Mandatory Mothers' Day Post
May 10th 2008 19:37
My heart will explode and burst out of my chest if God puts any more love for motherhood into my soul ... (Can you imagine my pulsating, beating heart running down the street, in all its bleeding glory, chasing dogs and going "Woof, woof, doggy." ??? I can.
Maybe I have an imagination as fertile as a nubile young Orbler ripe for the cherry-picking? 2 minute noodles are great for a premature ejaculator like me. Give me a woman with at least some Asian heritage?
St Philip Neri (that seraphic saint of blessed memory and benediction, and one of the funniest Catholic bastards [with a father]) was so enamoured of God and His Holy Mother that he had to take his shirt off frequently because his heart burnt with such an intesnse heat, his body couldn't stand it ... Oh to love God and burn with such an intense heat? Oh, to be consumed in the flames of divine charity and say with Jesus ... "All is consummated." ... "Father, into your hands I commend my spirit." Or to say with St Paul, "I have run my course. Finished my race." God the great saints are just so great. Would that I could meet them at the end of my earthly pilgrimage. Have mercy upon me, my God. I am nothing but another poor sinner, offending you daily, hourly, minutely and momentarily, but look upon the sacrifices and prayers and tears of my mother's life, and have mercy upon me for her sake. For what am I in your sight? Nothing. A blade of grass swept away by the least gust of wind. And I have the audacity and pride to go against your commandments. Have mercy upon me. Miserere mei Deus ... Miserere mei ... [intone ...
Why did you give me such a mind? Why did you give me such a life? Who am I to question you, did I hear you say? ... Accept my tears ... the one's I'm crying now ... the ones that make it hard to see the keyboard ... and just have mercy upon me ... But most of all, have mercy upon me for my mother's sake ... It would break her heart and crush her soul if I was condemned to hell ... She would be the first woman in heaven who wasn't happy ... How could she be happy in heaven if I wasn't there with her ... ???
By the way, I'm sorry for calling you a cunt a few times. (shit that just cracked me up ...
Anyway, I want to talk today about the love I have for my biological mother, not my heavenly mother. (How both of them haven't written me completely off by now, is beyond me ... [but perhaps I don't fully comprehend the depths and breadth and width of God's mercy ... [Well who does?
When I was "on the bones of my arse" as mum likes to say ... and everyone in this life had written me off (as they continue to do ... ???
Well I got to thinking about how I could resurrect my life ... and my mind was drawn to my mother ... I said to myself ... "Self, I said, there is only one woman in this life who won't reject you, and that is your long-suffering mother." ... And so I went back to my mum's place ... And sure enough ... she didn't reject me ...
Mum, I wish you were a bit more computer literate you bitch ... you could read this and get a big smile on your face from me singing your praises ...
sorry about the bitch reference mum ... it was a joke ... let's laugh in heaven together ... and I'll just go to God ... well yes God, I do deserve Hell for all eternity, but my mum got you big time with her suffering ... (Can I now go and hide from your holy face? Whither shall I go? If I descend into hell Tu illic es [you are there] ... If I ascend into heaven? Tu illic es [You are there also ...
The outpourings and rantings and ravings of an insane man ... Amen and Alleluia to madmen and monks?
So, anyway, the reason for this post is this. My mum. She taught me what charity was. In action. Not words.
So today? (And this is in no way meant to reflect on what a good person I am okay? Because I'm a prick of a man. But I did something today my mum would have been proud of ...
It's a pretty simple story, and I'll tell it simply. And you can judge for yourself? As you always do?
Well, it's lonely living by yourself as a separated man. It's hard to cope with thoughts like, 'Why did my ex fall out of love with me and go on a life mission of vengeance and hatred against me, when I only ever did her good?" ...
So anyway, I live like a hermit ... and it occurred to me this morning that it might be a bit healthy for me to go out of the house ... I thought about going to Coles and buying a few things for the bachelor's pad that might be needed ... but as I was approaching Coles, the 350 express bus that heads into the Brisbane CBD was hurtling along. So I got on board, and went into "town" ...
Now, being a guy who has trouble making decisions, I thought I'd just sit at the Pig & Whistle in the Queen St Mall and collect my thoughts ... So I had a beer, and then decided that I would go to Harvey Norman and buy a printer, so I could print out letters to my mum.
