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While celebrating the fourth of July with fireworks, Peter manages to blow all the fingers off one of his hands. He continues to go to work, but soon falls behind, claiming it is because he can no longer type, but his frequent phone calls to his friends might have something to do with it. When he is threatened with losing his job, he convinces Lois to come in and help him out. Once she is there, he spends most of his time trying to seduce her because he thinks sex in the workplace would be hot.
Meanwhile Stewie has discovered that Brian has a girlfriend, Jillian. He at first thinks she must be ugly, since Brian won’t introduce them, but when he meets her, he discovers that while she is good looking, she is also incredibly stupid.
Stewie decides to torment Brian by inviting Jillian over for dinner. While Peter and Chris like her, Lois is amused at her stupidity. He then follows Brian while he meets with Jillian and her equally vapid friends and tells Brian the relationship will not work.
Back the brewery, Peter finally succeeds in his efforts to seduce Lois.
Brian visits Jillian’s apartment with the intention of ending the relationship while Stewie waits in the car, but when she answers the door in a towel and then takes it off, he can’t do it. He returns to the car a few hours later and Stewie makes fun of him for not ending it.
When a recruitment officer comes to Chris’s school, he is led to believe life in the army will be a non stop party and wants to join. Lois and Brian are disgusted by the recruiters’ way of tricking people and Brian decides to complain. He stops by the office when driving with Stewie and when he leaves to put money in a parking meter, Stewie signs them both up so he can get a gun and $100.
Trying to distract Chris, Peter takes a look at the extra curricular activities around his school. Chris joins a heavy metal band when he proves he can sing after Peter drops a piano on his foot.
Meanwhile, Brian and Stewie begin their training and don’t do to well. Brian becomes so stressed he plans to leave, but Stewie tells him he always quits and he need to learn to see something through. He agrees to stay and complete his training.
Chris however, starts to develop an anti social attitude and changes his appearance. Peter and Lois get worried and, after finding a Marilyn Mason poster and CD, decide to track down Manson to make him pay for corrupting their son. When they find him, Peter punches him in the face, despite not being sure if Manson is male. After the Griffins explain the situation, Manson offers to go to Quahog to help Chris. He gives Chris some sound advice and Chris turns back into his old self.
Back at the training facility, Brian and Stewie have graduated and are informed they will be deployed to Iraq immediately. At first it doesn’t seem so bad, but after being caught in an attack, they try to get themselves discharged by pretending to be homosexual and shooting each other in the foot. Just as they are resigning themselves to being stuck there forever, they are told that democracy has kicked in and the war is over.
Peter, Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland are spending an evening at the Clam when Lois calls him to pick up Meg from the skating rink. Once their, Peter and his friends decide to continue drinking, then forget all about Meg and leave without her. After having to skate home in the pouring rain, she decides she needs a car.
Peter takes her to the car showroom, but instead of looking at the dependable car she wants, he decides to by the tank the owner uses for promotions. He drives it around everywhere, finally letting Meg take lessons in it. But on the first lesson, they run over Joe’s legs and he impounds the tank.
Meg then decides to get a job so she can buy her own car. She is hired by Superstore USA, who has just opened in town, despite Brian’s informing her about his issues with the company.
Soon, all the shops in town become bankrupt and have to close and everyone, apart form those who work at Superstore USA, are out of work. Then the power stops working because Superstore USA needs it all.
Peter starts to protest the store, but after setting foot inside, he gets a job there instead. At the same time, Meg is promoted and becomes Peter’s boss. Her own boss insists she fire Peter due to incompetence, but despite everything, she can’t do it and quits instead.
Then, Brian and Stewie, deciding to get rid of the Superstore, retrieve the tank and drive it through the building, chasing everybody out. After the store is clear, they head outside and fire on it, completely destroying it. With the demolition complete, life in Quahog returns to normal.
When Peter’s mother Thelma comes to visit, she reveals she has just left his father, Francis. While Peter is upset, Lois helps Thelma meet a new man and the new man she meets is Tom Tucker. This upset Peter further and he tries to sabotage the relationship. But after a heart to heart with Tom, he decides to support the relation ship and begins to see Tom as a new father figure. While he is enjoying the relationship, Thelma suddenly breaks up with Tom. After another heart to heart, he realises what is important is for a father and son to spend time together and encourages Tom to spend more time with his own son Jake, even though he won’t do the same for Chris, who is trying to get his attention.
Meanwhile, after Brian got his own talk show, Stewie begins to prank call him. The stations producers love the way the two of them interact and makes Stewie the co host. Soon the show has changed from a sophisticated program about the issues to a low brow comedy show. After Brian realises the level to which he has sunk, he quits and is replaced by Cleveland and Quagmire.
When Peter goes to the doctor for a flu shot, the doctor tells him he needs a prostate exam. Peter is shocked to discover exactly what a prostate exam actually means and runs out of the room naked. He tells Lois what happened, feeling violated, but she can’t convince him that it was a standard exam. He then goes around telling everyone that Doctor Hartman raped him and decides to sue the doctor. In court, he manages to convince the judge that he is in the right and doctor Hartman’s medical license is revoked. As peter celebrates his victory, he begins to fear he may have something wrong with his prostate, but no doctor will examine him because they fear getting sued. He visits Doctor Hartman in disguise, but is soon caught out. Hartman examines him anyway and Peter is so grateful he helps him get his licence back.
