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Lifes little slices - by charliesgirl_992000

Lifes little slices - July 2007

I'll be gone until next Sunday!!!

July 27th 2007 20:38
It's vacation time once again and i am sooo excited and ready!! We leave in the morning to stop in Baltimore to spend the day and night with my best friend, Then leave sunday morning to head to N.Carolina to spend a week in a two bedroom timeshare sorounded by lakes, with indoor and outdoor pools, tennis, bike trails and bikes at your beck and call. The ocean is five miles away. We'll spend most of our time at the lakes and timeshare because i'm all beached out. I hate sand after awhile, and with our trip to Daytona right on the ocean in september, i'm taking a break from the sand until then mostly. <grins>

Not sure if i'll get time to wirte before i leave. I'm tired still. The trip will do me some good because i do wayyy more at home then when i'm away. Krystina is comming so i can just lay in a lounge chair and relax.
we're BBQing today and charlies working on a new pasture for the horses. Blaze is comming home soon and we want him in his own area since he was just fully broke.
ok, i'm off here. Sorry i havent been replying to people or reading blogs. I'm just plain old tired all the time and have been for a good month. I get a little better and then back tired all day again. Now it seems to not be lifting.
They got a pulse on my mom yesterday. But she is still huluscinating. She swears a family with a baby keeps comming out of the cieling, and then leave through the ceiling after staying awhile. she doesn't reckognize them. I thought maybe the baby is my aunt cathy that died of sids when she was a baby. And then grandma would be young in heaven and so would grandpa. <shrugs and smiles> you never know. lol
luv Tammy
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"Happy 18th Bithday Kaitlyn!!!"

July 26th 2007 23:40
Yep, my youngest is 18 today. We had Ice cream cake from DQ, we're having a huGe lasanga and BIG bonfire tonight with smores and hot dogs on a stick. She's all smiles today. Loves the fact that she is now an adult.
Kaitlyns 18th Birthday
Kaitlyn with her horse MysticalMoonWildfire, back on May day 07.
Kaitlyns Birthday
Kaitlyn at Myrtle Beach summer 07

I LOVE her free spirit. This is a child that does, and lives life "Her way!" Even if that means it's outside of the box, from what everyone else does, or thinks she should. She's judged often because of this, but just gives them a smirk like "Watever, don't judge me, i don't judge you!!!" <soft smile>
Kaitlyns Birthday
Kaitlyn climbing up a tree in our woods after casting her fishing line up it. lol Us girls are good at this. <grins> But we still have lots of fun.
Kaitlyns Birthday
My youngest child. It was a blessing to have her come into our life through adoption. Our lifes, especialy mine, would not be the same without her.
Kaitlyns Birthday
Kaity and her baby!
"Happy birthday baby girl!!!" I hope your day and your life are all that you have ever dreamed. I know there are HUGE things ahead in this life for you.
luv always and forever moms
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She's worse now

July 24th 2007 21:51
My step dad just called and up dated me on my mom. The hospice nurse can't find her blood preasure. She is also now hearing voices and hearing of all things, "Hammering". Thats weird, Hammering. She keeps complaining about who is hammering. She also is seeing a light. swearing the lights on, when their are NONE. It's taking everything i have to not jump in my truck and head back down their. I am not well and can't just run down there again. I said my good bye and now i need to rest and take care of myself. I'm drained and just relaxed alll day. I will relax the rest of the week, just watching the kids do stuff with the horses and such.
my mom

No matter if i do run right back down there, it will still not be enough goodbyes. I have to just stay put in PA. She's passing and theres nothing i can do about it. My brother is talking to a lawyer trying to sue the nursing home. They didn't take well care of her and maybe he should BUT for me, i don't know if they did or not so i'm not getting involved. He said he's not keeping any money won, if it is won, he's giving it to my step dad. i hope he does, if he wins. If not, then i don't think it's a good thing. He wasn't even raised by my momHe keeps talking about all the stuff he's doing now for her., what about in the past??? He wasn't there for her. I always was but i still don't want any of it. I told him to give it all to my step dad. I just don't want anything to do with it.
It just bothers me that it sounds like he doesn't aprove of me not being there. i come when and how long i can. when i lived there, i was always there for mom. I just wish he could see that but he wasn't around. "Just brushing it off my shoulder!" It's just not worth it to me. I know what i did and so does my mom. Thats all that matters.
I can't believe she's going to be dead any time now. Then she'll be cremated. They'll send her to me in a yurn, urn or whatever they call that thing. I don't want an urn, or whatever though. I want a pretty little vial or bottle. I'll put her in one of those when i get her. I'll plant a tree and make a plaque for her. so i have a place to go to and talk to her. Even though i'll drive her crazy like i do my grandma and cousins, always talking to her everyday. Telling them, out loud, to turn around, when i go to get dressed. <winks> I was hoping she didn't die until after my possible gastric bypass. Now she'll see just how fat i realy am, first time i get dressed. She's fat too and thats the only thing that helps me deal with that.
ok, i'm off to do something. Not sure what yet, but it will be something sitting down. lol
Tammy
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I'm home, and about my mom!"

