Life - what is it all about? Like, REALLY all about?
Just recently I felt like someone in a downward slalom race - trying to get through all the flags, but at the same time trying to get to the bottom as fast as possible, whilst still standing. All this dodging and trying to search out the best possible moves, looking forward for the best possible route... it all catches up with you.
Then you find yourself heading for a tree or snowballing your way down in a ball of ski's and limbs and snow and LOADS of exclamation marks! But at some point you have to reach the bottom. You have to finish the race. You have to come to a standstill, because that hill doesn`t go on forever. You have to pick yourself up, dust off the bits and check out the bruises and then gather yourself up and trudge right back up that hill and do it all over again - hopefully this time with the new knowledge of where the bumps are and where the trees are and how to move and shake your ass to stop you landing on your face.
So through all of this slaloming, someone said something to me the other day which really struck a chord and has bothered me ever since. I asked their opinion on whether or not to do something and the reply was - 'Why don`t you just do something ordinary?'
And it was then that i realised that`s exactly what i have become... ordinary. How drab and boring! When i left school I was ready to take on the world. I was shy and timid and blushed at everything, but I was ready to give it a try ... and try I did. Getting most of my uni out the way i packed my bags and landed in a foreign country where I had never been, to not a soul I knew and to a life I had not yet planned. And it was great!
I did completely stupid, irresponsible things for the first time in my life and the buzz of it became addictive and the stakes rose higher and higher - when you have nothing to lose you can afford to bet everything. I explored every aspect of myself and challenged myself to... well... nothing actually. Just to be. Just to take each day as it came and not think too much about the future.
But, as they do, all good things come to an end and I had to return to reality. I finished my degree and just before I got the chance to go back home, my family moved to the other side of the world, where I joined them. Since then my old role of being the responsibile one has returned and the years have piled their wares upon my shoulders, leaving me to feel like the donkey slowly trudging along with my load.
I`ve forgotten what it`s like to not worry about the future. I`ve forgotten what it`s like to just take each day as it comes. I`ve forgotten that the world continued to turn when I wasn`t at home, and even without me being there, everyone managed to get by on their own steam.
We sometimes tend to send out more of our energy than we can afford to, giving to others to the detriment of ourselves. But, when you live with it on a day to day basis, how do you manage to shut off the tap and just let your own energy flow around your own body for a while? Where do you draw the line between shouldering responsibility, just 'being ordinary' and living for yourself without feeling selfish? It`s easy to say - just do it, but it`s very hard to actually put that into action. Why do we have to go away to live the life that we should be living? I think us humans have it all wrong. We should be going on holidays to 'be ordinary', not the other way around.
There`s no one step forward, two steps back. There`s no six steps forward one step back. there just seems to be two feet firmly planted in the same place, whilst the world continues to spin and the weeds continue to grow and the meaning continues to blur with the rain that falls and the sun that shines and the moon that glows.
Then you find yourself heading for a tree or snowballing your way down in a ball of ski's and limbs and snow and LOADS of exclamation marks! But at some point you have to reach the bottom. You have to finish the race. You have to come to a standstill, because that hill doesn`t go on forever. You have to pick yourself up, dust off the bits and check out the bruises and then gather yourself up and trudge right back up that hill and do it all over again - hopefully this time with the new knowledge of where the bumps are and where the trees are and how to move and shake your ass to stop you landing on your face.
So through all of this slaloming, someone said something to me the other day which really struck a chord and has bothered me ever since. I asked their opinion on whether or not to do something and the reply was - 'Why don`t you just do something ordinary?'
And it was then that i realised that`s exactly what i have become... ordinary. How drab and boring! When i left school I was ready to take on the world. I was shy and timid and blushed at everything, but I was ready to give it a try ... and try I did. Getting most of my uni out the way i packed my bags and landed in a foreign country where I had never been, to not a soul I knew and to a life I had not yet planned. And it was great!
I did completely stupid, irresponsible things for the first time in my life and the buzz of it became addictive and the stakes rose higher and higher - when you have nothing to lose you can afford to bet everything. I explored every aspect of myself and challenged myself to... well... nothing actually. Just to be. Just to take each day as it came and not think too much about the future.
