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Driving Lesson

September 1st 2010 22:14
We all have stories like this, something happened when we were children that molded us into the people we are. We wish we could break the mold. Go back in time and undo the recording. I am not saying that if we were abused we grow up to be ax murders. I am saying that everyday how we deal with what we are told and how we are treated is what decides what roads we have in life. I am saying that everything is relevant. It doesn’t set who we are it gives us a choice of who we want to be. That choice is not always easy to see.

A 10 year old can’t see the big picture, it wasn’t that my dad didn’t love me, it was that he had another person to love. I took the road of wanting people to like me and pretending it did matter if they didn’t.

Life is a road. If we could make the perfect choice every time, I think it would straight and easy! But we are all human and make choices that are not perfect. We think that it is the right and perfect choice, but hind sight is 20/20. Seeing our mistakes and learning from them is what life is all about. If fact I will on of my favorite sayings is “there are no mistakes in life only lessons to learn from, whether we learn from them or not is where and when it become a mistake”.

I would not change any of the choices I made – they made me who I am. I think that life would have/could have been/be “easier” but at what cost? Lesson I learned from my 10 year old experience - there is plenty of love to go around, sometime you just have to be patient.
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The Road Block

August 29th 2010 16:01
My first bump was when I was about 7. My little brother was born and well “that was what made our family complete.” You see, I was the “son” my father wanted. I worshipped him. I wanted to be a boy. I wanted to hunt and fish and work on cars. When I was growing up there were still roles that males and females played. But I didn’t want to cook, clean or play house. That was my older sisters’ domain. She helped mom and I helped dad. Until that day….

It really didn’t happen until I was about 10 and my brother was about 3. I had heard all the talk from dad – now I have a boy to teach. I will teach him to hunt and fish and work on cars. We will be best friends, spend a week at camp being guys. I just keep tell myself he wouldn’t forget me, we had done so much together. He wouldn’t forget all the fun we had. I would still be his “vicki-dozie” he would still mess up my hair and say “what do you think, vic, should we tear out the engine or just scrap the car?”. But, I was still being programmed by what was said. Even if we don’t listen, we hear and what we hear programs us. Am I good enough? Does he still love me? Doubt, the first bump…

Then finally the road block, no you can’t go hunting it’s the guy’s time. It wasn’t that I wanted to be a guy. I just wanted to be with my dad, remember I worshipped him. Then the recorder in my head, repeating “you are not good enough” and the other voice “uummm are you sure”. Sure! Are you kidding me, when are we ever sure. We look to others for that reassurance; I looked to my sister, who was about 12. Her advise, “get use to it”. And there is the detour, head down the road of self doubt.
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The Road

August 28th 2010 17:30
Life is a road; it can seem straight and narrow or a 4 lane freeway. Mine has been a 4 lane freeway, with pot holes, heavy construction and a lot of detours.

I started out pretty straight and definitely narrow. I grew up in a small town in Upper Michigan, with parents that dated then married. No previous relationship baggage, no old flings to compare each other to. They were together for better or worse, but I don’t think either knew what better or worse was.

Neither had that high school crush that broke their heart nor that early relationship that destroyed their self worth and definitely not that love affair that soared to the highest levels only to raise the expectation to a level that cannot be sustained. They had each other – for better or worse.

That was the good old days… now days we test drive everything. We date as many different “types” to try and find our “type” or we date the same “type” with the same results. Maybe we don’t date at all; we just “hang out”. We search for the perfect relationship, not know that every time we try, we change ourselves. We add more baggage. We clutter our thought and feeling with what-ifs. With every change we need something different.

Well that’s where I start – the life journey. The road to happiness, fulfillment or is it just a journey that never ends?
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