July 24th 2007 18:09
my mom
My mom.You can see it in her eyes, that life is slipping away. I see it more now in these pictures, then i did, even when i was standing before her. These pictures are hard to look at.
my mom
She's still with us. I'm not sure for how long. She is not being treated for anything but getting her insulin. Her leg needs removed from gang green, but that is staying, she still has blood poisening and thats staying. They did remover some, leaving a HUGE open wound in her stomach thats just wrapped up. She's eating and drinking, but barely. It's not enough to survive on. She has a list of other problems, she's nopt being treated for. All by her own choice. She's ready to go. She's just waiting. I hope God lets her go soon, so she doesn't have to lay there and suffer, hunger, and such anymore. One side of my wants that, and the other wants her to just get better, get up and walk again. She hasn't walked since November.
I'm home! I Got Home Sunday after driving an all nighter. well, sorta. Krystina and i took turns driving. At four in the morning i finally pulled into a rest area and took a two hour nap.
It sounds like my mom still just wants cremated, and no funeral. I feel robbed, because i had thought all along that we would have a funeral. I found out when i got home, so now i feel like i didn't get a goodbye still. I stayed three days, going to see her once a day. I wanted to see her longer but she's sleepy and withall the family that are going to see her, we each only get about five minutes with her. Hospice is taking time too. In three days i only realy got about 15 minutes with her. Next time i see her she will be dust, ashes or whatever you call it


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I'm heading to Illinois to my mom

July 19th 2007 04:38
I just found out more info about my mom. She is home like i said before and she isn't able to eat or drink or she will Asperate and die. She is coherent my brother said, talking and everything she asked for something to drink and autamatically choked. She has a DNR, she wants no IV's, no nothing. no feeding tubes. so we're leaving by 6:00 am. One of my brothers actualy offered me a room at his place. atfirst he said no kids, which makes me want to throw up. I told him, well two of my kids have their dads to stay at, but one, the adopted one has no where, so never mind, then his wife cut in and said she could come and sleep on the couch. That just makes me not even want to stay there. i'd let anyone pile here, and ALL of my brothers have lived with me for long periods many times over the years. Kids and all. Charlies mom and dad will let me stay there all i need. I just get very sick when i'm upset and have to be in the bathroom ALOT. This sucks big time. I'm just going to maybe stay two days here, two days there, until it's done. Not sure when i'll be back. we're suppose to leave for the timeshare in NC next sunday. If it's not over by then, i'll cancell. i can do so up until the day before.
I may be off here awhile. won't have computer access there i'm sure.
Take care, thanks for the well wishes. Tammy
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My mom just came home to die!!

July 19th 2007 02:20
They just brung her to her home in Illinois 11 hours away from me, to die. No feeding tubes, no IV's, nothing. She wanted it all out and is now just all morphined up and can't eat. Just incoherent basically.
Now all i can do is wait for the call, or for her to come back out and eat. want to live. She wants to die and i understand. I would to if i was her. I understand all of that. i sooo understand it but it doesn't take away my hurt, my tears, that over whelming feeling that i want to, need to, HAVE to throw up.
"I can't keep doing this. she's dying, she pulled through, she's dying, she pulled through again. My stomache can't take it, my mind can't take it, my freaken heart can't take it. <tears> I don't want her to die, but Jesus, if she is and is soon, can't we just get it over and down with so i can freaken breath again


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"A day of horse lessons for the girls!"

July 18th 2007 00:04
I LOVE our horse trainer. He has been working with Blaze now since June 26th and says he has two more weeks before he brings him back. He came by today to give Kaitlyn, Krystina and Wildfire training lessons. I LOVE that he comes to our home atleast once a week to work with the girls.
Horse stuff
Our horse trainer, Tom Training Wildfire and the girls. This guy is such a great guy. He has a crush on Krystina, but she just stays friends. He's such a great guy, i sometimes wish she liked him back. He's cute, but he's realy short, and sounds kind of like a girl. Poor guy. He's wonderful with our horses and has been comming around for about four years now doing anything we need for our horses. It's great to have someone like him. He feels more like part of our family now.
Horse stuff
Now it's Kaities turn with Wildfire while the trainer watches on.
horse stuff
Krystinas turn with Wildfire!
horse stuff
Petunia all muddy just fresh out of her mudd pool, watching her best friend Wildfire getting her lessons.
It was a fun day. A little time in the pool, Time watching the girls get their horse lessons. Time working on cross stuff. A long chat with my best friend who bought a new car today!!!! Yeahhhh, happy for her. Next i'll wacth Big Brother and then some Netflix. Maybe play cards out under the Tiki lights. Every day feels like the weeknd here. We truely do live life to the fullest. I feel pretty great, so maybe that bought is passinga nd i'm thankful. They seem to start going away though and then come right back. I realy need to stop playing around and call the doc. I have alot going on right this second though. My friends daughter comes saterday. We go to the US's oldest theme park on Monday, Tuesday and wednesday i have to go for two 45 minute talks to a pshyciatrist {whatever] for the next step to get gastric. watch me go, and then not qaulify. but hey, a person always has stuff i guess they can talk about. can't hurt. I just hope it's a woment. I do feel a little weird about it cause last time i went i was 17 and in foster care. Just shoots me back to when i was 17. I can't walk in there feeling like i'm 17, she'll think i'm insane and never aprove me. <smirks>
Next i have to do one visit to the nutritionist and then get some test done. Not sure if i lost enough weight to be aproved. I did go down one whole size in jeans though. Hope they can see that, but i doubt it cause i only went to them once. I see my regular doc once a month though. surely he can tell


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Our yesterday cont...

