Expect A Miracle
Miracle of the Week - It Happened Overnight
May 8th 2011 23:36
Although raised in a traditional Anglican household, I lost my faith in a "higher power" in my early twenties after going to university. Entering the workforce after graduating, I wanted to "experience life" and got hooked into a period of heavy drinking and living it up! As I progressed into my late twenties, my drinking became heavier until, at some point, I crossed over into becoming totally dependent (physically and emotionally) on alcohol to get through life, work and each day. As the years passed by into my 30s my work, relationships, physical and mental health began to deteriorate markedly.
By my mid 30s my career was over. I had lost destroyed most of my relationships (both personal and professional), I lost my job, had to sell almost everything I owned to continue to live without a job and, of course, continue drinking. Eventually I lost almost everything I owned and was on the verge of homelessness and bankruptcy. My mental health & body were shattered. I attempted suicide on several occasions. Over the next
5-6 years I was repeatedly hospitalised, entered and left detox and mental health programs and tried everything I could to try and regain my life. I tried Alcoholics Anonymous, saw countless psychologists and psychiatrists, tried different medications, read self help books, tried natural therapies and live- in treatment programs. Nothing worked.
Finally after turning 40, I decided everything else had failed, maybe I could turn to "God" or something "spiritual" again - I had nothing left to lose! Watching the tele-evangelist (Joyce Meyer) at about 4am one morning, I decided to honestly pray the "Sinner's Prayer" and become a born again Christian (at least in my heart I truly believed I did). I watched the TV program every day, sent for and read the literature, listened to the tapes and DVDs & earnestly prayed to be delivered from my addiction. Although I began to gradually feel better over the next few months, I still couldn't beat my addiction. I prayed repeatedly for either "deliverance" or death - either one would do!! But an inner voice kept telling me to keep trying and have faith. I didn't feel compelled to join a Church or anything, but I also began to re-read self help & "new age" books, listen to music, learned to meditate, and tried to develop a "spiritual" aspect to my life. I felt immense shame, grief, remorse, sadness, a sense of frustration, anger, self pity, depression and overwhelming loneliness.
Materially, I was still unemployed, I lost my home and had to move interstate to live with (and eventually became the full time carer for) my elderly parents. Alcohol was still wreaking untold havoc in my life though. Money was a huge problem and just before I moved interstate I was brutally assaulted by drug-addicted neighbours which left me utterly depressed and hospitalised once again. I still wouldn't let go of my faith that one day I might receive a "miraculous cure". My inner voice/guardian angel just kept telling me I would have to keep believing and keep on going, one day at a time.
A year after moving back to my parents, my mental health slowly began to improve. And slowly it began to dawn on me that alcohol was no longer having the same effect on me that it once did. My body had begun to violently reject it's effects and I could barely tolerate the taste or smell. After one last big drunken episode in which I painfully lost two life long friends who had stuck by me for so long, I felt like I had hit rock bottom!! Three months after this, having continued to believe in a miracle-working "higher power", I went to bed after praying the deepest, most sincere, heartfelt prayer, completely surrendering my will and my life. I slept the deepest and most content night I had experienced in many, many years.
The very next morning, the moment I woke and opened my eyes - a distinct (but non audible) inner voice firmly said, quite simply: "It's over!" I knew immediately what it meant! I was very scared but also serene and calm, and in awe! It meant that a lifetime of self destructive drinking and immense physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual pain was, at long last - over!!! To my immense amazement, I experienced no physical withdrawal symptoms whatsoever - shocking because all previous attempts at "cold turkey' rehab had required my hospitalisation and large doses of medication to treat the physical/chemical aspects of withdrawal - night sweats, uncontrollable shaking, nausea, hallucinations etc. I went from years of daily drinking from the moment I woke up to the moment I passed out, day after day, week after week, month after month, for years and decades! After over 20 years of alcoholism I had finally received my "miracle cure" All cravings, all desires, all intense "need" for alcohol had completely disappeared.
Five years on I have never had nor wanted another drink. I now know that I never want another alcoholic drink again in my life - it is an intense "inner knowing", it is very difficult to try to explain. I know it to be true because I have lived it and continue to live this reality every day since that night in 2004. My life has improved in every way. I am gradually getting back on my feet and I love every minute of being alive!! I look forward to whatever the future may hold. I have been given another chance at life and I am determined to make the most of it! All thanks to that "miracle" of healing which I was blessed to receive during a moment of intense "spiritual rebirth". I believe in miracles - completely!!!
