Low Day
December 23rd 2006 22:52
Feeling..
out of control both mentally and physically is a scary fucking thing! Thinking thoughts you shouldnt be thinking picturing images you shouldnt be seeing! Feeling as thought your body is about to take control of itself and do as it pleases, switch off the mind and run free.
Everytime you move you feel as though there are bubbles in your veins giving you the tickling airy feel, that youd feel while havin a bubble bath the bubbles tickling your skin. Your bodies about to take off into flight..
Feeling the urge to laugh smile cry frown figit an punch shit al at the same time, wanting to hide but be seen by the world. Time goes slow but not slow enough.
I lay on the floor with a blanket covering me from head to toe wrapped up tight my curtains draped shut my door locked. All I do to move is flick an elastic band on my wrist diverting all my attention to that pain dont think about anything but that flicking! But it soon turns numb shit now I have to divert again. Too late!
I cant breath due to the volume of the music it feels like its suffocating me, the volume of the music makes my body shake and feel edgy, but the vibrations running along tha floor into my chest make it impossible to feel how hard and fast my heart is hammering into my chest.
cant breathe cant move but i want to i feel if i move even a little ill do something silly. I cant stop thinking I want the traffic light in my head to malfuntion and turn red for an hour 10 minutes atleast would be releif!
I feel suffoated in this sound wave, turn off the music and breath easy but that wld mean to suffer this hammerin heart beat and feeling it is about to explode, just STOP!
Pinching my throat Im going into attack mode Ive lost control of my thinking and feeling Im hyperventilating Im izzy.. the music stops!
Tears well in my eyes but they wont release My minds so shattered I pinch my arm to make sure Im real i huts and makes me angry and frustrated.
On my way to get water my heart flutters and escalates once more I forgot about that.. I feel like im in a dream My onciouse stat feels as though its running into my dream state..
I cant remember if my dreams were something that really happened or if that something that happened was actually a dream?
Its scarey water trickles down my lips and I shiver and bolt back to my room.. under the blanket.
The bubbles are back again Only this time its joined with the sensation that I have a hole in my head and there is wind whistling through it.
I want to escape this place I not longer want to feel what its like not to feel. I want to feel again. be real again exist dream without evil eat without purging breath freely think only of good times sit still without feeling like im about to ''fall over the edge''..
Walks the streets in a calm state.. just wangt to live be free from this shit that goes by the name of 'it'..
I dont know what 'it' is besides a creation of my own mind, making me just realise now that I invented it, I can and WILL control it!
No more of these low times, Im not gunna fall through tha gaps anymore.
out of control both mentally and physically is a scary fucking thing! Thinking thoughts you shouldnt be thinking picturing images you shouldnt be seeing! Feeling as thought your body is about to take control of itself and do as it pleases, switch off the mind and run free.
Everytime you move you feel as though there are bubbles in your veins giving you the tickling airy feel, that youd feel while havin a bubble bath the bubbles tickling your skin. Your bodies about to take off into flight..
Feeling the urge to laugh smile cry frown figit an punch shit al at the same time, wanting to hide but be seen by the world. Time goes slow but not slow enough.
I cant breath due to the volume of the music it feels like its suffocating me, the volume of the music makes my body shake and feel edgy, but the vibrations running along tha floor into my chest make it impossible to feel how hard and fast my heart is hammering into my chest.
cant breathe cant move but i want to i feel if i move even a little ill do something silly. I cant stop thinking I want the traffic light in my head to malfuntion and turn red for an hour 10 minutes atleast would be releif!
I feel suffoated in this sound wave, turn off the music and breath easy but that wld mean to suffer this hammerin heart beat and feeling it is about to explode, just STOP!
Pinching my throat Im going into attack mode Ive lost control of my thinking and feeling Im hyperventilating Im izzy.. the music stops!
On my way to get water my heart flutters and escalates once more I forgot about that.. I feel like im in a dream My onciouse stat feels as though its running into my dream state..
I cant remember if my dreams were something that really happened or if that something that happened was actually a dream?
Its scarey water trickles down my lips and I shiver and bolt back to my room.. under the blanket.
The bubbles are back again Only this time its joined with the sensation that I have a hole in my head and there is wind whistling through it.
I want to escape this place I not longer want to feel what its like not to feel. I want to feel again. be real again exist dream without evil eat without purging breath freely think only of good times sit still without feeling like im about to ''fall over the edge''..
Walks the streets in a calm state.. just wangt to live be free from this shit that goes by the name of 'it'..
I dont know what 'it' is besides a creation of my own mind, making me just realise now that I invented it, I can and WILL control it!
No more of these low times, Im not gunna fall through tha gaps anymore.
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Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
This is a beautiful entry, I'm glad I managed to come by your blog. You haven't posted in a long time? Where are your other posts?
There are several moments where I've thought what you've written, felt what you've typed, but have never managed to express it in my own way.
I like your last line very much.
Check out my blog some time. Although we write about different things, I get the feeling that we're writing about the same things, which doesn't really make sense, but oh well.
Merry Christmas, and I hope your tomorrow is a high day.