July 17th 2007 17:30
summer fun
Krystina and Brittany playing behind the waterfall. We had the best day. Picnic, pop, cool, spring water.
summer fun
Chris and Lil'Bit watching the girls.
summer fun
Kaity enjoying the cold water that energizes you through and through. After going here, playing in the mountain, stream water and the waterfall you feel a-new. Refreshed. I just LOVE the energy and the smell here.
summer fun
I LOVE Krystinas face here!!!!
summer fun
The grils getting ready to jump into the deepest pool of them all, sliding down into it. This place is soooo fun.
Thats it for the park. I still have the rest of our evening to share.Tammy
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Our yesterday at the waterfall!

July 17th 2007 17:14
Ohiopyle State Park
Our favorite place to spend a day, other then right here at our house. Ohiopyle State Park, practically right here in our own back yard.
We loaded the cooler with sandwitches. Stopped at the gas station and got thee 12 packs of Mountain Dew and 3 twelve packs of pepsi, a bag of ice and about five bags of chips. Then headed on the beautiful drive to Ohiopile.
summer fun
Krystina, Brittany and Kaitlyn all in a row, riding the natural waterslide.
summer fun
All 3 girls riding the slide. Krystina sliding into one of the deeper pools of spring water.
summer fun
Lil'Bit, our proud momma watching the grils slide. We always take turns with all of our pooches, taking one usualy atleast every other time that we go.
summer fun
Brittany having sooo much fun. LOVE the smile!! Her first time down the slide.
summer fun
Can ya tell Brittany LOVED it!!! <huge smile> After her first time down the slide.
cont.....
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The farm went fishing!!!

July 16th 2007 18:01
When we walk down to our woods to go fishing, it's a "Farm" affair, instead of a "Family" afair. lol I would imaginge we're the only family that has a pig [Petunia] a cat {Sebastion and sometimes trouble], two or more dogs follinging us all down the about a half a mile walk to our fishing dock to fish. I LOVE it!!! The dogs for this day where, my daughter Krystinas dog Chance, and her friend staying for the summer Brittany's dog Cobain.
farm animals
Cobain and Petunia hoping over the log to go fishing. Petunia rooting for a few bites of worms on her way. lol
Fishing
Walking to the fishing dock, animals and all!
Fishing
The only fish caught was by Brittany and wasn't very big, but still sooo fun to catch. Could have been my catch because our lines got twisted and we where pulling them in to un twist. She pulled hers out of the water and there he was. <smiles> Krystina and myself did get a few bites though.
fishing
Sebastion helping Krystina fish.
That was our wonderful yesterday. Today we're heading to Ohiopyle to play in waterfalls, and slide down the natural waterslide. Life is beautiful!!! My legs are almost all the way back to normal, so it may very well have been those steroids, or just this bought has finally passed. Moving on until next time. I can walk with mostly ease, and thats the best thing.
Tammy
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"Prayers for my friend please!!"

July 15th 2007 19:23
Prayers, kind thoughts or whatever you do. My friend was just diognosed the end of last week with Lupis and fibromialgia. She knew she had Fibro, but also thought she had lupis. She has alot of hair loss and has to wear wigs and had thought maybe that was from Lupis. She still has other blood test and other test to do. I pray that they find nothing else. I know my kids step mom has lupis, and she also has fibro, MS, and a few other things, so i'm crossing my fingers they don't find MS next. it's hard because we are both going through almsot the same things, but we live four hours apart so we can't easily comfort each other. We text each other alll day long like teenagers. My kids talk about how cute taht is and how it's about time i had a friend like that, that is sooo close to me. I've never had that and it feels realy good.
Today it looks like rain. I told hubby it wasn't going to rain, so he dumped cleaner in the pool for me. He was right, it's rainy looking. Dernit. I hate wasiting the money on cleaner. It't not raining yet, but gray out. It's hot and sticky so maybe i'll take a fast swim, just to make it worth it. lol
he's on his way home and we're BBQing today. funny he'll BBQ in the rain. He's silly. But i'm glad. Nothing like BBQ


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Maybe it's not as bad as it seems!!!!

