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There are some things in this world that should never have been around at all, let alone be deemed as fashionable or cool.
As you’re quite possibly aware, trends and fads tend to go in and out of fashion, almost as often as a world youth day pilgrim smiles widely and breaks out into song. It’s the sort of thing you reminisce and cringe about at the same time (the fads I mean!). Then 10 years down the track, it sneaks up on you like a round of Jaeger bombs that were charged to your bar tab while your back was turned and you’re hit with the hollowing reality that apparently it’s back, and cooler than you last remembered it.
This I’m ok with, slap bands, 80s fashion, high waisted jeans I can handle, they were cool and have become cool once more. But there are just some things that should never, and I hope, will never fool unsuspecting fashion victims and take over teen trends.
I’m happy to admit, yes I did partake in these trends, but I’ve learnt from my childish mistakes and have rectified them and will make it my life long ambition to stop these hideous items of clothing, accessories and other idiotic inventions from becoming remotely cool once more. You might see this as a waste of time, I see this as my contribution to society and making sure you don’t fall for the same mistakes twice.
Haircuts come and go, but the trusted ‘undercut’ should never come again. So many young boys (and some stupid girls) fell victim to this during my primary school days, it was totally cool and all the cool kids had it. Then they were left with a ridiculous looking head of hair once their shaved ‘undercut’ began to grow back - fools.
Clip up pants. Why Adidas why? This was around about the same time the pronunciation of Adidas became ‘ad-dee-dus’.
Hair mascara. I was an advocate for this stupid, stupid and unattractive fad. It came around the time of facial glitter and sequins. Good idea, let’s dump a container of glitter on your face, stick on some sequins around your eyes and brush some green hair mascara through your hair (in stripes of course) and off you went. Seriously, why was I not tackled and forced to shower immediately. Looking rather similar to a tinsel clad Christmas tree isn’t a good look and will never be.
Lanyards, maybe useful, but so too are ‘man bags’ (a.k.a male handbag) but there is a reason for them being socially unacceptable.
Spice Girls. I’m all for girl power and fighting for feminism, it’s necessary. However I find their portrayal of ‘Girl Power’ rather contradictory. Somehow parading around in a tube top and hot pants, whilst singing lyrics such as, “If ya wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,’ just doesn’t seem like positive encouragement for unsuspecting five year olds. They attempted a comeback, failed miserably, what more needs to be said?
Top deck hair colouring, I think this might still be kicking about. What, you couldn’t decide on one hair colour and you were feeling like a bit of chocolate at the same time? Brain explosion, top deck hair do’s, brown underneath, blonde on top, equals hot (maybe not).
There is a reason why these things came in and out of fashion like a big brother contestants fame time span, no revival necessary - please.
It’s science, (or is it)?
There are a lot of things like this, but don't be alarmed if I ventured away from the topic, we're all human here. Off we go.
1. Bratz: What a fantastic role model for all the young girls around the world. Bratz! Shouldn't the name deter you? I'm not a parent but I think I'd be steering my young chaps very clear of anything bratty. I'd have enough trouble controlling them when they get on that crazy juice red cordial, without them idolizing some doll that is named after unacceptable behavior. Have you seen their get up? When I first saw them on TV I thought they were advertising for that Pussycat Dolls show. And we all know what that was about. Hello 9:30pm time slot.
2. Girls analysing text messages: it doesn't matter how he spelt love whether it be 'love, or luv' good chance that if he is saying it for the first time in a text message and not too your face how he chose to spell the word love isn't your biggest issue. If he doesn't write back to you within 3.4 seconds it doesn't mean he hates your or has run off with that hot blonde... maybe his phone isn't strapped to his forehead.
3. Horoscopes: I wish they came true, the good ones of course not those ones telling me I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. No Thank you. But seriously has anyone had an instance where what exactly was said came true? Not one of those if you look it that way, and interpret that like that then its basically the same. Shut up!
4. 5. Emo culture: This doesn't confuse me, but my parents reaction when I tried to explain it was. "Emu's!! Wear black skinny jeans, What are you on about Megan?" Try and explain what an Emo is to your parents. The old 'it doesn't make sense, its just a phase' call will pump out every time'. I went through the Emo stage, my mother started to worry when I asked for a skateboard for my 20th Birthday, I've still got it. I'm terrible on it but it's still there.
