lost
October 23rd 2007 02:53
lost
I thought I had you until I lost you and then realised I never ever, ever had you at all.
I felt you loved me, thought of me, cherished me until you showed me,
my truth wasn’t the truth at all.
You’ve shown me a face I cannot understand,
one that speaks contempt and loathing with ease.
A spirit of meaness, an attitude of hate that I stupidly ignored through
fear of my own failure.
I feel stabbed through my heart when I think of our past,
the smallness and innocence of you.
The precious baby I held in my arms, so special because she was ours.
That fate or the gods, who in infinite mercy delivered to me a gift
so exquisite it seared by heart indelibly forever with love.
I know you must grow up but did not see this coming.
I, always the eternal optimist believed you would come through
and we would become friends as you matured and now I know
for you growing up means turning your back on the one who loved you the most.
My tears are falling harder now because I know they make no difference to you.
You’ve hardened your heart, to what,
make it easier to do all the things you’ve been taught to be wrong.
To make light of the values we hold so dear,
to mock them and throw them down,
trampled and ruined in the dawning of your new found freedom.
I wish I could hate you, it would be easier to bear
than this long drawn out unravelling of our relationship.
I feel compelled like the moth to the flame to keep beating my wings,
trying to get close to that which will burn and destroy me forever.
But, in the end, I know it to be all in vain.
Whether I suffer or whether I prosper is of no consequence to this person
you have become for you have become lost to me in all ways that matter.
Changes in your life are taking over, moulding and shaping you,
leaving no space in your life for what was,
the simple and pure love of a mother for her child.
I am alone now and utterly and desperately…….lost.
I thought I had you until I lost you and then realised I never ever, ever had you at all.
I felt you loved me, thought of me, cherished me until you showed me,
my truth wasn’t the truth at all.
You’ve shown me a face I cannot understand,
one that speaks contempt and loathing with ease.
A spirit of meaness, an attitude of hate that I stupidly ignored through
fear of my own failure.
I feel stabbed through my heart when I think of our past,
the smallness and innocence of you.
That fate or the gods, who in infinite mercy delivered to me a gift
so exquisite it seared by heart indelibly forever with love.
I know you must grow up but did not see this coming.
I, always the eternal optimist believed you would come through
and we would become friends as you matured and now I know
for you growing up means turning your back on the one who loved you the most.
My tears are falling harder now because I know they make no difference to you.
You’ve hardened your heart, to what,
make it easier to do all the things you’ve been taught to be wrong.
To make light of the values we hold so dear,
to mock them and throw them down,
trampled and ruined in the dawning of your new found freedom.
I wish I could hate you, it would be easier to bear
than this long drawn out unravelling of our relationship.
I feel compelled like the moth to the flame to keep beating my wings,
trying to get close to that which will burn and destroy me forever.
But, in the end, I know it to be all in vain.
you have become for you have become lost to me in all ways that matter.
Changes in your life are taking over, moulding and shaping you,
leaving no space in your life for what was,
the simple and pure love of a mother for her child.
I am alone now and utterly and desperately…….lost.
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