that dark protective cloak. I felt his lips close around a small bit of my skin on the side of my neck and the suck was gentle, yet sent a tingling sensation through my body. His lips then went back to my mouth and his tongue gently outlined the shape of my mouth.
Then it happened...LIGHTS UP...EVERYONE GO HOME! We were off! In the mass exit from the club I lost my lystery man, but I prouldy bared his mark. I smiled all the way home and fell asleep in my wine induced erotic sense of "love".
..............................................
I awoke the next day to a dull thud in my head. I knew there was something important about today, but I could not get my mind into gear. I reached down and started through one squinted eye at my cell phone clock at the time, yet saw I had a message that gone by unnoticed. I did not recognise the name as I opened it, however as soon as I read the words I understood their meaning. .....
My family were on their way to meet me, for the first time and I was still asleep! I jumped from bed, waking up my best mate who lay beside me, rushed to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and then I saw it, that marron mark on the side of my neck. I had packed my clothes for the weekend, none of them would cover it ... was I to meet my new family shrouded my shame? I dried my hair frantically which hung just below my shoulders and tried to make sure it covered the red mark.
Too soon the doorbell rang and I knew it was them. Did I look OK? How many were there? What did they expect? I ran down the steps, my best friend just ahead of me and all sorts ofthoughts ran through my brain as I did. I caught a glimps of the car as I came down the last flight of stairs, a pair of legs and then two....this was my family, these were the little bits and pieces I could attribute my lips to, my nose to, my crazy thoughts to.....could I hide that scarlet mark on my neck to them? Could I forget those dark eyes and deny that strong body to these people? I had known them for almost equal amounts of time, would they fit into different parts of my life? How? Why?........
i recall the day that I met them. I had been out the night before with my best friend. We were always on a mission her and I, but in the previous months I had lost so much weight I was feeling on top of the world. We were at my favourite nightclub and I saw this guy crouched in the corner. He looked like Russel Crowe, long black leather jacket, short facial hair, deep, thinking eyes. It wasnt like me to approach these sort of men, but that night I did. I was dancing across the room and all of a sudden the music went quiet and I saw him, and it was like I was seeing someone for the first time...well I was, but not in that way! I went across to him and crouched beside him and started to speak to him and immediately he was attentive. I am not much of a dancer but we soon up there, his black cloak gyrating, my hips out of sync. We made the perfect couple, both complementing each others (another word for weakness orvoids!!!) Suddenly the music around us became a hushed tone in the background, we stared into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity and then his head tilted towards mine.
..............................................
I awoke the next day to a dull thud in my head. I knew there was something important about today, but I could not get my mind into gear. I reached down and started through one squinted eye at my cell phone clock at the time, yet saw I had a message that gone by unnoticed. I did not recognise the name as I opened it, however as soon as I read the words I understood their meaning. .....
My family were on their way to meet me, for the first time and I was still asleep! I jumped from bed, waking up my best mate who lay beside me, rushed to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and then I saw it, that marron mark on the side of my neck. I had packed my clothes for the weekend, none of them would cover it ... was I to meet my new family shrouded my shame? I dried my hair frantically which hung just below my shoulders and tried to make sure it covered the red mark.
Too soon the doorbell rang and I knew it was them. Did I look OK? How many were there? What did they expect? I ran down the steps, my best friend just ahead of me and all sorts ofthoughts ran through my brain as I did. I caught a glimps of the car as I came down the last flight of stairs, a pair of legs and then two....this was my family, these were the little bits and pieces I could attribute my lips to, my nose to, my crazy thoughts to.....could I hide that scarlet mark on my neck to them? Could I forget those dark eyes and deny that strong body to these people? I had known them for almost equal amounts of time, would they fit into different parts of my life? How? Why?........
The Voices in my Head
Only because you asked for my opinion, will I offer any sort of opinion or critical comments. I am not qualified. Homer will do a much better job than I and is much more qualified, certainly.
I do see where you are going with this...and it's intriguing. I like the mystery of why you are only meeting your family for the first time being drawn out the way you are doing. It keeps the interest!
Keep in mind, though, that the pace is very manic so far. You barely get a glimpse the images you are trying to convey before there is another. Slow down, focus on the point of your story...as though meeting your family is the center of the story with everything unraveling from there.
One other little thing, the purple on black is hard on the eyes a bit...you want people to linger over what you have written...keep writing. I am curious about the whole family situation, now. :c)
I'll be back,
Voices~
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Thanks for that. I realise neither of you are qualified but I find the two of you very intriguing - your thoughts are very insightful and I like the way you two talk to each other!
I will have a rewrite - I tend to write quickly and start one thought and leave another half way through!
Thanks for the advice!
Ash
The Voices in my Head
As for Homer and I...we are writing soul mates, he and I. I am glad you enjoy our 'back and forth'. We do have fun with it and it's great to know that others do too.
I like the white background. I could focus more on your story as I re-read it the second time.
I love your picture...it's also very mysterious and it says alot about you, I think.
I'll be back,
Voices~
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Thanks for the feedback.
I agree with what you say about you and Homer being writing soul mates and I do enjoy reading your comments to one another - its great that you two have got such a good connection through your writing.
As for the picture I love eyes, I find them intriguing, they tell a lot about a person and as they say, "are the mirror to the soul".
Ash