Long Web
October 20th 2008 04:52
How the hell are ya?
I know you're out there.
Somewhere.
And Ive got a lot to say to you. To be fair, your not the only one. But you, specifically, need to be adressed.
Do you miss me?
I dont want to miss you. But I do. Pain and terror and betrayal - all that I deserve, you served it up to me, again and again, my punishment. How good it felt, to be treated like less than dirt. How wrong it seems now to be treated like a princess or a queen. No.....Im just a troll. I deserve you hanging on to my hair and dragging me around, your hard knuckles and screaming words.
Its funny, cos you wanted so bad to degrade me. I just never showed you. But I was. Im still goddamn fucked up because of you. So you won, all along. How good that would make you feel. Id like to see it, the lightness of your smile, as you realize just how well your plan worked.
Just before I put my knife through your chest. Yeah.
I need to get off.....Cant get blown until my man comes home. He's onto me. Im a pot hound. I'll find it, no matter where it is....I could dry out some resin. That could be good for a few hours entertainment.
Dangerous....So dangerous, these thoughts. And I always knew I was this sort of person. Who could get handed all the good things but turn around and say...."Nah. I'd rather have the danger" and here we are. Chased so hard for that good bit of normality I never realized I dont want it. Now I have something women would kill for and I sit here and contemplate throwing it all away...
But the rules, they are a changin. My man said last night - If someone pays for a hooker for you, is it cheating? I simply answered, do you want it to be? It doesnt have to be. Working girls gotta make herself a dollar doesnt she? If she's paid for, I see no reason why my guy shouldnt partake. And that hooker will have a hell of a time. And that opens up other avenues for me see....Once the rules have changed. What a bitch.
But you cant whinge and complain when you get everything you ask for - even if it turns out you dont want it.
I know you're out there.
Somewhere.
And Ive got a lot to say to you. To be fair, your not the only one. But you, specifically, need to be adressed.
Do you miss me?
I dont want to miss you. But I do. Pain and terror and betrayal - all that I deserve, you served it up to me, again and again, my punishment. How good it felt, to be treated like less than dirt. How wrong it seems now to be treated like a princess or a queen. No.....Im just a troll. I deserve you hanging on to my hair and dragging me around, your hard knuckles and screaming words.
Its funny, cos you wanted so bad to degrade me. I just never showed you. But I was. Im still goddamn fucked up because of you. So you won, all along. How good that would make you feel. Id like to see it, the lightness of your smile, as you realize just how well your plan worked.
Just before I put my knife through your chest. Yeah.
I need to get off.....Cant get blown until my man comes home. He's onto me. Im a pot hound. I'll find it, no matter where it is....I could dry out some resin. That could be good for a few hours entertainment.
Dangerous....So dangerous, these thoughts. And I always knew I was this sort of person. Who could get handed all the good things but turn around and say...."Nah. I'd rather have the danger" and here we are. Chased so hard for that good bit of normality I never realized I dont want it. Now I have something women would kill for and I sit here and contemplate throwing it all away...
But the rules, they are a changin. My man said last night - If someone pays for a hooker for you, is it cheating? I simply answered, do you want it to be? It doesnt have to be. Working girls gotta make herself a dollar doesnt she? If she's paid for, I see no reason why my guy shouldnt partake. And that hooker will have a hell of a time. And that opens up other avenues for me see....Once the rules have changed. What a bitch.
But you cant whinge and complain when you get everything you ask for - even if it turns out you dont want it.
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