Mrs M

Sydney, New South Wales, AUSTRALIA


Joined November 1st 2006

Number of Posts:
213

Number of Comments:
2115

Karma:
10



I like to read, I like to write, I like to debate.

Currently reading:-
Springsteen - Christopher Sandford

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Recent Posts

A couple of weeks ago Jacqueline Maley wrote a post on Daily Life Why Kids Should Be Banned From Art Galleries

Now I’m not about to attack Maley because she in her follow up post she stated that she wrote that post in jest and I’m inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.

But what Maley did do is tap into something that is a common held belief that children should not be allowed in the domain of adults. Even though they are public places.

We’ve all heard complaints from travelers about children on flights or even my own post about visiting a local bistro.

For as vocal as the ‘children are a nuisance’ brigade is, there is an equally vocal group of people who insist children be treated as people too. You just need to read the comments in Maley blog post.

How did we get here? Are we are a bunch of individuals who don’t want children to encroach our lifestyle or are we a community voicing genuine concerns?

There’s seems to be a distancing of children, a putting them in a corner…over there…away from here sentiment. It’s not enough to choose to be childless but people want to be childless in every facet of their life. And if they have to endure children in public spaces then they are certainly going to have something to say about it. That sounds harsh doesn’t it? And it is. But is there an element of truth in it?

Let’s take Maley’s post on the National Art Gallery as a case study here.

Yes, the Gallery is certainly not a playground and parents need to be mindful of their children’s behaviour in public but children should not be banned from places like art galleries? Do children get bored? Yes. Will you wiz through it faster? Probably. But last time I checked, ‘time spent admiring’ wasn’t a prerequisite to enter a gallery.

And I disagree with Maley’s point that taking kids to the gallery is aspirational not educational. I’m not entirely convinced that these two things are mutually exclusive. I don’t take my kids to galleries, museum, or theatre because I aspire them to become artists anymore than I take them to the movies to become a filmmaker or have them read books to become authors.

I do these things to provide exposure. Exposure is necessary. It’s been accepted that, for example, active kids generally become active adults. Children who read books become adults that read books.

It’s all about habit forming. Why not art, theatre, charity work, history tours? This is the time when kids start to form opinions on art and culture; what resonates and what doesn’t. This is the time to fill in the vacant slots as it were.

Maybe kids won’t appreciate a gallery as much as an adult but that doesn’t mean they don’t store that information in their brains to call on it later in life; like a planted seed. I mean, half the English texts I read during my highschool years were largely useless to me at the time. My Uncle Chris gave me Plato’s The Republic to read when I was 16. That text went over my head. But, it did plant a seed and now I have The Republic on my bookshelf and pick it up to read excerpts.

And yes you can expose kids to a range of things through books but you tell me, doesn’t the Sydney Harbour Bridge look so much better up close and personal? Doesn’t a song sound so much better when you see it performed live than listening to it on CD? Doesn’t seeing Sidney Nolan’s Ned Kelly series impact you more than seeing it in a book? Why would children be any different? Are they not as open to experience as adults?

My eldest son who is one of those kids who gets bored very quickly and will wiz through things but he stopped at the Ned Kelly series. He even asked if he could buy the postcard on our way out. I was genuinely surprised because I thought he wouldn’t be interested. But hey, I was wrong.

Now on our way out a kind gallery worker told us that upstairs there is a kids section where they could create their own art. And so we went. And my children created their own art. So if the curators of the National Art Gallery see the value of having kids visit, so should the rest of us.

And here’s the thing. It doesn’t take just one visit to a gallery, or the theatre to a) appreciate what you are seeing and b) how to behave in certain social spaces.

With every visit children learn how to behave in public spaces. They understand the social rules of being quiet, not running; This is how we learnt to read social cues, it’s how they will learn.

You don’t just suddenly wake up one day and knowing all of society’s unspoken and unwritten rules.

Now I can’t speak for an entire generation but there does seem to be a widely held belief that children today are doing more ‘adult’ type activities than we ever did. Restaurants, overseas travel, galleries, theatre, musicals.

Maybe that’s true. The question is, is it so bad?

