This was an un expected trip. last minute invite so i didn't get to prepare emotionally for leaving him. he called when kaitlyn was outside with my phone and when sh old me he called i got all excited like on a second date. we've been together going on ten years and i still get butterflies. he is everything to me and the kids. not alot of stepdads or adopted dads like him. when we first dated, it was a blind date. after the thrd date he still didn't kiss me, he was such a gentlemen.
i miss him!!! ok, my friend is out of the tub now. gotta go!!!
Tammy
it's funny, i don't think my friend has stopped smiiling since we got together. i'd like to think it's because of me, but when she went to take a bath and forgot her clothes, i knew it wasn't. <grins> guess bein naked all the time just sounded sooo good after a talk. ,<huge smile and wave>ok, so it's a lot of both. girl talk has been deep!!!
the girls are havng a fun time. my friends in the tub. i think i hear some buzzing noise in there. HMmmm sounds like an electric toothbrush. ,< giggles> wait, i don't think she has an electric toothbrush. <smiles>
Tammy
i woke up extremely nausous [whatever] today. sooo much so taht i litterly feel like i'm going to pass out. still no diognoses on what it is. i get these boughts strong and hard very often. i think i'm extremly sensative right now because once again i have failed to loose not one sigle pound. i chainged my eating and i execised daily. all my bloodwork came back good to no thyroid problems. i just don't understand. i want to do a gastric bypass to loose the weight because anything i try just isn't working but when doing recent research i learned of something called drop down, stomach drop or something to where your food goes down sooo fast at times that you get extreme nausia, and weakness. i already have been fighting extreme nausia for years now. i don't want bto make it worse but i have no choice. the world doesn't except me like this. they think i'm gross. about fifty pounds ago i vowed that if i hit a certain weight i'd kill myself then because the world just doesn't except. i'm now just twnty pounds from that goel. no i'm not going to kill myslef BUT i feel like i should hide from the world. just a couple days ago in line at a store i heard two woment chatting about someone being overwieght. a friend of theres and it just saddens me. people are sooo blunt. i jsut wanted to say "Hey, i'm fat!!" and go into detail on what i do and still can't loose. people just don't understand or care. why have people become sooo blunt and not care about others feelings. how can someone like me that struggles every single day about my weight not take that as a blow to me, and if i do get hurt because of it, then why then am i a bitch or toooo sensative???? i just don't understand this. can'tpeople just think about it a little bit and try and understand where over weight people are comming from!! i don't over eat, i baerly ever drink soda, i'm active every single day and my weight won't budge. now i have to turn to a surgery taht will make me sicker then i already am because the world just can't except taht we're all different and some of us come in bigger packages and that doesn't make us "LESS". because thats how i feel i'm seen. as LESS. not important but i wasn't living that way until i hear about people being over weight soooo much and how gross they are. i was just fine before then. yeah, i know i'm fat but i was staying that same fatness. why can't i be excepted the way i am and not feel that i have to go get my stomache cut the size of a pea becuase i'm less because i'm overweight. why can't i be seen as pretty flaw and alls. why can't people understand what I will feel like if they say things about people being fat, gross, slobs. why can't they just get together with all their skinny friends and talk about it away from our ears?? i have the best life and some times i think it's intentional to bring me down. to bring me to my knees. hurt with words because thats the only way and then giggle about it later, or even in front of me when the tears come. it's been building for awhile and now i feel like i just can't take one more comment about fat people. makes me want to run and barf after i eat because I HAVE NO RIGHT TO EAT. if i eat out in public i feel like all the skinny people are stairing at me like i have no RIGHT to eat. THis is a HUGE issue in mylife rihght now and will be until september, or well probably oct. since i'll be gone the whole month of september. i wish people could feel how hard i struggle and just can't loose. 1 in 200 die from gastric bypass. i am already hugely sensative to food, and practically everything. i know i shouldn't even be doing the surgery but i know i have no choice. it's either mess my self up or live in a world i'm not ever going to be excepted in.
Tammy
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