pieceofmymindLooking Back...
March 20th 2008 01:04
It has been months since my grandmother died; almost a year to be exact. Every time the ninth of the month comes and goes, I feel a sense of guilt if I miss it. All the whining I did about school “way back when” in this blog was stupid; I completed my Associate in Applied Science with honors, and now I am five semesters away from completing my Bachelor’s degree in CIT…probably with honors also. Earning my degree was definitely bittersweet and always will be since my grandmother was my “A Number One” academic fan. She thought I was a genius, and although I consider myself highly intelligent, I often wonder what she saw in me that was so good that she just could not stop talking about me to other people.
I miss her more lately than I have in the recent past. I am not sure why it is happening that way, but it is. Maybe it is simply because more and more little things keep happening that remind me of her. I don’t know, but things are harder now than they have been. I remember not too long before she died, she bought me a set of wine glasses…nothing expensive, just a set of glasses from the dollar store in our area. When she gave them to me, I honestly just thought of them as another gift. I would have rather received money or something like that, at the time. Before she died, over the course of a few months, my children managed to break all but one of them; isn’t it funny how I am holding on dearly to this one last glass? I am telling you…I do everything I can to ensure that this last glass will not be broken. It is funny how the loss of a loved one can significantly bring more value to the things that you received from them before they left you. I even have a box of sweetener from her cabinet, one of the last purchases she made before she died. It is so funny because there are a bunch of packets that have already been opened, emptied, and then the papers have been put back in the box. I asked my mom if she knew anything about this, and she didn’t. It is funny because I think my grandmother did this either without knowing or realizing it, or either she did it on purpose. Either way, I am having a hard time throwing them away.
We will celebrate the anniversary of her death when the year mark comes around on June 9, 2008. We have decided to dress in all white, as we did for the memorial service, and go back to the restaurant we went to that day. I am sure it will be fun to dine with my family…we always have so much fun together. However, no matter what, I still remember like it was yesterday the way she was before she died. I will never forget the last month of her life for as long as I live…and I will never, ever forget the way she looked into my eyes when she started to take her last breaths. I find it so ironic that she became an icon in my life. She took care of me when my mother was too young to be a mother. My grandmother taught me what it means to go to work everyday, get beat up, decide to quit, and then end up back on the clock the next morning to do it all again. She was there when I made my entrance into the world…I was there when she made her exit.
This post is dedicated to the memory of a woman who changed my life forever…in life and in death. I love you granny.
I miss her more lately than I have in the recent past. I am not sure why it is happening that way, but it is. Maybe it is simply because more and more little things keep happening that remind me of her. I don’t know, but things are harder now than they have been. I remember not too long before she died, she bought me a set of wine glasses…nothing expensive, just a set of glasses from the dollar store in our area. When she gave them to me, I honestly just thought of them as another gift. I would have rather received money or something like that, at the time. Before she died, over the course of a few months, my children managed to break all but one of them; isn’t it funny how I am holding on dearly to this one last glass? I am telling you…I do everything I can to ensure that this last glass will not be broken. It is funny how the loss of a loved one can significantly bring more value to the things that you received from them before they left you. I even have a box of sweetener from her cabinet, one of the last purchases she made before she died. It is so funny because there are a bunch of packets that have already been opened, emptied, and then the papers have been put back in the box. I asked my mom if she knew anything about this, and she didn’t. It is funny because I think my grandmother did this either without knowing or realizing it, or either she did it on purpose. Either way, I am having a hard time throwing them away.
We will celebrate the anniversary of her death when the year mark comes around on June 9, 2008. We have decided to dress in all white, as we did for the memorial service, and go back to the restaurant we went to that day. I am sure it will be fun to dine with my family…we always have so much fun together. However, no matter what, I still remember like it was yesterday the way she was before she died. I will never forget the last month of her life for as long as I live…and I will never, ever forget the way she looked into my eyes when she started to take her last breaths. I find it so ironic that she became an icon in my life. She took care of me when my mother was too young to be a mother. My grandmother taught me what it means to go to work everyday, get beat up, decide to quit, and then end up back on the clock the next morning to do it all again. She was there when I made my entrance into the world…I was there when she made her exit.
This post is dedicated to the memory of a woman who changed my life forever…in life and in death. I love you granny.
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