I know I didn’t get any exposure to ‘high brow’ type culture because my parents weren’t ‘high brow’ type people. But they are Greek so they did bang on about philosophy and democracy a whole lot. But I did have a desire as a kid to visit museums and study history. And music, oh my goodness, I remember seeing Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat when I was in primary school. That rocked my world.

But that’s life isn’t it? A coat of many colours? A jumbled mess of experiences that as we get older start sorting out?

Love & stuff
Mrs M
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THE 'ME' STRATEGIES PART 3

April 4th 2012 20:56
“Muuum! Have you done the points yet?”

That could any one of my children screaming at me. I think I need to change one of the behaviours on the list to ‘don’t nag mum about points’. Good. And for that you will get a point ?

In all seriousness the kids have enjoyed using The ‘Me’ Strategies.

I gave each of my children 5 tasks/behaviours and it was a rare thing for any of them to score 5 points in a day but they consistently got a 3. Sometimes a 2 or a 4.

(To get a point a child must show the desired behaviour or complete the desired task; so each child can only get a maximum of 5 points per day).

We first started these strategies during the school holidays so I was with them all day. When I confidently believed that a particular behaviour had changed for good I changed the behaviour/tasks on the scoreboard to reflect it.

My son now washes his hair without asking. It worked!!!!!

So when they started school I changed a couple of the tasks/behaviours to reflect that also. For example, my 6 year old is a reluctant reader so one of his tasks was to read everyday for 10 minutes.

Now, this parents is when you need to be on the ball. This is no longer about observation but active participation. So these strategies actually helped me not get slack about my 6 year old’s reading. Because you know when things just get too hard sometimes you just say “I’ll leave it for today”. Yeah that.

Also with the kids being in school meant that there was only a 4 hour window for me to see how my kids were going. So that made me get off this computer and hang out with my kids. Never a bad thing.

The other thing I found was that my nagging was in fact reduced. Because behaviours were brought to the fore, and I think there’s something about it being up on a board that helps kids focus, all that was required from me was a look if I thought any of them were starting to falter. Because it was front and centre of their mind too; not just mine.

My 8 year old was a little tricky sometimes. He was very excited at the start but he’s the one that loses interest (in anything) first. So while he was compliant to begin with, I wondered how long that would last. He did start to slip. His active involvement started to wane.

I asked Penny what happens if a behaviour hasn’t been met and it is still early in the day. What’s the incentive to try and improve for the rest of the day.

If he responds to one gentle reminder, it’s okay to get on with achieving the point for the rest of the day.

2. You don’t need to tell him he hasn’t earned the point until the end of the day, unless of course he asks. If he asks, and depends on how he wasn’t complying, you could suggest a good decision now will make more likely that he has gained this.

3. If he doesn’t respond, you can either show your nonjudgmental disappointment that he chose not to earn the point. If that means he loses interest in following that for the rest of the day, indicate that he might consider it good to practice what he is working at.

4. If he complies, knowing he hasn’t earned a point, a ‘wildcard’ can be used, for a good choice despite him not getting anything out of it (a surprise point).

5. At the end of the day, he may not comply for the rest of the day, but begin again tomorrow reminding him that it was a shame he missed a point.

So will I continue with The ‘Me Strategies? I think I will. I also think I need to take a break from it every now and then. I think if i kept it going constantly it would start to have the opposite effect. But I recommend it, I really do.

Love & stuff
Mrs M
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THE 'ME' STRATEGIES PART 2

March 27th 2012 02:17
So this box I’ve just opened up is extensive. A little daunting and I realize that I need about an hour just to go over everything and really understand the purpose of all of this.

Now that sounds like hard work. And it is. But let’s face it, if you do this half-arsed then it’s not going to work.

First up I have to say it kind of looks like a reward chart. Penny explains on the website why it is different to a rewards chart. In short, the me strategies is a little more flexible when it comes to the child receiving said reward.

But this is how it works; the really short version.


Score Sheet
You pick up to 5 behaviours/tasks that you want your child work on/improve. If they meet that task for the day they get 1 point. 5 tasks = maximum 5 points a day. (If they do something extraordinary you can give a bonus point).
Now points are given daily on a board so your child can see their progress.

What happens with those points? Well you choose rewards with a varying level of value. Ie a kids magazine is worth 12 points. A milkshake is worth 8 points. A later bedtime is worth 15 points. So you can choose things that have a monetary value or not.

