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Wow, it's already 2010. It's been over 16 years since I was born, and so much has happened to me. I lost both my parents by 15 years old, I have been molested, I have fought past suicide, and I am still fighting past my self-destructive habits. I have gone from someone who believed in nothing and held no religious views to someone who is the complete opposite. In this last year or so, I have finally begun to realize who I am. It's weird that it took all this time, all this pain, to realize who I am, and I still don't fully know who that person is. I am a girl who has faced the dark, felt the fear, and turned to the light, and embraced the good in the world. I am in a word, a survivor. I was placed in a position where I could have let my situation rule over my life, turn me into a victim, take over my world, but I chose to push past it. I am my own person, and yes I still have my weak moments. I still have moments where I want to die because it would be so much easier. But the point is I am still alive and kicking ass,
Some may be wondering why I wrote this. Attention? Boredom? Lack of a life? Well I wrote this because I can. But I also wrote this because I know there are people out there who have suffered from what I have suffered from and some who have been put through so much more, and I want them to know that they are not alone. If I can make even one person feel like they have a chance in life, then my goal is fulfilled. I just want people to realize that although life is full of pain it is also filled with beauty, love, and joy. Some people may hate me and tell me that I am a goody-two-shoes who is asking for attention, and all I have to say to those of you who think that, I am sorry. It was not my intention to anger you. But I am not sorry for postiong this. Because who knows, someone sitting at home may stumble over this post and feel better. That's all that matters to me. That is all that matters period.
Hope everyone has an AMAZING 2010 and I hope everyone is able to live up to their new years resolution!
I just recently got back from a catholic trip to Steubenville. It had to be one of the most amazing trips of my life. I have never felt so connected to others before, it was truly amazing. I haven't posted anything in a long time. But soon enough I plan on posting a bunch of posts all dedicated to COPS and police survivors. It will range from my experience to what they are all about. So get ready!
Many people don't know that National Police Week begins on May 15. I don't blame you, neither did I! But JFK announced that every May 15, all government buildings that owned/had a flag pole was to lower the flag to half mast. Unfortunately this tradition has been forgotten by many. It is a sign of respect to fallen officers, officers who put their lives on the line to keep us safe. So please, help people become more aware and tell whoever is in charge or that sort of job about it. Do it to honor those who died to protect you, I know I will be doing it for my father.
I need some help.... my dad died in November of 2008. He was the first Shaumburg police officer to die in the line of duty so my entire family knows. What i mean is that when my mom died when i was 5, my mom's side of the family disappeared for 10 years. I thought they were dead! Then at my dad's funeral they showed up and acted like they cared about me!!! I don't know how to take any of this... and I still haven't been adopted even though I am living with my step-mom. I don't want to contact them because they could try to take my brother and I away, basically because they want the money from my Dad, but at the same time I want to know why they abondoned us. Plus on top of that I am dealing with school and my dad's death. If anybody has any advice please share it because I feel like I am losing my mind!
Ok, I am sorry, but I have something to say. FUCK PEDOPHILES!!! I am so fucking tired of having 30 year old men grab my ass! Seriously! I AM ONLY 15!!!! I'm not even remotely attractive!!! What in the bottom most pit of hell even possesses you to do that!!! GOD DAMN!!!! I would seriously like to know what your thought process is when you "get in the zone" because frankly, I can't understand it!
September 16th 2008 17:31
I know a lot of people have made mention of how music is only about three things now a days.
1- Sex
2- Drugs
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I haven't written on here in forever, but to come back and see how many votes I received is amazing. But that's not what I needed to say. What I do need to say is this: I was molested. In one of my earlier osts I wrote about how I liked a boy whose name is Kyle. Well we went out a few times and I really liked him, and I thought that he liked me. Apparently I was wrong. One day, in November of 2007, he called me and begged for me to come to his house for a party. I had told him I couldn't go but he kept begging. I had never had a boyfriend before and I didn't want to lose him, so I begged my dad to let my brother take me. when my brother dropped me off nobody was there. Figuring that I was just early I went inside. Now I wish I had turned back.
Kyle brought me down into the basement, which wasn't unusual because he and I had been down there before and I thought that I could handle myself. Dalton was there, my classmate and his "best frines." At first we just hung out and then went into a small area under the stairs where a few bean bags were. I made sure that I was on the outside so that I could get out if need be. But sometiem while we were sitting down, Kyle and Dalton pushed eachother around and I ended up in the middle, and eventualy on my back. Kyle, my boyfriend at the time, held down my arms while Dalton straddled my waist. I used to wear a sports bra with a hoodie over it. Not as a fashion statement but I don't like my body and the hoodie covered up my stomach better. But it was too hot to put on a shirt underneath, again, now I wish I had.
Dalton shoved his tongue down my throat, literally, while he unzipped my hoodie. Then he basically groped me while grinding on me with his tongue in my mouth. I might have been able to get out faster if they hadn't been so huge and Kyle was on the wrestling team so he was pretty strong. I don't know how many times I said to stop when Dalton removed his nasty-ass tongue from my mouth but the never listened
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NEver really noticed how fast time flies. First of all I want to apologize for not updating in quite a while. I have been extremely busy with school and illnesses in the family. Again my sincerest apologies. But one topic that came to mind about writing about is the whole issue on global warming. I would love to get opinions that you have on the issue. I personally believe that it's happening, but I have friends who believe that it's just a hoax. I want to get both sides thoughts before I write about it, so give me a holla!
Just an FYI, I am not a satanist. I am just me. For all of you out there who don't believe in supernaural beings, get out. If you are extremely religious, get out. But if you are open-minded, not judgemental, and spontanious then welcom. I talk about a lot of realationship related topics so that I can relay the advice to my friemds, and a lot of debate and pesonal interest topics. So if you have a problem with that, too bad. I refuse to change so that I fit your mold of normal. I am me, and I always will be. Thank you, and welcome to my world.
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One more thing: I keep on thinking about the last day of school, if you know what I mean. Well, quote from one of your posts:
Comment by Max Ride
on School
The Devil Made Me
MR Life
Introduction
My Daily Rambles