July 14th 2007 15:36
Day three that i can barely walk. Legs and feet still cold and tingling. Calf still extremely tight with charlie horses. My guess is either i'm diabetic. Atleast thats my hope, or my real guess is MS. We've been watching for that for about two years now. The wheel chair has to come up tonight. My feet are sooo cold even with house shoes on. The tingeling and tightness kept me awake almsot all night.
A few minutes ago while painfully hobbling around on legs taht i probably shouldn't be walking on, it hit me. The poisen oak meds i took for over a week, and just finished a couple days ago. They where Staroids!!!!!! Stairoids bulk you up and although i havent exercised, just maybe, just maybe thats the culpret. <crossing fingers very tightly> Please just not MS. Anything but that. My eyes are weird. can't say blurry, but weird. I'm considering going to the emergency room finally. I'm silly, it just seems like a dumb reason to go. Ok, so how stupid am i??? To go from walking just fine, to barely being able to walk, and some times, not being able to walk at all. Thats not normal. Hubby gets home arround five. The kids are almost home now. They are in Wheeling West Virginia. Thats only about 45 more minutes and they'll roll in. Right now i have no one to drive me anyhow. Just Kaitlyn and i. I havent told Denise yet, because when she finds out, she'll come here and drag me probably. lol "I Love that she cares that much!!" She almsot dragged me when my arms went numb. she will realy freak when she hears i have been not being able to walk. We're like teenagers, texting each other hundreds of times a day. i LOVE it!!!!! i want to cry to her about my legs, but she is at the beach for one last day with her mom, daughter and daughters friends. We where suppose to go, but my kids day to come home on thursday, changed to today. Her daughter is comming with us on our trip to NC, to the beach the end of this month. I wonder if i'll be able to walk then. I could wheel chair and be fine with that. I just hope i can continue to atleast be able to use my legs atleast some, cause no one will be able to lift me. Hope i can get that gastric. i NEED that gastric. i HOPE this is just an after affect of those stairoids and i'm realy fine still.
Tammy
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"Our 4Th of July with Friends, Baltimore"

July 14th 2007 00:01
Denise
Picture shared with permision! My friend after Kaitlyn and i tricked her into eating something sour, that she didn't know would be sour! "Too Funny!!!"
We where invited to Baltimore by my friends for 4th of july. Here are some pics of our time there.
Kaitlyn
"Kaitlyn texting friends!!"
Kaitlyn
"Kaitlyn still texting friends!" lol Thank God for unlimited text. Just need unlimited calling and then Krystinas bill wouldn't have been $300 bucks for one month. OUCH!!!
4th of july
Our friends, and their friends. It rained off and on. Seems everytime people climed out of the van or took off their rain gear, it would start raining so we just held out a bit. It poured during the fire work show but that made it even more beautiful. Rain mixed with my tears for my mom. It was a beautiful night.
Friends and Family
Kaitlyn with our new family!! I LOVE how comfortable Kaitlyn is with them. We are all a perfect fit and i LOVE that. Can't wait until my other two kids meet them


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"Out to lunch, Then cross paints!"

July 13th 2007 23:15
Wally and Krystina
Wally [Blazing Fire] has been gone for almost one whole month now." I miss him dearly. Sounds like he's dead, but he's not, he's off being trained. We should get him back about the 26th of july. I can't wait. I'm sad, i miss him. It's difefrent looking out into the pasture and not seeing him there. I know if i'm sad Cody [MysticalMoonWildfire] his momma, must be REALY sad. Not sure if she understands where he went and that he'll be back. They where sooo close. I may send Apache Wind off to get trained next. Not sure yet. Gonna see how Blaze works out.

We had to go to two different hospitals today getting past test results sent to my beriatric DR. That was more painless then i thought it would be. <grins> I hate hospitals even if it's just to get results. Some where two years old, so that means i will have to re-do those. Thank God the 24 hour Camara down the throat was less then a year, but the barium swallow wasn't, nor was the abdominal ultra sound. Thats kind of good because with the Barium swallow, before you drink the stuff, they tell ya your going to feel a HUGE urge to burp, but don't burp. Ofcourse i burped right away, but didn't tell them i did. lol so, we'll see if i can hold it in this time if they make me re-do it. The ultra sound was to look at cist on my overies that i was suppose to look at every 3 months for atleast the 1st year. That was over back in 2004. so thats something i do need to take a peak at again. we'll see what they say. As for pounds, the scale finaly budged but only a teenie tiny, 2 lbs. but i have lost 1 whole size. I just think i got muscle too. I hope they will consider that two. But they don't know me or what size i wore, so it would be taking my word. Hope my dr can tell, and give the word. It's almost time for that surgery if it's gonna happen. I've been pretty sick. walking alright today, but still charlie horse stuff in my right calf and almost couldn't walk a couple times. The tingling is still there in arms, hands, legs and feet, but it's lighter. well, lightens and then gets strong again. <shrugs> iwe're going to call a nurolagist monday i'm guesing. i want to, and then again i want to wait until after i see about the surgery. i don't want anything to ruin it, but then on the other hand, 1. don't want to take any stupid chances 2. if i just lost one more size, even though i'd still be "Fat" by alot of peoples standereds, because people can be sooo ignorant that they think your fat if you even just weigh 150 or a little bigger, but i don't realy care what ignorant people think anyhow. by my standerds i'd be just fine, and not realy need the surgery anymore. we'll see what happens between now and the end of september


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"I couldn't walk today!"

