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Friday night's defeat by Gallingwood over the Kangaroos highlighted the lack of definitive direction posessed by the shinboners, not too mention how poorly they are playing. The injury to Brent Harvey is referred to as as relocation elbow by the big fella at the house Andrew The Meaty Roo, he is rumoured to have opined in private to an unnamed source who let it slip to a 3rd party that by the time boomer is fit to play north will be in west sydney or south east Queensland.
Which prompted the Abbott & Costello routine from The Meaty Roo and angle anderson. "Where are north going?" North are going West...but possibly South East" "north are going west maybe south east? what about the kangaroos?" "They have already gone south..but don't say that" "say what?" Anyway not a conversation to be had with coach tourettes, as the expletives that would follow would make an injured player feel possibly warm and wanted.
Meanwhile the hawks are back firing on all cylinders with their win over the "wavy blues", well at least Roughy is, Buddy love is apparently firing up but, it is the amorous style of igniting has his mojo going. Not to worry Fev let him off the hook with his close range dying minutes miss, apparently Setanta the fighting Irish put him off a little with his misinterpreted reminder to Fev of his own 3 quarter time rev up, Fev marshalled the blues and said "let's do it for the big fella upstairs" Setanta took a separate interpratation which he reminded Fev of as he prepared for his final kick, the pious Irishman whispered to Fev "kick this one for god" Fev declined on the grounds that the little voice in his head drove a harder bargain.
The Tigers would gladly have settled for a dying minutes shot at redemption instead they are lining up to be shot, well the arse has fallen out at the Tigers with Richo's buttock, but at least he had a crack and now again Richmond are the butt of all the smartarse remarks. At least 1st pick in the draft in 2009 is reward for bottoming out.
Melbourne's slow development continues and the most optimistic man in footy, Dean Bailey still manages to see positive signs regardless of what happens on the field, a fact not lost his chairman who has taken a page from the coaching manual of deflection and "defended the indefensible in attempt to disguise the unforgivable", Jim Stynes challenged Sam Newman and Jeffrey "Bravo" Kennett to don the whites and umpire, hoping we would not notice that Robbo's impression of I have just won American Idol in reference to his 400th goal, meanwhile the Dees maintained their run of losses over wins, although Robbo is not too sure as he said he was light headed and thought he would faint.
In the immortal words of Sarah Silverman, "what did I learn this week?" that the kangaroos are on their way....somewhere and Fev is more balanced with a chip on his houlder as opposed to a little voice in his head.
Patrick Smith was so wrong to condemn Field Marshall Bakehouse for comparing footy on Anzac day to war, Pat reckons it is disrespectful, well I think if he closely examined the detaills of the day he would see the synergy. Cast your eye over the winner of the Anzac Medal in Patrick Ryder and stands the embodiment of the parallel between footy and war.
Where else but on a footy field can an indigenous Australian lead his comrades by example and deed and be feted for such in the form of the medal, yet know inevitably that when his playing days are over his credibility will hang with his boots, unless of course he puts them back on for a "long walk" ala Michael Long to highlight the plight of the indigenous population. Where else but on a footy field will you see Messers Lovett, Lovett-Murray,Dempsey, Ryder and Jetta linking arms with there caucasian brothers (and ditto for Davis and Co. on the Pies side), as they blast out Advance Australia Fair as they await battle, other than on the actual battlefield. Ask descendants of Reg Saunders the subject of "The embarrassing Australian" by Harry Gordon, an indigenous war hero and veteran of WW II and Korea who was not served in Melbourne Pubs on his return, and despite being the first indigenous NCO in Australian army he was never considered a suitable employee for anything other than menial jobs on his return to civvy life. What would Reg reckon of the chances of Patrick Ryder walking into a coaching job after his playing career like Michael Voss?
Probably just like his own chances, despite what heroics are performed in the trenches, once back in civvys its is assumed he will return to type no doubt. A "progressive" thought process reinforced by Dermie on SEN when he revealed that Hawthorn did not draft Ryder as there "psych" evaluation suggested that he would buddy up with "Lance Franklin" and perpetuate the laziness. Attempts to talk with the Psych evaluer were thwarted by his disappearance, he was last seen in a car with a bumper sticker which inside the map of Australia has the lovely little catch phrase "Fuck off we are Full" on his way to do some work for Pauline Hanson's next attempt at the ballot box.
Alternatively there is the Grunt (Call me controversial) Thomas view on Football and by the Thomas principle Ryder was not such a success as he only beat the newly monikered Josh "dogged it" Fraser. Gallingwood undeterred by the sight of the red herring jumped at the bait and retorted with the illustrious "it takes one to know one" and promptly despatched the vaccine for the Mexican Swine Flu to SEN for Grunt to chow down on, but SEN sent the courier on his way with the "don't you mean Footy Classified's Grunt Thomas?" redirection.