But, as they do, all good things come to an end and I had to return to reality. I finished my degree and just before I got the chance to go back home, my family moved to the other side of the world, where I joined them. Since then my old role of being the responsibile one has returned and the years have piled their wares upon my shoulders, leaving me to feel like the donkey slowly trudging along with my load.
I`ve forgotten what it`s like to not worry about the future. I`ve forgotten what it`s like to just take each day as it comes. I`ve forgotten that the world continued to turn when I wasn`t at home, and even without me being there, everyone managed to get by on their own steam.
We sometimes tend to send out more of our energy than we can afford to, giving to others to the detriment of ourselves. But, when you live with it on a day to day basis, how do you manage to shut off the tap and just let your own energy flow around your own body for a while? Where do you draw the line between shouldering responsibility, just 'being ordinary' and living for yourself without feeling selfish? It`s easy to say - just do it, but it`s very hard to actually put that into action. Why do we have to go away to live the life that we should be living? I think us humans have it all wrong. We should be going on holidays to 'be ordinary', not the other way around.
There`s no one step forward, two steps back. There`s no six steps forward one step back. there just seems to be two feet firmly planted in the same place, whilst the world continues to spin and the weeds continue to grow and the meaning continues to blur with the rain that falls and the sun that shines and the moon that glows.
Postmodern Critic
Daily Inspirations
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
I don't know if you'll like this idea, but why not combine travel with work? It's easy and inexpensive to do a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certificate or a similar qualification, then go off to places like Japan, South Korea, China, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Mexico, Central America and South America, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Eastern Europe or Spain (where they're pretty lax and you don't necessarily need to be a EU passport holder to get a job) and many more... English teachers tend to get paid above average rates for the community, and you will be respected and looked up to by your students and the greater community. You can get three-month, six-month or twelve-month contracts, so you have the opportunity to change your location when you've had enough of one particular place. And it's a great way to get a feel for the local culture, as you'll be surrounded by the natives. Better yet, there will be English-speaking people in your workplace who will make any culture shock easier to bear.
I hear you about constantly giving to others - I have been learning, no, I AM learning, to pay as much attention to myself as others, otherwise I won't be happy.
I shun all social expectations of me, and I believe everyone would be happier if they did so.
Mum's Word
Judging from what you've written in previous posts, you do give a lot of yourself to others. But you dear are not ordinary. Far from it.
You take photos of upturned shoes.
Life to me is about the everyday. The mundane and the exciting. And the older I get, the less I know. Or more accurately put, the more questions I ask.
Life is something we can't control.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
20/20 Filmsight
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My generation grew up with bright ideas... we were excited to be alive, to be young. We were going to be musicians, artists, activists.
What happened? Along the way, risks become riskier, I suppose. The security of that next paycheck at a dull job is more tempting than the risk of failure.
I blame our self-esteem. We were all raised to believe in ourselves as unique, special people. I had years of education where the sole virtue was on being independent and happy with who you are.
That's fine and great, but it led to another problem. How do unique, special people resign themselves to working ordinary jobs? Living in average suburbs?
There's a line of psychology at the moment which advocates that young people should be taught to have a realistic self-esteem, not a high self-esteem.
Kalikapsychosis
As usual, you got me on the same page....When you are there, you're an immovable crutch it seems...I too feel like Im standing still. Love Cibbys thoughts on it,
Brilliant.
The Florida Keys and Everglades
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The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
Some very interesting and insightful comments here. I'm with Mrs. M.--the older I get, the more I realize I have to learn yet!
Well, I think life should be what brings you satisfaction in the end. If helping people does that for you, don't let some Cosmo article tell you that's dull...
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
aww thanks hon, for your lovely praise.
I have looked into the TEFL course many times before and it looks really exciting with the promise of travel far and wide. I used to teach before I left home and vowed never to do so again, but that was with kids. I like the idea of teaching adults though - who actually want to learn.
I agree - we have to learn to pay ourselves as much attention as others - if not a little more because, let`s face it, if we haven`t looked after ourselves we won`t be able to do so for anyone else. I just find drawing the line a little difficult, and have learnt that you actually end up doing yourself more harm. People tend to start taking what you do for granted and so the little things grow into these gargantuan things with less and less appreciation.
I agree life is DEFINITELY about discovery and no matter how old we are we still have something to learn.