July 12th 2007 20:47
Ohiopyle State Park
This was the very first time that this has happened, where i stood and couldn't walk. I'm sure you can just imagine what has went in on my head. Changes in my life flashing before my eyes. I've went to stand in the past, in the mornings or to use the restroom in the middle of the night and colapsed right back onto the bed because of all of a sudden charlie horses, but they have always worked back out and i could stand. Three days ago i started getting horibly bad numbing in my handsn arms, feet and legs. It gets realy intense, then lightens a little, then intense again. It feels like someone is pouring hot coffee into them. I have had this before awhile back, but it hasn't lasted this long before. Day three right now. Pain in my arms, shins, ect. Hands that become not usable at times. I had to stop painting many times last night for the first time. Even typing this isn't super easly and is taking some time and breaks. My right arm is pretty much stuck against my body. My sight had started getting blurry here and there, but only a little. But the preasure in behind my eyes has been extremely intense. As if someone is inside my head trying to pop my eyes out of my head. My whole head feels weird. My eye sight got REALY bad for the first time yesterday and today. I feel very nautiouse. My sugar has been dropping REALY low. I start to shake, dropping and spilling things, knocking things over. Wev'e been concerened for a couple years about things like Fibromilagia, or MS, but with MS you have to have it two to three years before it will show up. My kids will be home tomarow. I am thankful because Krystina has a lisence. I prayed that whatever this is will just knock it off long enough for me to try and get this gastric bypass so i can loose this weight. The way i am now, They won't be able to lift me if this gets worse. Something is wrong. To just not be able to walk. Kaitlyns at work. Hubby is in the bedroom with the fan on high taking a nap for midnights. I am in the puter room and have to pee. Not sure if i'll be able to stand or not when i go to get up. I do have my cell phone and hubby has the house phone, so i can call him. This is just crazy. What the hell is wrong with me?? Hopefully it's something as silly as diabetes because those things affect your eyes and lugs/feet. My mom was diognosed with Diabetes when she was 33 or 34 and almost went into diabetic shock. She was thrown straight into the hospital. I have aunts, uncles and brothers who have it.
I need a shower. I need to get a load of wash done. i've been sleepy alll day. Been doing nothing but stuff i do sitting around. So i am resting. I think my life is about to change hugely. But if anyone could handle that change best, it's me. I'm great with change. Always have been. No matter what, life will always be beautiful to me. I've always been able to make lemonaide out of lemons and for that i am VERY thankful.
Tammy
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My friends visit cont....

July 12th 2007 05:12
Ghost Hunting
Later that night we headed out to our woods for my friends crews first ghost hunt. Armed with dowsing rods, EMF meter, voice recorder and red flashlight. It was sooo much fun and although we didn't get anything other then some pretty bright orbs, we had such a scary blast. I LOVED going with them. They where scared but LOVED the adrenalin rush. I could just feel their wonderful energy.
Bonfires
The grils having smores after our ghost haunt. For a first meet, these three girls realy hit it off. Ally wasn't even mad at Kaitlyn for almost breaking her nose and arm when she drove her on the four wheeler right through a Lama farms fence, snapping the wire, bahaing in mid air, flipping and the four wheeler landing on Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn hasn't driven it since.
Four Wheeling
The two grils pulling out for the ride taht almost broke Allies nose and arm.
Bonfires
Mommom making smores. That was pretty much their two day trip. I can't wait until they come back. Tammy
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"My friends visit here cont......

July 12th 2007 04:56
Four Wheeling
Kaitlyn and Ally four wheeling in front of our house.
four wheeling
My friend Denise riding her daughter Tabby.
four wheeling
Denise and her mom riding together. Her mom does not like being called grandma and i would soon learn why. This women is sooo young and fun at heart, just like Densie and myself. Getting down doing everything everyone else does. She even flipped on the four wheeler. Mor like a little roll. Got up, wipped off and got right back on. My friend flew over the handle bars and flat on her stomache. We all missed seeing that. <smiles>
Fishing Fun
Kaitlyn setting up her pole for fishing.
Fishing fun
Mommom holding up our only catch of the day, a set of leaves. lol but we had lots of fun. Oh and Ally hooked herself once too. <smiles>
Fishing
Our cat Sabastion helping us fish. cont....
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My friends visit here!

July 12th 2007 04:39
These are some random pictures from my friend and her familys visit here a few weeks ago. It was a short visit but we did alot in that amount of time.
Ohiopyle State Park
Kaitlyn riding the natural slide at Ohiopyle State park, with Tabby and Ally in the background next in line."
Ohiopyle State Park
Kaitlyn and Tabby riding the natural water slide.
Ohiopyle State Park
My friend falling into one of the little pools of freezing, mountain spring water slides. It took forever to even realize it was her because of her face. Then it took even longer to convince her taht it was her. <huge laugh> LOVED it, and i LOVED taht she'd get right in like me and do all of these things. I had the best day.
Ohiopyle State Park
Kaitlyn being a poser!!!" "Cutie!!!
Ohiopyle State Park
Last one in this group. Kaitlyn getting a feel of the "Cold", refreshing water.
con't...
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"Ahhh, i LOVE the wind!!!"

