Man Lessons: Girls
May 31st 2007 18:15
Guys and girls. Confounding, actually. An on-going dance of the proverbial yin and yang. as it were.
Well guys, if you haven’t already figured it out, girls are a real part of the world. Can’t live without ‘em, yadayadayada. And to make things even more confusing, your mother is a girl. Nobody thinks of their mother as a girl. She’s ‘mommy’.
We guys often have such an odd learning curve when it comes to girls. First we love mommy. She, with her fleshy lumps of sustenance, nurturing, and love. Unconditional love, it seems, as evidenced by her ceaseless tending to the even more ceaseless urine and feces. Even in those rare moments when the odor of the oozing baby fudge was so intense that it made your mommy vomit, she would dutifully wipe both yours and her spooge away.
At some point real girls came into the picture. And they had cooties. I don’t know if there is a metaphor here that precurses venereal crabs, but…
Anyway, the girls were a ‘must avoid’. Stinky, winky, icky girls. Eeeeeoooowwww! This phase likely becomes the incubation for later male bonding.
And then, girls take on yet another role for guys. Though it often takes a while for guys to figure this out, at some point there seems to be a kind of crotch-based allergic reaction. To girls.
Swelling and disfigurement, and perhaps a bit of pain.
It may take some time to figure out how to treat the malady. Yet, nearly always, the answer comes. I’m just saying. Cooties at this point have become insignificant relics of a distant past.
I guess it is understandable that guys do not think of their mothers as girls. Sure don’t want mom tending to that allergic swelling that girls cause.
Again, I’m just saying…
deorre
Well guys, if you haven’t already figured it out, girls are a real part of the world. Can’t live without ‘em, yadayadayada. And to make things even more confusing, your mother is a girl. Nobody thinks of their mother as a girl. She’s ‘mommy’.
We guys often have such an odd learning curve when it comes to girls. First we love mommy. She, with her fleshy lumps of sustenance, nurturing, and love. Unconditional love, it seems, as evidenced by her ceaseless tending to the even more ceaseless urine and feces. Even in those rare moments when the odor of the oozing baby fudge was so intense that it made your mommy vomit, she would dutifully wipe both yours and her spooge away.
At some point real girls came into the picture. And they had cooties. I don’t know if there is a metaphor here that precurses venereal crabs, but…
Anyway, the girls were a ‘must avoid’. Stinky, winky, icky girls. Eeeeeoooowwww! This phase likely becomes the incubation for later male bonding.
And then, girls take on yet another role for guys. Though it often takes a while for guys to figure this out, at some point there seems to be a kind of crotch-based allergic reaction. To girls.
Swelling and disfigurement, and perhaps a bit of pain.
It may take some time to figure out how to treat the malady. Yet, nearly always, the answer comes. I’m just saying. Cooties at this point have become insignificant relics of a distant past.
I guess it is understandable that guys do not think of their mothers as girls. Sure don’t want mom tending to that allergic swelling that girls cause.
Again, I’m just saying…
deorre
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