Listening
April 10th 2010 04:41
I spent some time with a friend the other day. She called me out of the blue and wanted to have lunch, said she was having time off work to get some space for herself. I understood. She had some issues and wanted a sounding board. I don't give advice when a person has personal problems; it's not my right to do that; but I can listen.
I read recently about listening, wihout having or forming an opinion. There isn't any right or wrong in life, just stuff people have to deal with as best they can. The Christian "Bible" contained a fundamental truth with the sentence: 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.' Community stoning of human beings is still an acceptable punishment in some countries.
The person whose writings I was reading is a contemporary prophet and said
it's all about "Just accepting the person and listening to what that individual has to say. And when it's all out, the show is over."
He was talking about how a person has a certain number of words they need to express when they have troubles and most of the time, all they need is someone else to hear them. The writer's name is Harold Klemp. You can google him if you're interested.
Part of my work involves me interacting with parents and their kids. I have to ask questions, listen and write reports. No, I am not a social worker. It is important that I am detached and take each family on its own merits. It can be a very interesing job.
I have been thinking about what we do as parents as we raise our children, what's the point of it all.
Are we merely fulfilling the urge to procreate and keep the world populated? Are we trying to turn out little 'Mini Mes' to ensure our genetic code and values are perpetuated? Are we breeding good little citizens to keep the nation operating in the age old traditions? Does our religion make breeding rules for us to follow to ensure the spiritual doctrines continue with each generation? Did we just foget to use birth control? Who knows, all of the above and more probably.
What gifts do we give our children? Protection, love, succour are some of the most basic. What do we need to teach them? Ah well, that's a bigger question and can relate to the afore mentioned reasons in a big way.
I think it's quite fundamental really. How can a parent ensure its offspring will survive in a challenging world? Teach them responsibility and love. Teach them to think before they act, and to be aware that for every action a person takes there will be many reactions, and you can't always anticipate what they are. Not to be afraid to act, far from it in fact. Be bold and courageous but go out into the world with knowledge and respect for yourself and everyone else in it.
That same person who I quoted from before has also said that before you make a decision or act in some way, think about three things. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If you can't say yes to all three, ask yourself why you are doing it at all. I wish I had known that when I was 17.
Maybe most important of all, for us as parents, is to model how to behave because our young loved ones take in far more of what they see in our behaviour than we can know. There are times to talk to them and times to listen to them, and times to trust them and let them go. They are going to fall down. You can help pick them up, or hang back to see how they pick themself up. Then stop holding your breath, give a sigh of relief and congratulate yourself for being a good parent.
I listen a lot to my daughters. I don't offer advice. I may suggest a few options if they ask but the choice always belongs to them. I let them know I love them unconditionally all the time. I gave them the opportunity to become the special people they are meant to be. My children were gifts from God to me, to love and nurture until they were ready to go live their own lives.
I do believe it is quite fundamental. But I don't think it is easy. But what is the point of going on a life journey if it's always easy? How did you become who you are? Was your life easy? When did you need someone just to listen to you?
I read recently about listening, wihout having or forming an opinion. There isn't any right or wrong in life, just stuff people have to deal with as best they can. The Christian "Bible" contained a fundamental truth with the sentence: 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.' Community stoning of human beings is still an acceptable punishment in some countries.
The person whose writings I was reading is a contemporary prophet and said
it's all about "Just accepting the person and listening to what that individual has to say. And when it's all out, the show is over."
He was talking about how a person has a certain number of words they need to express when they have troubles and most of the time, all they need is someone else to hear them. The writer's name is Harold Klemp. You can google him if you're interested.
Part of my work involves me interacting with parents and their kids. I have to ask questions, listen and write reports. No, I am not a social worker. It is important that I am detached and take each family on its own merits. It can be a very interesing job.
I have been thinking about what we do as parents as we raise our children, what's the point of it all.
Are we merely fulfilling the urge to procreate and keep the world populated? Are we trying to turn out little 'Mini Mes' to ensure our genetic code and values are perpetuated? Are we breeding good little citizens to keep the nation operating in the age old traditions? Does our religion make breeding rules for us to follow to ensure the spiritual doctrines continue with each generation? Did we just foget to use birth control? Who knows, all of the above and more probably.
What gifts do we give our children? Protection, love, succour are some of the most basic. What do we need to teach them? Ah well, that's a bigger question and can relate to the afore mentioned reasons in a big way.
I think it's quite fundamental really. How can a parent ensure its offspring will survive in a challenging world? Teach them responsibility and love. Teach them to think before they act, and to be aware that for every action a person takes there will be many reactions, and you can't always anticipate what they are. Not to be afraid to act, far from it in fact. Be bold and courageous but go out into the world with knowledge and respect for yourself and everyone else in it.
That same person who I quoted from before has also said that before you make a decision or act in some way, think about three things. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If you can't say yes to all three, ask yourself why you are doing it at all. I wish I had known that when I was 17.
Maybe most important of all, for us as parents, is to model how to behave because our young loved ones take in far more of what they see in our behaviour than we can know. There are times to talk to them and times to listen to them, and times to trust them and let them go. They are going to fall down. You can help pick them up, or hang back to see how they pick themself up. Then stop holding your breath, give a sigh of relief and congratulate yourself for being a good parent.
I listen a lot to my daughters. I don't offer advice. I may suggest a few options if they ask but the choice always belongs to them. I let them know I love them unconditionally all the time. I gave them the opportunity to become the special people they are meant to be. My children were gifts from God to me, to love and nurture until they were ready to go live their own lives.
I do believe it is quite fundamental. But I don't think it is easy. But what is the point of going on a life journey if it's always easy? How did you become who you are? Was your life easy? When did you need someone just to listen to you?
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