July 11th 2007 19:53
Storms are brewing here in PA. The wind is pouring strongly through my windows and i LOVE it!!! You can hear the tree's dancing hard with their leafs resteling. Thunder, Lightening, grey clouds rolling fast over the hill. Sun occasionally spirting through. The wind calls me, it speaks deep to my soul. Wind and I are very best friends.
PA Skies
This isn't todays sky, but from a few days ago, that i just wanted to share." I LOVE Pennsylvanias skies. They are just amazing.
ST.Louis
A picture from our recent trip to ST.Louis
PA skies
Todays PA skies!"
Racoon
A not soo great picture of a Racoon that visited us last night!" Kaitlyn took the pic, but forgot to turn off the flash. <winks> By time i got the flash taken care of, he was gone. We also saw a skunk last night but not on our deck. "Thank God because when your yorkies get skunked, it's not a good thing at all for anyone. lol"
I am working on cross stuff today. I have a smaller grave yard line i'm working on for E-bay. The sayiongs will be a little different then the bigger garden and roadside types. These will say something like "Another 1 lost 2 cancer!" MS, Lupus, and all of those sorts. These will be sold to raise money for our organization. I just hope the saying fits on the size cross i have, and or if it doesn't, i can come up with something to say "Hey, find a cure already!!!"
crosses4acause
some of the crosses we have done. i LOVE them. ok i'm off to paint.Tammy
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"A very rare HOT day in PA!!"

July 10th 2007 04:33
The weather is pretty much always wonderful in the summer here in PA but today was a scorcher. Nothing better to do on a day like that then to just spend the entire day out in the pool, with radio on, just enjoying life on this farm of ours. I worked on business a little bit first, getting the rest of my orders filled, so i didn't feel guilty for doing nothing the rest of it. Not that i realy ever do feel guilty for it. <winks> We live a pretty simple, laid back life here and for taht i am very grateful.
Heres some pics of our day!
swim time
swim time
swim time

After time in the pool we loaded up the last two puppies we have left. 2 little boys. One Lil'Bits, and One Kali's, and took them for a ride to DQ for a chocolate dipped, vanilla cone. ofcourse they could have no choco and very little taste of icecream, but they enjoyed the ride just the same.
puppies
"Ahhhh, the last two of the bunch of 7 puppies


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"Lots of goodies comming in the mail!"

July 9th 2007 20:46
I sooo cannot wait and words just can't say how excited i am!! I've just spent the past couple days ordering and ordering personalized business stuff for my non profit. Almost every dime i get i put into thios and LOVE doing it, so that tells me i'm doing the right thing. Just yesterday, todays orders, pluss wood fror crosses, paint ect totaled about five hundred and i'm still ready to order more stuff. i've got 300 magnetic business cards with the flag theme comming, 500 matching non magnetic business cards, 720 red with blue lettering pencils that say are organization, pluss 50 pencils with pics of our crosses on them, i'm looking at bumper stickers now. just have to look around to see if 1000 for $279 is good, send in artwork ideas or oiur own artwork.
it's exciting. Trying to get the word out.
ok, hubbies home with McDonalds. gona eat and then go get in the pool a bit. Tammy


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"I'm still groggy, but my beautiful day!!"

July 8th 2007 23:28
our 4th of july
KaityKatt and her two best friends TabbyCat and AllyCat. on fourth of july goofing.
We started our day very early with church. I've been slacking and not always wanting to get up for it anymore. I LOVE church, don't get me wrong,.I've just truely been tired and so sleep has been calling my name alot. I woke up about a half an hour before it was time to go, with no alarm, and decided to just go. Our preacher had to go in for emergency [i'm still very groggy, so i think this is what it was for] Galbladder surgery, while i was in Maryland. Then Friday he had to go back in for a blood clot. So he had to sit in a big, comfy rocking chair while congragation preached. That was fun. Not that we could hear much at all because some out of town visitors where in with her two small children, along with the other two smallies taht are always there. They make church wonderful crunching on their crackers, laughing, waving Hi with their huge cheeky grins. Grammy apolagized to us after church because of those two and the out of towners that made it triple. i smiled and said, "Don't you know those little children are why we switched sides of the church!!" We adore kids and plan on adopting at some point again. We are just waiting for the right time. I told her i wouldn't care if there where fifty little kids running around, i'd LOVE it. Thats one thing Denise said she loves about me. So many adults kind of , um, not realy stop and listen to kids, especialy other peoples kids. They like listen, but you can tell they are sooo not realy into it. Me, she said i'm not like that. I stop whatever i'm doing and give her child Tabby and whatever child my full attention. Raising my brows, getting excited, smiling and REALY listening and getting into the conversation. I LOVE kids. it's very normal for kids in public to hold long conversations with me. Funny, last week when Kaitlyn and i was at the vet, a little boy at about 4 years old was talking like crazy to me. Mostly about his fat cat and skinny cat that don't like water and are sooooo lazy. But the fujnniest thing happened right before the vet called me in. He said with big, beautiful brown eyes, "You know where my daddy is?" i said all excited, "Where?" Thinking he'd say something like, "at work", but nope, "He's in jail and you know why?" with a little smile, and peek around him to see if his mom or anyone else in that office full of people heard, and was releaved when they didn't so mom wouldn't be emberassed. "He drank too much at the bar and then drove home and crashed our car, my mom was soooooo mad at him, but he's getting out soon and mymommy said if he drinks again he'll be out on his butt!" lol and then i was called in to the vet. A vet that i only went to beacuase mine was booked and i will not go back. The vet dude was not friendly or nice. Kaitlyn was like "Ahhhh!!" and a frown with her big, beautiful brown eyes when her favorite tiny pup went to get his shot and that doc looked at her like she was weird. She did a few things like this, just being her normal cute self taht people are normally drawn too, but he was rude rolling his eyes and acting like she was weird. Just like all those adults i was talking about that ignore kids. They are people too and such a wonderful part of this great big world.
so, after church we went out for Sunday brunch at Ponderosa with Kaitlyn and hubby. It was a nice lunch. After paying just for the buffet, you could add a steak or tips with onion and mushroom for seventy cents. so we added one of each, with two baked potatoes to go. $140, for two dinners. Hubbie is off at work now after we took a well needed nap after lunch and church. he had to be in at 6:00 pm and work until the morning