Ash x
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Good to see you! Thank you too for your lovely words. I thought....'hhhmmmm I just don`t DO ordinary'
I love this, because it`s so true! When we are younger we think we know everything and as we get older we realise how little we actually do know! I am reading a book at the moment about a woman who travelled to Bali in search of balance and boy do they do balance and control in massive doses!
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I would have to quote everything that you have said because it`s all so true. And our self-esteem does seem to take major blows in the society in which we live - we all have to have fast cars and big houses and six-figure jobs.
So for those of us who don`t quite fit that mould it becomes a little daunting as to where we actually do fit in to the big picture.
Thanks for stopping by.
Ash x
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Same bat time, same bat channel my dear! Maybe it`s an age thing?
It`s a good thing we ask questions though and not plod on through life like zombies.
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Good to see you again too. And as for the questions... I expect all our mothers will be glad that we are grown up and have partners or friends to spread the queries around to now!
I think a lot of the trouble is actually finding that something that brings you satisfaction. Helping people, to me, is something we should all do anyway, it`s just human nature really.Thank goodness I don`t read those girlie magazines or else i may really be in a bit of strife
Ash
Postmodern Critic
Daily Inspirations
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
I liked teaching first year students in Hong Kong, but then they were very well-behaved. Now that you're officially an Aussie citizen (yay for you!) you'll find it even easier to take a 'career break' and try teaching, if that's what you choose. If you DO decide to try it, I recommend just getting there and looking for work on the spot (you'd be surprised how many schools are always looking for teachers, and won't necessarily advertise the positions over the internet or in newspapers), because then you can physically interact with the school and its staff and see if it's an environment you want to be part of. I made up my mind to go to Poland on the basis of an online ad, and a telephone interview, but when I got there I didn't like the environment and as it was a small town there weren't a lot of other options, so I felt stuck and it didn't work out. So I would take a bit of money and sight-see while you look for jobs until you find something you like. But enough of advice you may not even need!
It sounds like you would benefit from being more mindful of your limits, and not feeling guilty when you can't meet needs that are only there because of your willingness to go above and beyond in the first place. Why not explain to the people who expect you to act a certain way that you need to focus on yourself for a change? They might feel inconvenienced at first, but when they think about it they'll probably realise that the prior arrangement was never really fair on you to begin with. And after a while, everyone will be happy.
Cibby raised some interesting points, but I don't think your self-esteem can ever be too high. Better to feel dissatisfied because you have high standards than to be content because you're easily satisfied. There is still time to chase after your dreams - you're never too old to do that!
I'll speak from personal experience - for the last few years I've been trying to take on some of the roles that I felt my society was expecting me to seek out and be satisfied with, despite knowing that they would never satisfy me. I was afraid of success, should I pursue my dreams and actually get somewhere - what then? Well, I'm now auditioning for singing jobs, and getting a move on with the book I've been writing since I was 18, and I feel much better. Perhaps no job I take will ever be 100% satisfying, but I'm closer to making my dreams come true by committing to making myself happier.
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
An interesting question, one which I think D has the best answer to *chuckle*
However, I must point out that there have been two lunar eclipses this month, which has left every woman I know feeling empty, flat, what's the pointish, etc... as for the men? don't know, my husband slept more - as did we all?
Meanwhile, an answer to this question I found when I was 25.
You play and work and meditate.
But still your mind desires
That which is beyond everything.
Where all desires vanish.
Striving is the root of sorrow.
But who understands this?
Only when you are blessed
With the understanding of this teaching
Will you find freedom.
ha hahaha Ive gone beyond that now, to that place beyond ... (some would call it well beyond) *chuckle* but always remember this simple verse whenever I am tempted to try and understand that which is beyond what I understand.
We only have here and now... let us hope we dont bore ourselves
Hugs, and look forward to confirmation on hills destination
Lilla ...
Kalikapsychosis
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
I think you betray these qualities and you have a sense of great artistry in many of your photos.
Don't doubt, ever, yourself; you have the spiritual strength to overcome what thwarts you, for extraordinary things come from ordinary people, who persist, who keep searching and asking questions, and who keep challenging the mental boxes and fences the 'herd' wishes to put in one's way.
People tend to start taking what you do for granted and so the little things grow into these gargantuan things with less and less appreciation.