On the way to Old Harv's ... (yep, Me and Harvey Norman are on first-name terms? As if?I saw a boong (sorry ...Indigenous aboriginal person ... that was a sick joke okay?) playing a didgeridoo. He was busking. I thought about giving him some money, but went, 'He probably gets three dole cheques?' ... [another joke okay?
There was this man sitting on the concrete flower-bed thingy in the mall watching the didgeridoo playing Australian of the Year 1770, and I just cast a casual glance at this guy. As you do. In a totally non-gay way ladies, okay? It was a matey, blokey look, okay?
Anyway, He looked at me, so I said, 'G'day. How y' goin?' as I say to most people I meet. And he said 'Alright,' as most people who feel shithouse about how life is treating them do.
Anyway, we exhanged a bit of banter (as Orblers do?) and I discover this guy is homeless. He's a fitter & turner by trade but he contracted emphysema and lost his job and ended up on the streets.
Well my mum's prayers cut in, and I could not look upon this man with anything but compassion. I said to him, "That's really sad, man. Tradies are the salt of the earth." Then I said, "Would you like a drink? Cos I'll buy you one, man." And he said, "That would be great." So we left the Australian of the Year to himself and went to the Pig & Whistle. I bought him a pint of VB (and one for myself). And we sat there. And he said, "I've been hanging for a beer." I said. "Well, don't stress man, it won't be your last. When you finish that one, I'll buy you another one. I know the desperation of the streets."
Then he pulled out this pathetic excuse for a tobacco pouch. It was full of dregs. The dregs of life. I had to roll him a decent smoke from my most excellent pouch of White Ox. So we stood and had a smoke together. Then went back to our beers.
We had a bit of a chat about music. He liked Fleetwood Mac. I said, "Most excellent album. One of the greats of all time."
I was thinking. Fuck. I have a place to live. And a spare room. I should offer this guy a bed for the night. Then I started thinking about things like 'Can you trust guys who live on the streets?' ... But rather than go round and round in my mind about it? I just said straight up to him.
"How do you rate yourself on a trust scale, man?" ... He said. "You can trust me." So I did. I left everything I had with me in front of him and said, "I'm going to the CD shop to buy Fleetwood Mac's "Rumours" so we can listen to it tonight." When I came back? He was sitting there placidly watching over my stuff. And I had fucking Stevie Nicks doggy style on my mind.
So I went. Okay man, you're staying at my place. Not living on the streets. "Drink up," I said. "We're catching a cab home. Home man home. A place to sleep with walls and a roof."
He wanted to pick up his possessions (which he'd secreted [hidden] away somewhere, so we got the cabbie to do a drive-by homeless pick up ... then made the cabbie stop at the bottle-O on the way home, And we came to my own private non-Idaho shithole and we sat and drank piss together. And he kept saying, "I really appreciate what you've done for me today man." And I kept saying, "Man, if it wasn't for my mother, I couldn't offer you a God-damn thing."
Mum, I love you. Happy Mothers' Day you epitomy of motherhood. You embody motherhood. You are just so ... well ... you're just so 'Mum' or 'Ma' to me, as you know I am wont to call you ... "Hey Ma." ... You have the most beautiful soul ... It's so innocent ... so pure ... it reduces me to tears when I think about what a sinful life I have led ... Thanks for everything you've done for me ... thanks for bringing me into this wicked world ... giving me a chance to prove myself ... I''m not there yet Ma, but I'm getting there ... slowly ...
I wonder if anyone reads this shit ...
Anyway ... the homeless man is really enjoying sleeping in a bed tonight ... He's a lovely man ... I told him he could stay here as long as he likes ... Why? Cos that's the lesson my mum taught me in life ... Charity is in doing ...
Maybe I have an imagination as fertile as a nubile young Orbler ripe for the cherry-picking? 2 minute noodles are great for a premature ejaculator like me. Give me a woman with at least some Asian heritage?