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"Update on my mom!" 4th of july tears,

July 8th 2007 03:30
I didn't have to leave Maryland to head to Illinois. It was very touch and go though. I got lots of calls, and everyone just knew she wasn't going to make it, except maybe me. i was scared, don't get me wrong , and after each call i had HUGE tears, and kept wondering if i was doing the right thing waiting. They said they would take her off the breathing machine, but if she did not breath they would put her back on giving me the twelve hours i needed to get there. I felt like i needed to just go, but i also needed to stay. I felt such comfort from my friend Denise and her family.
We sat in a parking lot in, off and on rain. Lots of laughs, lots of hugs, piling in and out of her van as the rain would come hard again. I'd be fine awhile, and then loose it. I didn't loose it the worst until the fire works where in full force. My mom did laot of wrong to us but she also passed on alot of great memories. We NEVER missed a 4th of july.
She never had a drivers license, but would walk us the about 10 miles to the park every firework night. laying out a blanket


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"Off on a well needed roadtrip!!!"

July 4th 2007 03:52
Kaitlyn and i have been being BEGGED to come for a visit by my best friend. Ever since she came here. We IM every single day, or send Text messeges. Thank God for un limited text. <grins> I've NEVER met someone taht i felt was more like a sister, then just a friend. I adore her mom, her daughter and her. She even does alot of the qaurky things i do. like walk around my house, singing, or busting out in opra. I can't sing a lick, but i've NEVER known someone to do opra. I feel i can totally be me around her. Never judge, never making me feel less then she is. She has pout me on her level since we first talked on IM, not meeting in person for three years. i adore her for putting me at her level and never making me feel not as smart, or as pretty or as skinny. she's always telling me what a great, special friend i am. she calls me in a second when i write bad news like about my mom. she's sooo active just like me and i still have tons of pics to share of her trip here, and now my trip there. i finally feel not tired anymore. may not be the same when i get back. <grins> we're going down town baltimore to watch the fireworks. i got a bag full of treats like ring pops, airheads, sprees, blue juices, those cool glow in the dark neckleces, earings, and bracelits taht you snap, and they light up. This is stuff i've gotten every 4th of july for my kids as a family tradition. They never grow out of them either. and i hope they dont, or when they do, i have grandkids.
we're going to go to her favorite mall. and some other stuff.
my son Chris called tonight. They went and saw my mom. She's still on life support. barely breathing on her own. she looks horrible. i felt bad that i'm going to Maryland and not there, but i mapped it out before canceling and it's only an hour longer. so i paclked incase i have to leave from there and head to Illinois. This will do me good. i can't do anything there for mymom. the kids, and even the burse tried to wake my mom but she was un responsive. I think this time she realy is going to die. <tears> i have always believed i had a good outlook on death, but now it's my mom. It's diffrent. she raised me. i know her life isn't a life and she needs to pass. she wants to pass and i will let her go, but i don't wnat to. i love her. and i worry where she will go. i know when the time comes, she'll come to me in a dream like my grandma and then i'll know she's fine. After all that she did, i just think God would be the kind of God to offer community service, counseling or something so she can still get in. I have these talks with him alll the time. Poeple change and mymom punished herself enough when she stopped living from the time i was 17 until now/ she's paid. now i want her to live, walk again, see my grandma and tell her she needs to come back and see me in my dreams. i remimber everything about my visit from her, BUT what was said. i wnat to talk to her again. she's with me alll the time. i feel her. my dowsing rods show she's there and probably angels and spirit guides. my picture of my aura showed her very strongly. it was a mother figure and she's the only thing like that dead. it also showed spirit guides and angels. i have alot of them


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"Some nature shots. ...