We decided that if the kids wanted something of monetary value then each point was worth 50c.

So Mr M and I went through to choose what behaviours that we thought each of children needed to work on. What we found kind of amusing is when we presented these goals to our children each of them instantly reacted

For example, we set my daughter the task of being a little less argumentative. Well when she was told that she began to argue with me. “No I don’t”, she exclaimed.

My oldest son got mad when I said he needed to control his anger and my 2nd son whinged when I told him he needed to whinge a little less.

I really don’t know if that’s comical or tragic.

What was interesting was my daughter has a tendency of being a ‘know it all’; and when she does that my eldest son usually reacts angrily. So what I was hoping to gain out of using the me strategies was a more harmonious relationship between my children as well as their individual habits.

As we were reading the list of behaviours you realize that there’s actually quite a lot of good you’ve done with my parenting and that my kids aren’t the worst people in the world. I actually realize how well behaved they can be. I’m sure this would be a common reaction with other parents too.

Now the kids and I sat down to work out the different rewards and attribute a value to them. I think this was the trick to helping them take ownership over what was happening. So it wasn’t just me dictating the terms, which if you remember when you were a kid was almost the worst thing in the world to happen; to be talked at.

What I didn’t see coming but gave a warm and fuzzy feeling was the kids asked if they could pool their points together to redeem a reward. This wasn’t in the manual. But I thought it was a good idea as long as they all redeemed an equal number of points. The reward was generally things like going bowling, iceskating, movies etc. You know, whole group activities.

And I decided that we would redeem points every two weeks. The manual suggests that you can redeem points as often as you like and that it’s not a bad idea since it will help kids stay motivated if they receive a reward more frequently than having to wait around for it.

But for me, I wanted to teach my kids a little bit about delayed gratification, which is why I started with 2 weeks. The beauty is that I can change the frequency any time I like.

A log book and tokens are supplied to help keep track of points given point redeemed for rewards.

The kids were happy, they chose their characters. Now the pack comes with 2 sheets to put your child’s point on but I have three so I used a magnetic board to put all three kids on there and placed the board in the kitchen; the place that gets the most foot traffic.

I did start this in the school holidays knowing full well I would have to revise their goals once they started school.

Remember in my first post I wrote that my eldest son had an issue with washing his hair? Yeah well, that was one of the things he had to do.

Next week, the results.
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THE ME STRATEGIES PART 1

March 21st 2012 02:29
Do you nag your kids? Is there one thing that your kid does every single day that drives you berko? And it doesn’t matter how many times a day you say it they don’t listen!!
That was me. Across four kids.

[ Click here to read more ]
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MISSING IN ACTION

March 1st 2012 10:41
It may seem that I have been missing in action. Missing from my blog, missing from Facebook, missing from Twitter.
My online persona has taken a dive in presence. But that doesn’t mean I have taken a dive in workload.

[ Click here to read more ]
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101 THINGS ABOUT ME

February 12th 2012 02:51
1. I have this blog that I started in 2006 and my new Mum's Word Blog that I also write on..

2. My birthday is on New Year’s Day; it’s a bittersweet day to have a birthday


[ Click here to read more ]
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WERE YOU SCHOOL CAPTAIN?

December 16th 2011 02:27
Last week my daughter decided to nominate herself for the leadership team (Captain, Vice Captain, SRC leader). She has been on the Student Representative Council this year and she enjoyed her first foray into selfless public servitude.
She had her sights set on bigger things. Which, if you know my daughter, is encouraging because she’s usually the quiet reserved one that is always unsure of herself.

[ Click here to read more ]
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NEWS THIS WEEK 28 NOVEMBER 2011

November 28th 2011 10:28
Peter Savage was murdered in 1995 when a couple of kids who tried to “roll” him for his wallet. When Peter laughed at them and kept walking he was stabbed. Why? Well apparently “if he wasn’t such a dickhead we wouldn’t have stabbed him”, one of he accused said.
Peter Savage had the audacity to stand up for himself and want to keep his wallet.

[ Click here to read more ]
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NEWS THIS WEEK 1 NOVEMBER 2011

November 1st 2011 03:36
Monday 31 October 2011 saw the 7 billionth baby born.