St Philip Neri (that seraphic saint of blessed memory and benediction, and one of the funniest Catholic bastards [with a father]) was so enamoured of God and His Holy Mother that he had to take his shirt off frequently because his heart burnt with such an intesnse heat, his body couldn't stand it ... Oh to love God and burn with such an intense heat? Oh, to be consumed in the flames of divine charity and say with Jesus ... "All is consummated." ... "Father, into your hands I commend my spirit." Or to say with St Paul, "I have run my course. Finished my race." God the great saints are just so great. Would that I could meet them at the end of my earthly pilgrimage. Have mercy upon me, my God. I am nothing but another poor sinner, offending you daily, hourly, minutely and momentarily, but look upon the sacrifices and prayers and tears of my mother's life, and have mercy upon me for her sake. For what am I in your sight? Nothing. A blade of grass swept away by the least gust of wind. And I have the audacity and pride to go against your commandments. Have mercy upon me. Miserere mei Deus ... Miserere mei ... [intone ...
Why did you give me such a mind? Why did you give me such a life? Who am I to question you, did I hear you say? ... Accept my tears ... the one's I'm crying now ... the ones that make it hard to see the keyboard ... and just have mercy upon me ... But most of all, have mercy upon me for my mother's sake ... It would break her heart and crush her soul if I was condemned to hell ... She would be the first woman in heaven who wasn't happy ... How could she be happy in heaven if I wasn't there with her ... ???
By the way, I'm sorry for calling you a cunt a few times. (shit that just cracked me up ...
Anyway, I want to talk today about the love I have for my biological mother, not my heavenly mother. (How both of them haven't written me completely off by now, is beyond me ... [but perhaps I don't fully comprehend the depths and breadth and width of God's mercy ... [Well who does?
When I was "on the bones of my arse" as mum likes to say ... and everyone in this life had written me off (as they continue to do ... ???
Well I got to thinking about how I could resurrect my life ... and my mind was drawn to my mother ... I said to myself ... "Self, I said, there is only one woman in this life who won't reject you, and that is your long-suffering mother." ... And so I went back to my mum's place ... And sure enough ... she didn't reject me ...
Mum, I wish you were a bit more computer literate you bitch ... you could read this and get a big smile on your face from me singing your praises ...
sorry about the bitch reference mum ... it was a joke ... let's laugh in heaven together ... and I'll just go to God ... well yes God, I do deserve Hell for all eternity, but my mum got you big time with her suffering ... (Can I now go and hide from your holy face? Whither shall I go? If I descend into hell Tu illic es [you are there] ... If I ascend into heaven? Tu illic es [You are there also ...
The outpourings and rantings and ravings of an insane man ... Amen and Alleluia to madmen and monks?
So, anyway, the reason for this post is this. My mum. She taught me what charity was. In action. Not words.
So today? (And this is in no way meant to reflect on what a good person I am okay? Because I'm a prick of a man. But I did something today my mum would have been proud of ...
It's a pretty simple story, and I'll tell it simply. And you can judge for yourself? As you always do?
Well, it's lonely living by yourself as a separated man. It's hard to cope with thoughts like, 'Why did my ex fall out of love with me and go on a life mission of vengeance and hatred against me, when I only ever did her good?" ...
So anyway, I live like a hermit ... and it occurred to me this morning that it might be a bit healthy for me to go out of the house ... I thought about going to Coles and buying a few things for the bachelor's pad that might be needed ... but as I was approaching Coles, the 350 express bus that heads into the Brisbane CBD was hurtling along. So I got on board, and went into "town" ...
Now, being a guy who has trouble making decisions, I thought I'd just sit at the Pig & Whistle in the Queen St Mall and collect my thoughts ... So I had a beer, and then decided that I would go to Harvey Norman and buy a printer, so I could print out letters to my mum.
On the way to Old Harv's ... (yep, Me and Harvey Norman are on first-name terms? As if?I saw a boong (sorry ...Indigenous aboriginal person ... that was a sick joke okay?) playing a didgeridoo. He was busking. I thought about giving him some money, but went, 'He probably gets three dole cheques?' ... [another joke okay?
There was this man sitting on the concrete flower-bed thingy in the mall watching the didgeridoo playing Australian of the Year 1770, and I just cast a casual glance at this guy. As you do. In a totally non-gay way ladies, okay? It was a matey, blokey look, okay?
Anyway, He looked at me, so I said, 'G'day. How y' goin?' as I say to most people I meet. And he said 'Alright,' as most people who feel shithouse about how life is treating them do.
Anyway, we exhanged a bit of banter (as Orblers do?) and I discover this guy is homeless. He's a fitter & turner by trade but he contracted emphysema and lost his job and ended up on the streets.