By my mid 30s my career was over. I had lost destroyed most of my relationships (both personal and professional), I lost my job, had to sell almost everything I owned to continue to live without a job and, of course, continue drinking. Eventually I lost almost everything I owned and was on the verge of homelessness and bankruptcy. My mental health & body were shattered. I attempted suicide on several occasions. Over the next
5-6 years I was repeatedly hospitalised, entered and left detox and mental health programs and tried everything I could to try and regain my life. I tried Alcoholics Anonymous, saw countless psychologists and psychiatrists, tried different medications, read self help books, tried natural therapies and live- in treatment programs. Nothing worked.
Finally after turning 40, I decided everything else had failed, maybe I could turn to "God" or something "spiritual" again - I had nothing left to lose! Watching the tele-evangelist (Joyce Meyer) at about 4am one morning, I decided to honestly pray the "Sinner's Prayer" and become a born again Christian (at least in my heart I truly believed I did). I watched the TV program every day, sent for and read the literature, listened to the tapes and DVDs & earnestly prayed to be delivered from my addiction. Although I began to gradually feel better over the next few months, I still couldn't beat my addiction. I prayed repeatedly for either "deliverance" or death - either one would do!! But an inner voice kept telling me to keep trying and have faith. I didn't feel compelled to join a Church or anything, but I also began to re-read self help & "new age" books, listen to music, learned to meditate, and tried to develop a "spiritual" aspect to my life. I felt immense shame, grief, remorse, sadness, a sense of frustration, anger, self pity, depression and overwhelming loneliness.
Materially, I was still unemployed, I lost my home and had to move interstate to live with (and eventually became the full time carer for) my elderly parents. Alcohol was still wreaking untold havoc in my life though. Money was a huge problem and just before I moved interstate I was brutally assaulted by drug-addicted neighbours which left me utterly depressed and hospitalised once again. I still wouldn't let go of my faith that one day I might receive a "miraculous cure". My inner voice/guardian angel just kept telling me I would have to keep believing and keep on going, one day at a time.
A year after moving back to my parents, my mental health slowly began to improve. And slowly it began to dawn on me that alcohol was no longer having the same effect on me that it once did. My body had begun to violently reject it's effects and I could barely tolerate the taste or smell. After one last big drunken episode in which I painfully lost two life long friends who had stuck by me for so long, I felt like I had hit rock bottom!! Three months after this, having continued to believe in a miracle-working "higher power", I went to bed after praying the deepest, most sincere, heartfelt prayer, completely surrendering my will and my life. I slept the deepest and most content night I had experienced in many, many years.
The very next morning, the moment I woke and opened my eyes - a distinct (but non audible) inner voice firmly said, quite simply: "It's over!" I knew immediately what it meant! I was very scared but also serene and calm, and in awe! It meant that a lifetime of self destructive drinking and immense physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual pain was, at long last - over!!! To my immense amazement, I experienced no physical withdrawal symptoms whatsoever - shocking because all previous attempts at "cold turkey' rehab had required my hospitalisation and large doses of medication to treat the physical/chemical aspects of withdrawal - night sweats, uncontrollable shaking, nausea, hallucinations etc. I went from years of daily drinking from the moment I woke up to the moment I passed out, day after day, week after week, month after month, for years and decades! After over 20 years of alcoholism I had finally received my "miracle cure" All cravings, all desires, all intense "need" for alcohol had completely disappeared.
Five years on I have never had nor wanted another drink. I now know that I never want another alcoholic drink again in my life - it is an intense "inner knowing", it is very difficult to try to explain. I know it to be true because I have lived it and continue to live this reality every day since that night in 2004. My life has improved in every way. I am gradually getting back on my feet and I love every minute of being alive!! I look forward to whatever the future may hold. I have been given another chance at life and I am determined to make the most of it! All thanks to that "miracle" of healing which I was blessed to receive during a moment of intense "spiritual rebirth". I believe in miracles - completely!!!
Miracles Happen
| 26 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
subscribe to this blog
