Rockhampton , Queensland, AUSTRALIA
Joined April 30th 2010
Recent PostsBlogging American MOVING!April 2nd 2011 01:01
Hey all, I've moved my blog over to Wordpress.com. It's under the name 'Yank In Oz' since that is what my original column is called. Seem to have a better go of things there. Come visit and subscribe. First 100 subscribers get a toast in my first vlog.
 When Rednecks Dine Out (#2)March 22nd 2011 08:02
So anyway, we were all sitting down to dinner and I realized (as I did at the posh restaurant my husband and I visited) that there were two sets of cutlery. And since I had too much of a life to actually research this topic since my first encounter with it, I still had no idea what was what. Then came the dilemma; they served a kebab. Now, I’ve never rolled in high society but I’m pretty sure kebabs they aren’t on Gordon Ramsey’s menu. And since they are essentially chunks of meat on a really big toothpick, I picked it up and began to eat. Upon seeing this, others at the table gave a combined sigh of relief that someone had done it first and picked up theirs as well. Now I’m normally not one to just shuck convention, but I came to the conclusion that it looked sillier to try and cut the meat off the stick than to eat with my hands. So that began a conversation, at the table, about what is proper, which fork to use first and so on; and the general consensus was that although some knew what was right and some didn’t, no one really cared. Which brings me to my next point; the rule about holding a wine glass by the stem and not the ‘bowl’ as it’s referred to. I’ve been told that when you hold it by the bowl, the heat from your hand can affect the flavour of the wine. I understand this if you are perhaps in Bordeaux, France sipping on a $200 dollar bottle of la France’s best, but if you bought the bottle with a twenty note or poured it from a bladder, I may just slap you if you hold it by the stem. I’d like to think that one day I’ll be so rich that when I hold a wine glass by the bowl, instead of people saying, “Oh, isn’t she uncultured,” they’ll say, “Oh, isn’t she rebellious.” image credit: vandamonium.wordpress.com
George Bush and other things that make you go ick.March 19th 2011 02:09
But there are a few of God’s creations that are guaranteed to meet the business end of a shoe or whatever spray bottle I can get my hands on – if they have the audacity to roam across my path. Coming in at the bottom of the list is flies. Annoying? Yes. Gross, double yes. Hi! I’m Mortein, have we met? Next come mosquitos. Between sprays, lotions, plug-ins and palms, these guys have about a snowball’s chance in ‘you know where’ of ever getting a taste of the old Donovan blood. Second from the top are those sneaky, nuclear-fall-out-resistant, “run across your hand while you’re reaching for a glass of water in the middle of the night and make you scream so horribly your husband thinks someone’s broken in” creatures…cockroaches. I hate these things so much, once when I was around nine months pregnant with my second child, I was on all fours chasing one with a thong when it turned and ran directly at me. Somehow, I got all four limbs, plus huge pregnant belly, off the floor at one time, as it ran underneath me. And at the very top of the list, taking the crown and the sash are ticks. I’m pretty sure that if reincarnation is a possibility, murderers and politicians come back as them. I can see it now, “Hey, your dog has a George Bush on him.” When one of my dogs recently got loose and came back with somewhere in the neighbourhood of a gazillion ticks – give or take a few – I honestly contemplated just getting rid of the dog, Soprano style. But a friend of mine, who I am now indebted to for life, helped me clean him up and dip him and life was good again. Well, until the hubby opened the fence and the dog promptly took off again. I’m going to miss that dog…if you know what I mean.
Can I lay-by my new eyeglasses?December 15th 2010 03:44
So while I was out shopping the other day, I decided to stop and get an idea of how much it would cost me to get an eye exam and new specs. After perusing the multitude of frames on the wall a woman approached and asked if I needed help
Politics, schmolotics.November 22nd 2010 01:48
I was too young in the Nixon through the Reagan years to care or vote, and then came George Bush Sr. Need I say more? And don’t even get me started on Clinton. I found it very hard to respect a guy that not only was married at the time it happened, but couldn’t find the gumption to keep his pants fastened while he held the most important job in the country. Four years Bill, that’s all we asked for. Run our country and leave the interns alone
Umm, honey...thanks for the blender...grumble, grumble.October 22nd 2010 02:46
Am I writer? Sure. Am I a columnist? Of course. But I think the definition of what I do extends beyond such simple explanations. Sometimes, I’m an educator; helping people understand how best not to tick me off. Other times, I’m a comedian; finding humour in parts of life that otherwise might tick me off
Next event in the Commonwealth Games, Wheely Bin Racing!October 18th 2010 01:10
Now, I’m not exactly a huge sports fan. I’ll watch the occasional rugby game, I like to play volleyball and I’ve been known to whoop a few butts at Snakes and Ladders, but that’s about as far as it goes
The anger-eating demonOctober 10th 2010 04:30
 But as it often happens with successful people, he became rather overbearing and one day when feeling bored he thought: "Shouldn't I try it with the gods?" On reflection he chose the Heaven of the Thirty-three Deities, ruled by Sakka, Lord of Gods. He knew that only a few of these gods had entirely eliminated the fetters of ill-will and aversion, though they were far above petty and selfish quarrels. So by magic power he transferred himself to that heavenly realm and was lucky enough to come at a time when Sakka the Divine King was absent. There was none in the large audience hall and without much ado the demon seated himself on Sakka's empty throne, waiting quietly for things to happen, which he hoped would bring him a good feed. Soon some of the gods came to the hall and first they could hardly believe their own divine eyes when they saw that ugly demon sitting on the throne, squat and grinning. Having recovered from their shock, they started to shout and lament: "Oh you ugly demon, how can you dare to sit on the throne of our Lord? What utter cheekiness! What a crime! you should be thrown headlong into the hell and straight into a boiling cauldron! You should be quartered alive! Begone! Begone
Revenge on the telemarketersOctober 10th 2010 00:55
So let’s get the formalities out of the way so I can say what I really want to say. Yes, we know these people are only doing their job. Yes, we understand they may be actually offering an amazing service or product
Save water or the fish gets it!October 4th 2010 11:43
It's a nice trick and I'm sure would make most people use less in an attempt to not make the fish suffer but I'm pretty sure there are a few (okay, maybe more than a few) people out there who would be just a bit too curious to see the water run completely out of little Nemo's fishbowl
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