5. Boys having better legs then girls: You wouldn't hear a girl saying oh wow check out his pins. I'd be slightly worried if they did. It's unfair an unwarranted. We are the ones obsessed about how we look then off the boys go wearing their skinny jeans and they look better. Blah.
6. Going to the movies alone: I'm one of those people who needs someone to laugh with when watching something funny. You know what I mean, the hahaha turn and look to whomever you are with. Make a blasé comment 'ha that's so true,' or 'that's so funny.' You need someone there, backing you up so you don't look like a complete idiot. Don't look at me like I'm the only one.
7. Why I can't stay in on a Saturday night: Megan your not going to miss out on anything, stay home.
8. Summer Heights High: There is no real confusion there at all, but wow it certainly is a funny show, and it finishes tonight. Deserves a mention. "Jona you are banned for the amphitheater" ha is there a reason for living anymore?
9. How singstar is a television show: Enough said. It is ridiculous and I may have watched it. Just once. Australian Idol is pretty much the same. But hey it is 34 steps ahead of dancing with the stars.
10. Joggers and Jeans: I don't care, practicality is no excuse. The same applies to double denim. The 80's are over and just because you are 55 don't think you can get away with it either.
It's science
1. Everyone has at one time in their life looked up song lyrics online or sat reading the lyrics off the album cover, and acted completely innocent when someone asked you 'how the hell do you know all the words?' You might have gotten away with that, IF the song hadn't been released only two days prior. Rookie error.
2. As soon as you're left alone, usually in a public place, you go for your phone. Nope it didn't make a noise and no you don't have any one to message, but you don't want people seeing you sitting alone. So you 'fool' them into thinking you have friends by using your phone.
3. Someone's having a geezer at his or her photos from the night before you have quick look through and then return the camera. The owner of the camera then says, 'how good did blah blah look?' You have no idea. Why is that you ask? Because you only checked yourself out. You went through the entire album and only really took any notice of how you looked. (Which was pretty damn fine I might add).
4. The number of times I've had out loud (sometimes aggressive) conversations with myself whilst driving is getting a little out of hand. I'll even have arguments with people and play their part as well as mine and find myself loosing the argument, and have to remind myself I am in control and that I should clearly be winning. I also have conversation with famous people. They've always got some very interesting things to say.
5. Checking your self out in the shop windows. The worst is when you're looking at your reflection and notice an onlooker laughing at you sizing yourself up. You then pretend you're actually genuinely interested in looking at something in the window. Give it up.
6. Trip over and immediately look around to see if any one has witnessed it. Your next reaction be it laughing or crying or ignoring it will be determined by the reactions of those around you.
7. Girls are the only guilty offenders in this scenario. It's a natural chain of events. Meet a guy, have a chat, have a mini crush, then think how your name will look in front of his surname. Sometimes your quietly disappointed if it doesn't sound any good, and perk up with things like, 'it was never going to work out anyway. If we were to get married, my name would have been Megan Eagan.' Minor detail.
8. Feel unusually awkward when you keep passing the same acquaintance in every isle at the supermarket and you made the idiotic mistake of saying hello in isle one.
9. Write a message to someone, hear nothing for a while and convince yourself your phone might be on silent or think you heard it go off so check it just in case. But the reality is you've got nothing, no love, no friends, no nothing. Other times when you haven't got a message for a day or so, you think your phone could be broken so you switch it on and off just to make sure.
10. Pretended you don't speak English, say mummy and daddy aren't home or come up with some ridiculous excuse to fend off the advances of a Tele marketer. Why do I care if I offend them, they're interrupting me and they're making me feel bad about telling them to stop interrupting me.
its science
Are we hugging or shaking or what? Someone tell me what the deal is here please!
I'm a pretty awkward person when I want to be but a thing that gets me the most is awkward greetings. Do I hug, do I shake, do I give you kiss, high five? No idea.
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Comment by Megan Kennedy
on " This is gold - Santogold! "
Rookie Error
with the wilcanya mob...
fo sho i was
tres impressive stef-juan