Anyway Patrick where were we? Yes, where else but a footy field would you find a platoon of men poorly directed lacking in appointed leaders and following defeat being reminded of how ineptly they performed by the man who sent them there. Are we talking about 1942 Kokoda and General "I take no blame" Blamey or Field Marshall Bakehouse of Gallingwood grandising over the lack of Anzac spirit.
See what I mean Patrick you can hardly tell them apart.
Greetings from Geneva Mr. Eddie, while attending a little get together of unlike minded nations I had alittle down time when everyone left the room for a while and I read about your trouble with these "yellow maggots" who have been systematically it seems singling your Gallingwood Warriors for prejudiced attention. We freedom fighters of the Islamic Republic of Iran feel your pain as we also are regularly victimised by the malicious nature of the infidels. In our astute humble and modest assessment we see the strong similarities between the war you wage against the umpires and the perennial battle we have with the Zionists.
Why, only last night I merely pointed out what we all in Iran know as true that Israel is a state built on rascism and half the room got up and left which left an empty room, well only half turned up when the heard who was talking, talk about prejudice, as they say in the palyground "takes one to know one" which is why we in Iran are quite comfortable labelling Israel a rascist state. These double standards which your gallant martyrs the ones you call O'Bree and Shaw have recently encountered surely demonstrate to you our kindred spirits as victims of unholy prejudice. I am sure these martyrs will be rewarded with the precious posessions in the next life, with our friends in Palestine the martyrs are promised an hundred virgins in nirvana, I notice you have a special group called your cheer squad, I hope you save some inthe next life for your martyrs.
It has been pointed out to me the striking resemblance between the similarity in behaviour and appearnce between your leader the Malthouse one and myself, when he does those theatrical stares and the rants at the members of your media, (alot like my speech here the other night, aaahh one for the ages) it makes me want to strap a backpack to myself and wander into a centre bounce and detonate myself as one of those "yelllow maggots" bounces, just to show solidarity with your cause, of course if I did that there is the danger that I could be replaced by one of these moderates who are nothing more than western puppets. Of course there is another example of the synergy we share in our struggles, it has not gone unnoticed here that all those people you refer toas the umpires all wear the same colours, this is exactly like the conspiracy of Jewry running the west and conspiring against us.
Now that we have found our commonality we should now strive to assist each others cause, we would be happy to send some martyrs to deal with some of these "maggots", perhaps a Fatwah to be declared on this Geischen and definitely that Adrian Anderson...is he a Zionist? I suspect this another example of the unholy conspiracy against the prophets.
You know in our wonderful country of Iran it is punishable by death if you convert to christianity, it is a quirky little by law we have, which gives us an idea on how to aid your holy war. What if you start that red herring campaign of getting ex players to adjudicate as the umpires, meanwhile we will secretly replace that one called Bartlett with one of our Mullahs who can clandestinely put in another new rule that means any footballer who converts to umpiring is stoned by the cheer squads!
Gallingwood Akhbah!
Pssst.. Do you think that Jeffrey down at Waverley might have middle eastern origins?.. ..He does have very thick hair.....
Your friend in arms
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
TRULY, IT ONLY TAKES A ROUND OR TWO OF FOOTY FOR "THE BOYS TO REVERT TO TYPE"
Andrew Lovett is a dobber andfor those who doubted this fact, it was confirmed by Libba on his "confessional role" on SEN, where he said the game has changed (while dobbing Plugger for calling him a wog and Wayne Campbell for dobbing), because back in Libba's day blokes like Dougie Hawkins who Libba dobbed for splitting his head open before sharing a post match beer, but that was the good old days before SEN and Libba had no frum for dobbing in then dobbers.
Anyway, Andrew Lovett, what kind of self respecting footballer is targeted by the schoolyard bullies of Port Adelaide in acts of unsporting coat hangers threatening behaviour and verbal harrassment does not just accept it like Libba and dob later, I mean take it on the chin, like Port did the following game at Subiaco against the Eagles. Lovett had an ally in Aker who wrote in the Herald that he wished he had told the truth when he went to the tribunal first, while the tribunal like mankind wondered what he was talking about
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It is that time of year again the evenings descend in a brisk and crisp fashion a cold dew greets the pre dawn riser and the Magpies are blaming the umpires again....Footy is bakkk!