Well my mum's prayers cut in, and I could not look upon this man with anything but compassion. I said to him, "That's really sad, man. Tradies are the salt of the earth." Then I said, "Would you like a drink? Cos I'll buy you one, man." And he said, "That would be great." So we left the Australian of the Year to himself and went to the Pig & Whistle. I bought him a pint of VB (and one for myself). And we sat there. And he said, "I've been hanging for a beer." I said. "Well, don't stress man, it won't be your last. When you finish that one, I'll buy you another one. I know the desperation of the streets."
Then he pulled out this pathetic excuse for a tobacco pouch. It was full of dregs. The dregs of life. I had to roll him a decent smoke from my most excellent pouch of White Ox. So we stood and had a smoke together. Then went back to our beers.
We had a bit of a chat about music. He liked Fleetwood Mac. I said, "Most excellent album. One of the greats of all time."
I was thinking. Fuck. I have a place to live. And a spare room. I should offer this guy a bed for the night. Then I started thinking about things like 'Can you trust guys who live on the streets?' ... But rather than go round and round in my mind about it? I just said straight up to him.
"How do you rate yourself on a trust scale, man?" ... He said. "You can trust me." So I did. I left everything I had with me in front of him and said, "I'm going to the CD shop to buy Fleetwood Mac's "Rumours" so we can listen to it tonight." When I came back? He was sitting there placidly watching over my stuff. And I had fucking Stevie Nicks doggy style on my mind.
So I went. Okay man, you're staying at my place. Not living on the streets. "Drink up," I said. "We're catching a cab home. Home man home. A place to sleep with walls and a roof."
He wanted to pick up his possessions (which he'd secreted [hidden] away somewhere, so we got the cabbie to do a drive-by homeless pick up ... then made the cabbie stop at the bottle-O on the way home, And we came to my own private non-Idaho shithole and we sat and drank piss together. And he kept saying, "I really appreciate what you've done for me today man." And I kept saying, "Man, if it wasn't for my mother, I couldn't offer you a God-damn thing."
Mum, I love you. Happy Mothers' Day you epitomy of motherhood. You embody motherhood. You are just so ... well ... you're just so 'Mum' or 'Ma' to me, as you know I am wont to call you ... "Hey Ma." ... You have the most beautiful soul ... It's so innocent ... so pure ... it reduces me to tears when I think about what a sinful life I have led ... Thanks for everything you've done for me ... thanks for bringing me into this wicked world ... giving me a chance to prove myself ... I''m not there yet Ma, but I'm getting there ... slowly ...
I wonder if anyone reads this shit ...
Anyway ... the homeless man is really enjoying sleeping in a bed tonight ... He's a lovely man ... I told him he could stay here as long as he likes ... Why? Cos that's the lesson my mum taught me in life ... Charity is in doing ...
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Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
and fantasically written as always. Very enjoyable.
Im interested in how you talk of sins....Werent they enjoyable as they were being committed? I try so hard to get upset about mine, but when I remember them Im having so much fun I just want to go do it all again.
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Every time you respond to my posts? You just make me want to have sex with you, and then go to confession? ...
Forget about my story being awesome ... You're awesome ... you have a spirit to die for ...
You have one of the most lovely souls I've ever encountered in this virtual world .. Your interior? It is prettier than a palace ...
It has staircases to hidden places that very few men will find ...
You are my Mary Madgalena ... You are such a beautiful soul .. full of forgiveness and compassion ... So rare in this modern world ...
May St Francis of Assisi .. the first great lover of nature and all the beasts that inhabit nature ... offer up the pure incense of his prayers to God for your soul ... and may you come to a happy end .. you beautiful soul you ...
St Francis? He was such a great saint. When he got to heaven? God said to him, "Francis my blessed servant ... occupy the seat that Lucifer rejected." Oh yeah, St Francis? He is one powerful saint. Pray one prayer to him? God cannot refuse his prayers.
I prayed to him once to live in poverty. Wish I hadn't at times ... but one moment speaking to him? It's worth more than everything Bill Gates possesses ... St Francis? ... ora pro nobis ...
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Thankyou for linking me to Francis....He and Jude are my favourites...(Jude was my patron at confirmation)
Your words remind me of that scene from Futurama, where Leela says, "This cant be a dream - Ive never been treated so well by my own imagination"
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
The reason St Jude is no neglected and forgotten nowadays (by everyone except old Catholic women with Rosary beads in their wrinkly fingers 24/7? ...