There is a lot of discussion about the merit of celebrating the 7 billionth member of the world’s population. Environmental impact, social impact, cultural impact, economic impact, agricultural impact, health and medical impact


[ Click here to read more ]
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NEWS THIS WEEK 24 OCTOBER 2011

October 24th 2011 09:15
The news story this week has to be the tragic loss of Yue Yue.
The 2 year old toddler who was run over twice by two separate trucks and then ignored by 18 passers-by before someone noticed her. What a horrible horrible way for Yue Yue to be treated. The moral and ethic code of China has been a talking point this week but my mind immediately goes to an image I saw a few years ago in Marie Claire of a newborn baby girl laying dead in the gutter and people seen stepping around her.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Recent Comments

Comment by Mrs M
on DO CHILDREN BELONG IN ART GALLERIES?

May 4th 2012 01:07
Absolutely Denyse, everyone is entitled to their space. It's just common courtesy. Which is probably why I take my younger ones and go through the gallery faster than my older ones who go with their father.

I am always wary of others around me and am forever telling my kids they need to be mindful of that too. But it's a fine line between being welcome and feeling unwelcome.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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Comment by Mrs M
on THE ME STRATEGIES PART 1

March 21st 2012 05:06
OMG. I didn't even see. Went over there right now and clicked on it. HELLOOOOO!!!

Self exploration is a wonderful thing

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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Comment by Mrs M
on MISSING IN ACTION

March 7th 2012 23:27
Hi Kleo,

Yeah we should meet up on FB. I love Lilla. Miss her stuff.

It's all a learning curve. I still don't have all the answers. And I never will.

Does orble let you direct message each other?

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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Comment by Mrs M
on 101 THINGS ABOUT ME

February 16th 2012 02:32
Hi Kleo,

That's the reaction I've had from a lot of people actually. Forgot to mention that I read "No-one hear gets out alive" when I was 15 and I instantly became a fan of The Doors.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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Comment by Mrs M
on Trying to understand digital TV

July 28th 2011 05:18
The informercials suck big time!!! I ended up getting an Apple TV, cost a couple hundred dollars and when I was up with babies I would watch Media Watch podcasts. Handy for in the middle of the night.

I love Mad About You too.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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Comment by Mrs M
on Some more Random

July 16th 2011 06:01
It's the simple things that get us through the day.

It's nice to regain some part of our history; I suppose it's why I listen to so much 80's music.

I hope Dragon Crystal brings you more joy than frustration.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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Comment by Mrs M
on Odds and Ends

June 28th 2011 03:20
One of my greatest memories was when Jordan was 12 months and just learned to stand on her own. We had a German Shepherd dog named Duke. Duke would run past Jordan just close enough for her to fall over laughing, (but not too close that he bowled her over).

Those two would play for ages.

Can't wait for your little one to be out there with you and the playing with the rest of the family.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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Comment by Mrs M
on Howdy Orblears and readers...

May 31st 2011 04:11
It's hard Kleo. I've gone through the ebb and flow of writing. It will come back to you.

You spend so much of your mental stamina on looking after a baby that when you come to write your brain just wants to rest. Even though the ideas flow; its the fleshing out that's tough.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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Comment by Mrs M
on The Great breastfeeding debate

May 31st 2011 04:09
Hi Kleo,

It's a baptism of fire being a mother. Don't listen to the unsupportive bitches. Nothing pisses me off more.

It's why I never went to a mother's group. The competition and the constant justification of what you are doing just does my head in.

No-one knows your daughter better than you. The others can got and get stuffed.

I hope you feel better soon. We all we what we can with our kids Kleo.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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Comment by Mrs M
on Home

April 29th 2011 02:52
YAY!!!!! She's home, you're all home!!!

Kleo, the only advice I have to give to you is trust your instinct. If your baby is sleeping, let her sleep. Even if it is for 5 hours. She'll wake up hungry and eat. Newborns are kind of clever like that. She'll let you know what she needs.

And yes, they do need to get a certain amount of sleep in a 24 hours period and yes they do need to eat a certain amount but she is just like us. She might not be very hungry now, but she'll be ravenous later.

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!!

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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