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LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED - by vizza

bitch session anyone?!

January 20th 2007 11:04

Yesterday I felt out of control again. And I havent felt that way for quite sometime. Im getting lost in my own thoughts again, FUCK!
Im thinking, Im pretty sick of how people think other people should act.
No HOW I SHOULD ACT!
Im not your typical girl I guess. Call me what you like see me how you may see me I am me and I wont change for any soul on this earth take me as I am or fuck off!
I say the word cunt, I say the word fuck, I use them out of context, I call people those names, I use them daily, hourly. So what! They are words.
I walk around in bare feet and get grubby feet I get dirt halfway up my legs to my knees and Ill walk into a shop and order food. So what, its just dirt!

I dont brush my hair for 3-4 maybe 5 days straight and will go out like this yes GO OUT TO DINNER, so what! Its just messy fucking hair!
I paint walls, usually until 4am in the morning and come home with paint stained clothing, so what! Im not harming anyone! Call me a fuckin derro bitch if you must but its better than killing my braincells in a club listening to repetative techno beats!
I rather spend a night with a bunch of so called ''grimey cunts'' than a pack of tight ass pant wearin cockatoo hairstyled men, the conversations held with the ''grimeys'' are much more entertaining unique and down to earth. I dont have to sit there like a prissy bitch being judged on how manacured my nails are how pretty and permed my hair is and stress that they may find out my outfit only cost $50 compared to theire $300 dollar armani piece of shit threads!
Id rather sit at the beach chattin to someone for hours eating fish and chips than going to a classy resteraunt paying 12 bucks for a aoli [chips with prissy dip]!
I just plain dont give a fuck what people think of me, and I think its rare that anyone in todays society truelly feels that way! You have the kids who swear on their life they dont give a shit what anyone thinks or how they dress yet they post pointless, effortless fuckin STUPID blogs on the internet bitchin about how some cunt gave them shit for how they had dressed that day!

Jump off a cliff I swear! Fuckin drop the judgmental sides of yourselves and accept people as they are, this is a pointless blog I must admit because Im expecting someone to have a smart ass comeback! I dont like to categories and I certaintly dont like to be put in one. Those of you who see me as some high maintanance high class suave bitch who can do better than the current person she is with, move on! I dont need that shit!
Im obviously with that person because they accept me for me and make me happy, I dont date people so they look good by my side I date people who respect me and WANT to be with me for my true self not because I look good or dress in the right threads!
Same goes with my friendsI dont care what lifestyle you come from im by your side as long as your by mine I dont pass judgment do as you may say what you will ill respect you until the day you stop respecting me.
I go for people by their personalilty not by the way they dress how they have there hair or theyre overall appearance. I dont give 2 shits if your a junki on the block beggin for change if you have the simple mind to come up to me and have a conversation and respect me then 50, 000 brownie points motherfucker Id like to meet you there needs to be more of you in the world.
Its easy for people to say they would do this but 99% of you wouldnt, fuckin start living by your words. Im sick of this say dont do attitude. This new craze where cunts hide behind their computer screens and be something they arent. Its easy to be whoever you want on the internet and pull any shit out of your ass but heres some information what I say is real what I say is the truth what you are reading is the real me.


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content?

January 20th 2007 03:21
Im feeling calm today, content, relaxed, happy!
Things seem to be going right for now. I dont want to jinks anything!
Things feel good in general. Besides the fact I gave into a temptation today. It just means Ill punish myself for the rest of the day, the usual.
Im happy I have realised who my true friends are, and who I can rely on talk to delve into deep conversations with and be simply comfortable with.
I wasnt expecting this to happen any time soon or at all. I thought I was the kind of human being who was meant to be destined to live a life trusting only myself and my mother!
I wouldnt be here if it werent for my mother. Fuck she is one of a kind such a beautiful soul put on this earth, my soul mate I believe. Truely beautiful inside and out. She has supported me through so much she is my support. My only strong support I can lean on when shit gets rough, and I am hers. I love her more than anything else in this world.
I feel so blessed to be given such a beautiful person in my life, I wonder how my life would have been if I werent given such a precious mother.
But now I have found support in friends. Freinds I never thought could give me such a warm feeling. Nowhere near like my mum, but enough to get me through.
Ive never really relied on people before, or sought out help from others, I always advise myself and talk myself through fucked situations or problems. But Im finding myself opening up more and more, only to those ofcourse that I feel I can commute with on the same level.
this is unfinished.. i cnt be fucked writing the rest.. stay tuned
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I dont fit in

January 1st 2007 05:14
I dont fit into this world.. maybe this isnt my era. Maybe I was supposed to be born earlier or later I dont know.
I just want to meet ONE single soul, just one, whome I can relate to, connect with, adore, cherish care for and nurture even love and have it reciporcated.
I get alot of attention, yes! But its not the attention I want. I want someone I can do anything with, be whoever I want to be, say what I please and do as I feel. With no judgment.
I want someone who can sit in an empty room with me for hours on end and laugh and talk and share silence with me until we fall asleep content with how we feel.
I want someone I can be affectionate with, without the sexual tendencies.
I want to be appreciated. I want to be wanted to be around.
Im a happy person on the outside, but on the inside Im crying for someone! Someone I dont know who! Im craving to feel the aura of another human being who understands me. Who knows me without me having to utter a word. Who can just look at me and know we are soul mates. I want someone who will hold my hand and give me warmth. Thore out this iceyness that has spread itself within my walls and release me so that I can be me again.
People say they understand, they dont! People say they are there for me they care for me they adore and love me. They are empty words, when it comes down to it they arent there for me at all.
I put too much into everyone even those I dont know it is just who I am, I do this with the knowledge that I will get nothing in return. For whicih I dont care because Im kind to others, yet in time it soon makes me feel like Im just another face with reassuring words to help them through their day.
Who will help me through mine?
All I want is someone.
All I want is a friend.
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Society

December 31st 2006 00:25
People give me the shits..
Im going to escape to a far away land and create my own society. I am fed up with the people and bullshit they carry. I hate it occupies my mind so much, Im to kind which I think makes people believe they can stand all over me, they are very wrong!
I fweel quite lonely, I dont feel I relate to anyone anymore, I dont fit in nor do I want to considering what others seem to be into these days.

[ Click here to read more ]
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I dont understand

December 31st 2006 00:04
I dont understand how you know when your in love with someone?
Im not sure if I have ever been in love. People I know seem to 'fall in love' after a month or two together these days.
R, my ex boyfriend fell for me after a month, and told me he loved me pretty much straight away, but I dont know if what I felt back was the same thing.

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I WISH..

December 27th 2006 06:47
I wish..

that I owned a magic wand. Everything in the world would be perfect, even though perfection doesn't exist in this world. So therefor I'd invent it, but then again, Id miss imperfection, as imperfection is what to me, makes things look beautiful.
[ Click here to read more ]
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Low Day

December 23rd 2006 22:52
Feeling..

out of control both mentally and physically is a scary fucking thing! Thinking thoughts you shouldnt be thinking picturing images you shouldnt be seeing! Feeling as thought your body is about to take control of itself and do as it pleases, switch off the mind and run free.
[ Click here to read more ]
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