Families are necessary, on many levels, yet they can also be the yolk that keeps us in the same rut.
I think your sense of family loyalty and the guilt that imbues, may hinder your sense of freedom.
However, we are free within ourselves, always.
We can learn to set the necessary boundaries needed to achieve our goals and yet still honour our sense of duty and love, to those we care about.
I have family commitments that restrict me in many ways, yet, I willingly do what is required, it is my peronal commitment, and my choice.
That is what is important, that you create a sitution that is your choice, and not what you think is expected of you by others.
Giving is important for the soul and the mind, but there are limits to everything.
cheers lovely,
fog
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
ahhh, one more step to go and then I`m an Aussie, but it`s pretty much in the bag YAY!!!!
I would like to teach again I guess, but in a smaller classroom of older children. I don`t think I could hack trying to control 30 kids for an entire day again, it`s just too much on the nerves! If parents deserve medals I think teachers deserve trophies - at least as a parent you can scream and shout and pull your hair out - a teacher must remain in control at all times.
That`s an interesting point you raise. Is someone easily satisfied, or do they just have different goals? My best friend drives me nuts because she is quite happy to have a simple life, simple job, simple existence. But at the end of the day, those are her goals - she isn`t easily satisfied, she is just satisfied simply.
I am often envious (ooooh I know we shouldn`t envy others) of those who lead this life, to just be. It's naive, but questioning life can be exhausting and emotionally draining at times when we can`t find the off switch.
We are never too old to learn, you are right. However, it`s just trying to find the path you want to be on that presents the problem. It`s finding that crossroads where all the paths cross and you can sit in the middle of it and allow everything to simply flow toward you, instead of taking weary steps down each one to find something. It`s about finding the balance with everything that we want out of life and everything we don`t want, but have to have. It`s about being content with the fact that all questions don`t have to have answers right away.
But that`s what it is to me. Everyone is different, thank goodness!
I`m really happy to hear that you are persuing your dreams - that`s fantastic and I wish you all the success in the world with it. You sound as if you have the drive to make your dreams become a reality.
I don`t really look to what society wants from me, to be honest. I grew up in a small town and learnt that lesson very quickly. As they say today`s headlines wrap tomorrow`s fish and chips.... or something along those lines. It`s satisfying the baser human needs in order to cater for the higher level ones. Survival is number one and we have to have a job that will satisfy those needs before we can start working our way up the pyramid to satisfy the others. But what happens when you are a person, like Cibby said,
That`s the cruncher I guess!
Anyways I`ve rambled on now!!! Thanks for your comment, it`s always good to have others opinions, it tends to shed light on the darker aspects of our own which we overlook sometimes., looking at things from different points of view
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
ahhh so there was something out there causing all this chaos and confusion hey? That`s good to know!
I most certainly don`t bore myself. LOL that would be refreshing sometimes actually!
This really stuck out for me - it`s so true. Once we begin striving for something , even if we achieve it we find a way to see our failure, instead of simply enjoying the journey. And then once we have achieved that we turn our sights to something else to stive for, carrying the failures of the previous ride to pile onto this new set.
Sigh. It`s all so complex isn`t it????? I enjoyed the talk this last week, even though some of it was a little confusing because I wasnt sure of some of the terminology. I`m going to try and make it back again this week again... I`m curious as to what happens next!
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Thank you so much for your kind words, you have brought a huge ray of sunshine to my world this evening!
I think this:
is brilliant! I love it and I`m putting it on my quote wall... which is kinda turning into a quote house now! hahaha
And this:
You are a wise one Fog, a very wise one! Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
Ash
Postmodern Critic
Daily Inspirations
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
It's naive, but questioning life can be exhausting and emotionally draining at times when we can`t find the off switch.
I only feel exhausted and emotionally drained when I'm not questioning life, but I know everyone's different.
today`s headlines wrap tomorrow`s fish and chips
That's a great line, a reminder to keep everything in perspective.
I guess I've never felt like I was being placed in a position to feel 'ordinary' - I've always felt like my circumstances were unique, even if I can't live in the country I would like to most or be surrounded by luxury 24/7.
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
You are the anti-ordinary friend! You are all about living well, seeing the big things in the small things, and finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. So there!