It started with an almighty roar at the sold out MCG for the clash of the rivals of old the Blues and the Tiges, the decibels spiraled downward to a supine feline whimper.."like the tigers of old..we will finish up ninth" or as Omni Eddie opined help wanted will be posted in the window at Punt Road by round 4. Of course that was the media performer persona of the artist formally known as the Broady boy purveyor of the last punch, not to be confused with the good of the game Chairman of Collingwoosh.
Whether mischevious in that tab-lied way of his or generating the finger on the pulse stuff material, the irony of inevitable assessment of Seargent Major Bakehouse following any repeats of the round 1 capitulation at home to the charm school from SA will no doubt leave some scribes itching to draw the comparison
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The West Coast Eagles and the AFL are currently enjoying the true benefits of the addage "timing is everything", instead of the Eagles undergoing intense media scrutiny for their "success" in losing the first round of the Naitanui Cup in their loss to Kitcheners Bombers on last Friday night. The Eagles have the AFL`s new Counter Insurgency Ambassador Aker "the Peroxide Oracle" to thank for their tanking effort against the Kitcheners mob going unchallenged in most quarters, you see, when The Peroxide Oracle refers to a topic it ultimately gets dismissed as being kooky by the entire logical world, it is not that The Oracle is wide of the mark, but his uncanny capacity to blurt out hunches (as he did on SEN radio the other day)before any research renders him as footys "boy who cried wolf" or tanking or drug taking or....etc .
The Oracle followed this up by refering to Ben Cousin`s unsubstantiated return to footy next year in his column in todays Herald Sun, similar to his previous thoughts on most things the article is punctuated with The Oracle`s usual honest declaration that he "doesn`t know the full details or the person involved on a personal level" but, that is not going to stop him pontifficating without any hard evidence to support whatever conclusion he draws.
The impact on public conscience is that now any topic "analysed" by The Oracle is dismissed as "Wolf " cries and consequently this then allows the activity to be perpetuated without examination, because if The Oracle says it is so, well it can only be the contrary
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What a strange surreal week it has been in footy. Mark Harvey, the Fremantle Coach assures us in his post match press conference, (or post mortem as they like to refer them in `Trio) that beware of `Trio as they are dangerous. On the surface what Harvey says is almost innane, cosidering `Trio have now added being in front at quarter time and losing as part of their fear factor, in addition to the fact that they have blown more three quarter time leads than Sam Newman has had bad public relations moments. Ignoring the blown three quarter time leads, the ill discipline of key players, the poor clutch kicking of Matthew "I can`t carry this mob anymore" Pavlich, that the team are a basket case, and possibly now the Coach can fall under that description. Perhaps all these factors suggest that `Trio are such a threat to themselves that conversely in some surreal `Trio/Harvey logic, that they subsequenty pose a threat to others, notably North Melbourne who get the bye this week and are off to Subiaco for some R&R. Sure it`s hard to follow, but it was Surreal week, imagine how the journos at the press conference at the Gabba felt as Harvey pleaded to be accepted as dangerous, you could feel the cringing in their pens as they wrote.
It gets better, in the surreal sense of course, down at Punt Road Terry Wallace reckons that Richmond are too emotional, and Matthew Richardson particularly so, because of carrying a sore knee, how about Richo`s emotion stems from the Tigers are more house tabby than feline of the Savannah, and poor old Richo has had it with another Coach who can`t get a game plan to work consistently or teammates who either can`t get the footy to him on time or just can`t get it to him efficiently.
Richo`s old comrade down at the Bombers Matthew Kitchener, reckons everyone is too emotional in expecting Matthew Lloyd to kick bags of goals on a weekly basis. Last Saturday at the other end Buddy kicks 9 against the Bombers and adds to his weekly tally of bags. Of course unlike Lloydy Buddy is getting the ball from a team with a game plan, and no one knows the value of a game plan better than Kitchener, as he clearly would love one that lasts for four quarters
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The hawks faithful are queueing up outside Waverley to tear up and hand in there memberships as the sharapnel and fallout from "Buddygate" descends. It turns out the Footy Show Boyz are on to something, (well Buddy doesn`t appear regularly, so we can assume he is not appropriate for their pitch at the fairer sex). As the dust settles it turns out Buddy is not a sexist misogynist with the tact of a TV star, he might just be a talented footballer with the capacity to attract social attention and add into the mix he is probably a big kid.
Anyway the last thing footy needs is another tolerant non misogynist non sexist mild mannered young man.
Conversely, there is the suggestion that he had mistaken the nightclub in the city for a mexican restaurant, and was under the impression that the two ladies who alleged he verbally abused them, were waitresse`s and Buddy merely tried to order two servings of enchiladas with that mexican staple, and Buddy`s favourite, the mole sauce, now how a young man ordering "2 moles" can be construed as abusive is beyond me
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