July 2nd 2007 18:23
From Saterdays poisen sumac walk! <smiles> Some of these i LOVE and some are a little blurred, but i had to stand above the flowers to take them, so i couldn't realy set my camara anywhere.
Nature Pictures
Kaitlyn
Kaitlyn & her yorkie Tinkerbell walking down the trail
Nature pics
One of my favorites
Nature Pictures
This picture would have been better if the backgrounjd hadn't blured, but i liked it anyway and may even like it better blured.
Nature pics
Nature pics
nature pics
ok, Thats all that will fit. i do have more i may put in another post. i have one person comming for the second puppy they will have bought from this liter, and i have a lady comming after she gets off work, that wants one. I leave in two more days to Maryland and i cannot wait. i went and bought glow stick neckleces, for mine and their girls, snacks and drinks. always fun stuff durring the fireworks. i'm taking Kaitlyn to get her nails done. she's begging me to get mine, but "No thanks", just not for me anymore. i like em shorter for crafting. i told her if we sold a puppy today, she could get them. Looks like we'll sell two instead. The second lady works for the Kidney disease foundation. I LIKE that. ok, i'm off for a bit. Tammy
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"OMG can it get any worse???" lol

July 2nd 2007 06:03
Continued from my last post.....
so, i know there is something called "ask the dr", so i go to ask jeeves to find it. walla, there it is with this nice long form to fill out your question, add your phone number and e-mail. i tell him about my hike, about using mother natures toilet paper, "leaves" then i tell him i have, itching, swelling, redness, burning on my private. asking if theres anything i can use on it or should i go to the emergency room. i hit submit WITHOUT FULLY reading the page. it goes, and then sends me back to the original page. "IT's a DENTIST!!!!" <huge laugh and red faced>
OMG i need to go to bed. lol i just hope he doesn't call me. <huge laugh> i sooo don't want to go to the ER. can you imagine having to tell my little story and get to the part that i have poison something on my private


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Natures toilet paper "Sucks!!"

July 2nd 2007 02:48
We went for about a two mile walk yesterday on the new trail. Half way down, i got a little over heated like i often do and had to take a break. I used nature as my bathroom, going into the woods some. I say poisen ivy leaves and made sure i didn't use them as toilet paper, but i don't reckognize any other poisen leaves. Now starting late last night i have begun to itch alll over there. "Youve got to be kidding me!!!" anyone know whats safe to use there?? lol
It itches like crazy!!! Lucky for hubby we skipped last night. lol. That would have been very funny!!
Tammy
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mom just went into Resperatory Distress!

July 2nd 2007 01:50
my step dad just called!! The Dr just called him saying she went into resperatory distress and is now in ICU. I'm soo hurt because while talking to my step dad one of my younger brothers was bashing me because i didn't stay down there. Thats crap because my mom has been on and out of this all since November. I CAN'T just stay there. One i have NO one to stay with and hotels there are $70 a night even throup all those cheap hotel places, because it's twenty minutes from ST.Louis. i have animals galore, Kaitlyn has work. i just want to cry. How dare him. He's the brother taht goes around bashing everyone else behind their backs. He said to me when i was there, "so moms going to die on the table tomarow and your just going to go back to PA anyway!!" asshole!!! ffor one, he doesn't even know what the hell he's talking about because she wasn't going in for that sergury yt!! They still had, and still have no idea when they can remove the gang green foot because she isn't strong enough for the surgery. He bitches about my step dad to me,s ayiong he wants to becaome the one with all the rights over her, instead of my step dad cause he's not doing enough. My step dad has put up with that angry, hard to please, women for ten years. he does wonderful and the best he can with her. my brother just knows tyhat possibly someone can be sued fro her care and that she has gotten blood poisening twice now. it's all about money for him. Not my moms life thats slipping. she was too heavy and it took four people to move her, and my step dad couldn't do it so she had to go into the nursing home. we offered them to come here, but with what all was wrong with her, she couldn't. she's been back and fourth forever from the hospital to the home. He always wants to save her. Let the women pass if thats what she wants. stop freaken begging her to stay. her life isn't a life and i don't like the thought of never seeing her again, but i also don't like the thought of her laying there almost all the way blind, not able to walk since novemver, those soars all over her arms.
my brother tells us, "i sat there and fed her all her spaghetti and all her drink, her bread and stuff like he should get an award, like he's the only freaken one doing it. Kaitlyn feeds her every single time she goes. puts peanut butter on crackers my mom doesn't even know is there because they tell her but she forgets. but kaitlyn doesn't run out for recognition every time, telling everyone.
she's been in resperatory distress before, so theres always hope. <tears> my mom is dying though. when i go back down, and if Marcus says one fucking thing to me, i may punch him out. seriously, i wouldn't dare, but i'll sure wish i could and be imagining it in my mind. He's never been there for her. i have ALWAYS been there for her. even though she sold me from the age of 3-14, and beat us, and terrorized us, i LOVE her. she was all we ever had. and she punished herself for what she did to me,when i went into foster care at 17. she kept the blinds shut, and slept the rest of her life. getting up long enough to eat, then straight back to bed. She couldn't live with herself happy after what she had done. Many people said i should have went through, sending her to prison, but that was her prison. now i pray for her to forgive herself, which she won't do. i beg God to let her go to heaven and tell him if i can forgive her, that he should be able to too. i just want her to have life FINALLY and know how much i love her and forgive her.i don't know why she did what she did. we where very poor, and she wanted a better life for us. so she sold the only thing she had. "me


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