Meanwhile, Stewie plays in the park with his teddy Rupert, but a vicious dog grabs Rupert from him and begins to tear him apart. Lois runs after the dog and rescues Rupert, then repairs him, leading Stewie to become enamoured of her. At first she enjoys the attention, but Stewie becomes exceptionally clingy and begins dreaming of hurting him. She starts to take Brian’s advice of ignoring him, but he falls down the stairs and actually hurts himself. Lois tries to apologise, but Stewie decides to go back to hating her.
While in the bathroom one night, Lois hears a noise downstairs and discovers burglars. The family flee to the panic room that Peter has built and watch what the burglars are doing through the hidden cameras. But unfortunately the room has no phone, so peter begins to tell the story of the Griffin family history.
The story begins in the Palaeolithic age where Peter’s ancestor invented the wheel. Then it moves on to the time of Moses, where a griffin leads the Israelites to freedom. During a break, the family discovers Meg can fit through the vents and Peter sends her downstairs to make him a sandwich. But then he uses the loudspeaker to tell her what he wants on the sandwich and the burglars find and take her hostage.
To distract his family, peter continues the stories. He tells the story his Nate Griffin, least seen in Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?, who was captured and taken to America as a slave. He works as a slave for a while, then falls in love with the plantation owners daughter. The two of them raise a secret family, then after their discovery, escape to the North.
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After Joe builds a home theatre system, Peter becomes jealous and decides to build a multiplex in his backyard. While digging, he finds the skull of a Native American. Brian tries to convince him to put the skull back and leave it alone, but Peter decides to use it as a novelty, playing with it in a very disrespectful way.
Soon the Griffin’s start experiencing paranormal activity, like Stewie talking to the TV, the kitchen chairs stacked upside down on the table and an evil tree attacking Chris. Lois tries to ignore it all until Stewie is sucked into his closet and disappears.
They hire a spiritual medium to contact Stewie and rescue him, learning the entrance to the spirit world is Stewie closet and the exit is Meg’s anus. After hours of waiting, Lois decides to go in and rescue Stewie herself.
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Brian’s cousin Jasper, last seen in Brian Hollywood, comes to Quahog for a visit with his Filipino boyfriends, Ricardo. They announce they are planning to get married, which causes Lois to become uncomfortable.
Mayor West has meanwhile had a solid gold statue of Dig ‘Em erected in the city at huge cost putting the city in debt. To try and distract everyone from this controversy, he decides to propose a bill outlawing homosexual marriage. Around this time Chris falls for Alyssa, a girl who is in the Young Republican Party and joins up to impress and get close to her.
Brian decides to stop Mayor West, by getting up a petition to oppose the bill. He eventually gets 10,000 signatures, but Lois refuses to sign, feeling conflicted about the issues. Chris then burns the petition on the orders of Alyssa, who will let him touch her breast if he does. Brian manages to get another 10,000 signatures before the deadline, but West refuses to change his mind. Desperate, Brian holds the mayor hostage.
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Peter, Joe and Cleveland go with Quagmire to a sex shop. While there, Peter buys an erotic book and finds it very disappointing. He decides to try writing his own erotic novels and surprisingly becomes very successful. But when one of the novels is converted into an audio book and a driver listening crashes, Peter gets sued. His father in law, Carter Pewterschmidt, who fronted a small amount of money for publishing costs, also gets sued and all his assets are frozen.
Carter goes to the Griffin house planning on killing Peter, but winds up living with them after his wife divorces him and marries Ted Turner. It soon becomes apparent that Carter can’t live without money; he can barely go to the toilet by himself. Peter tries to reconcile him to being poor, but realises that it sucks and they both start coming up with schemes to get rich. All the schemes fail, but Carter and Peter seem to be getting along better, at least until Carter’s wife returns. She tells him she has divorced Ted Turner and taken half his assets. Carter abandons Peter without a second thought. Lois then tries to cheer Peter up by telling him she refused money form her parents years before because money can’t make people happy, which leads to him fantasizing about killing her.
Meanwhile, Stewie has been practicing gymnastics around the house with mixed results. Finally, while attempting a trick in the living room, he crashes into a window and gets a large shard of glass stuck in his head.
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Meg gets a job as an intern for Mayor West, actually impressing her family. They then go on to tease Brian, saying he is the new Meg because he doesn’t have a job. He decides to start working as a taxi driver. Soon after, he receives a $400 parking tickets and decides to expose the corruption of Mayor West because of it. He talks to Meg, but she argues her new boss is a nice person and suggests he drops it. On the other hand, Stewie decides to help him. The pair discover that Mayor West will be at a hotel that night and decide to spy on him.
When they arrive at the hotel, they discover Mayor West is involved in a relationship with Meg. Seeing the relationship as a perfect way to get back at Mayor West, he takes photos and threatens to release the. After Meg finds out, she tells Mayor West and he suggests they put their relationship on hold because of the damage it could do to her. After witnessing the conversation, Brian realises he made a mistake and destroys the pictures, apologizing to Meg.
Meanwhile, after seeing a flyer for a talent show, Peter and Lois decide to participate with a folk singing act they used to do. They have a hard time coming up with new songs thought, and decide to smoke marijuana for inspiration. They behave strangely, which worries the family, and perform in their high state. They think they performed brilliantly, but it turns out that they just made fools of themselves, as Chris, who was in the audience, explains afterwards.
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