It's all because of Judas Iscariot (the traitor). Poor bastard. People associate the name St Jude with Judas. But St Jude? You can ask him to fix your life, and he'll do it. (It might be why I don't pray to him much? ... I'm too busy trying to enjoy this shitty life. When, O when will I wake up to myself?
As to St Francis of Assisi? Well, I could go on and on about him for eons. He is the first great lover of nature and all that is wild and untamed. He is one of the greatest saints in heaven. According to tradition, he now occupies the seat in heaven that Lucifer (Satan) reneged on. I mean that's saying something to me. Lucifer was God's greatest star before he fell from grace (intone Maryanne Faithful?). And he had the great fight with St Michael the Archangel ... and the bad angels were all cast into hell. (I haven't read St John's Apocalypse for a while, so it's loose quotes, okay?) ...
I read The Fioretti once (The Little Flowers of St Francis) ... [it's a book about the early history or foundation of the Franciscan order ... God I love that book ... All these guys living in extreme poverty and yet getting off on it ...
I'd better stop ... I'll only want to bite your arse? (What on earth is wrong with me? ... I can go from being spiritual to being an animal in an instant ...
Et factus et jumentum apud te? [English translation from King David's most excellent Psalter is = "And I have become a beast before you, Lord."
Yep that's me ... a beast of a man ... A beer-swilling swine-dog ... with his snout in the mire and dregs of life ... but I love the communication with humans ... [okay, women ...
"And my delights were to be with the children of men." ...
I bet you taste nice ... [oops ...
Better go before I get carried away again ... [more?
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Im having fun, David, I get carried away all the time, so its nice to get carried away together...
Fuck. Im such a flirt. Will I ever learn to stop that? Its a power thing darling, dont fall for it. A lesson I learned early is that all men will bend to a womans will.....Particualrly when you learn to play their own nether regions against them. Its backfired so badly in the past you'd think I learned my lesson.
Sometimes I think Im just a mosochist.
Probably why I couldnt get enough of you, even in the beginning?
Never mind you're a chatterbox, and so am I....Oh lordy, imagine it, fueled by beers we could talk for eternity....
There was a franciscan friary that I used to go past all the time, with a nunnery attached. I used to fantasize about being a nun. The quiet, the solitude. It was in a beautiful place, rolling green hills and a lake and the most exquisite stations of the cross I have ever seen....I thought, yeah, that there. Its Heaven. Nothing but peace and prayer. I did used to like religion class. And choir.
Alas though. High school and hormones and the drive to be "cool" squashed that idea. Whenever I go past that nunnery though I still think of that little dream....
Maybe I knew all along, Jude was the guy for me. Everyone thought I was strange, as the girls ALL took girl names. I wanted to be different but Id always felt close to Jude, like he was a cool dude....Fuck slap me (please) Im rhyming again.....
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
I don't mind online flirting ... with you ... I often think about your thrust and grind when I'm masturbating ... I get off on the thought of you faking an orgasm just for me ... (I generally masturbate in front of the mirror ... mainly because I need a hot bod to get me worked up? .... [I am seriously off the planet tonight ... (Do you think anyone gets it? That I'm being facetious? I doubt it ...
But seriously? I'd love to meet you ... It would be a cack ... I'd spit beer all over the place when you said something like "Slap me, David. Spank me hard!" ...
The thing I love about you most (apart from the fact you have woman thingys in all the right places? And would be a great root when you were all sweaty from riding a horse and having your legs spread in a natural way?) is that ... you forgave me ... and we forged a friendship out of that ...
I swear I am insane Kleo ... the shit I write ... the shit that passes through my mind? But as a person? I love you to death baby ... You rock ... If you ever feel like people are getting you down? You just give Father [make that Bishop. No Pope. Holy Father] David a tingle ... and I'll make you feel better about yourself ... (and all I'll be doing is returning the favour ... because you make me feel good inside ... And if other people read this? Well, too bad ... I'm talking to your mind ...
Let's meet one day ... I'd enjoy it ...
But please wear panties ... or I'll see the region I dream about? ...
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I really enjoy pent up sexual tension. I moan and say, "Oh, how do I get myself into these situations" when really, I dug the hole myself, just cos I like bein down in the dark, all dirty....