Mis
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
ah yeah, if we could have the life we so desired. I was sent an email the other day which really put just that into perspective though.
We actually DO already have the life we desire, it`s right there, but we spend so much time looking to the future and worrying about it that we tend to overlook the fact that we are living it all out right now.
It`s all fallen into place for me recently, we are very fonrtuinate to live where we do.
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Your comments always make me smile and feel so much better! From one anti-ordinary to another I`ll raise my hot chocolate in a great big CHEERS!
Ash
What's Your Story?
Big Day Plunge
You are hardly ordinary. Hardly dear, hardly.
Thank you for this.
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
An afterthought .. because I could relate to so much of your story as my own, having also traversed the planet in my youth to re-locate and live a carefree existence. No doubt about it, we are the lucky ones .. or are weI'm not big on responsibility, but have found life cannot preogress without it after a certain age without great loss to self esteem and happiness. It is the downside of life I guess. It must be balanced with joy, no doubts, but i'll talk about that later..
As I see it, the truth is everyone is self absorbed. The point is that if a person remains altruistic, self absorption is not a bad thing within itself, if what you learn whilst immersed within your absorption eventually benefits the people around you .. Or is it? the truth is it is all self seeking, isn't it? .. whether my aim is to help others, or simply to help myself .. but atleast by helping others I lift myself a little, it feels good.
No doubts about it, no one likes the idea of getting older and eventually we are all faced with the problem of leaving something behind, of value, something to say we have passed this way and made a positive contribution to the place for having passed through. Progress seems to be hot wired into our DNA. For most it reamins a simple need to fulfill ... the ultimate responsibility of putting down roots and having a family .. that bug can bite hard and I am not sure it is necessary? I only know a handful of women who managed to avoid being bitten by that one. The point for me perhaps is that most of my friends are not married and have no children? ... if our friends reflect who we are, then that poses another riddle for me to solve, which I'll get absorbed in later?
... but back on topic, no one likes the idea of getting older and the relisation of the impermanence of life... not when we first thought we would live forever. Well a part of us does, not for many not the main part that counts... and suddenly we are faced with the quandry of finding a point. It all reminds me of this plaque that was on a wall in a friends house in India whilst I lived there. It simply said; ..Gods gift to you is your life, your gift to God is what you do with it .. she had polio and those awful old fashioned callipers, but was such a fighter to find the joy hidden within each day of her life. I remember feeling ashamed at my seemingly woeful dramas at the time and soon fell silent, I can tell you. It was a real wake up call for me.
Perhaps therein lies the seed of truth to the purpose of life? The seed of joy ~ that gem of a nugget that lies within each day, the one we must mine so hard to find. That journey that is periless in navigating drama, people, events and places ~ or avoiding them ~ as the case may be... simply to make a day that helps us each find that speck of bliss (no bigger than a speck of dust) .. there, hiding in each day.
Perhaps we are all miners and farmers?
I have found that the only way to find the path is through meditation (only a few minutes each morning focused on my breathing)... but all the same a still place to contemplate what the big words mean to me... words like patience, peace, equinamity and impermanace. A moment to focus on ascended masters and saints and how they viewed life through the faith of there being a seed joy there in the first place. Looking for the statue within the marble, just like Michealangelo. Hahaha God I can waffle on, however, having said all that, Ash, if you ever find a way of *getting there* without taking two steps forward and one back, please let me know... for now I'll just keep climbing those endless stairs each week in this reality *wink* assured that if I was able to take six steps at once, I might miss the speck of joy in the blurr created by my own jet stream.
C U there
Lilla ...
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Sorry I missed your comment! Thank you for your kind words - I hope that you manage to fill that void, it`s not great walking around with a gaping hole, I know the feeling well mysefl!
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
You make a valid point - we are all self-absorbed to a a point - I think that`s our survival for we cannot totally live for others. I`m beginning to wonder if helping others is actually worth it, because you are making someone else`s life easier whilst making your own more difficult - help out 5 people and you just made your own life 5 times harder. Plus they start taking it for granted at times and then it`s no longer helping but gets expected!
This is something that I constantly battle with - when we are too busy to enjoy the little moments in life then we know we need to do something to change it!
Your words have sunk in well today, as has your post on carpe diem. Thank you for sharing them
Ash