Orble - Life according to Jane

Life according to Jane

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broken silence

September 28th 2011 11:35

I must have jinxed it. In the last three days, as many friends have asked me how long it's been since I heard from the TBE, and I have responded that it's the longest period yet - 4 weeks I believe.

And then today, there he pops up on my iPhone, with the preview panel showing he is rolling out the same old lines he's been pushing at me for the last ten months...."We never loved each other..." I didn't bother opening it and hit delete.

Firstly, don't speak for me. This "we" does not fly. I loved the guy so much I was prepared to live with all the shortcomings and stood by him when my family and closest friends walked away because he said he wanted to change all the traits that made those people turn their backs.

Secondly, don't be so cowardly to continually send emails, especially when they only ever come through between 10pm and 6am. Doesn't really indicate serious thought, or a serious attempt to try and make the changes he said he wanted to make, or to even contact me if he has something genuine to say.

And despite thinking I was close to moving on, just seeing his name pop up in my inbox is enough to stop my heart for both the best and the worst reasons. And so my day was ruined and I bailed on a fabulous event that involved free champagne to come home and hide from the world. Again.

I am hopeful that one day that will no longer be the case.

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Cry, cry again

September 13th 2011 12:49

I know that I am an emotional being, especially over the course of the last 11 months, but today I have cried three times and that's a lot even for me.

I have been at home with a cold for the last day and a half and I have forgotten how much being unwell takes its emotional toll on me. I know I feel very sorry for myself when I am under the weather, but today I was reminded of to what a great extent when I ended up in tears three times in the space of as many hours.

Cry #1: a client who I haven't spoken to for a while called me. He knows of my "situation" and regularly expresses what appears to be genuine concern. After discussing basic work stuff, he asked "so how are you?" and when I said fine, he responded with, "no, really?" at which point I basically had to hold back the tears and switch back into work mode.

Cry #2: having recovered from cry #1, I composed myself, took the muppet to the park and called my mum. Bad idea, as she said that she wants to pay for the fur-baby's accommodation while I go to Europe in a few weeks. She said that sending me champagne or something similar while I was away when I was getting away to avoid the anniversary of the wedding didn't seem appropriate but she still wanted to do something for me to try and make things better. So of course that made me cry. My parents are amazing.

Cry #3: One of my very good girlfriends is about to move back to Perth and tonight we had agreed to have dinner. With such limited time left with this fabulous lady, I dragged myself off the couch and went to meet her, and over the course of dinner and discussing her leaving, I told her about one of the times that I realised just how fabulous she is. It was after returning from my honeymoon I had breakfast with her and she sat down all happy asking how it was. I remember basically bursting into tears and telling her everything - everything I had been hiding for a year. That night was the first night of what became a fortnight spent on my bestie's couch, and while I was there she called my bestie. Not knowing I was there, not knowing what had happened that day to lead me to leaving, but just to say how worried she was about me. And I just happened to be there to overhear it, and I realised that this amazing, fabulous lady really cared about me. So of course as I told her this, I cried for the third time today.

Thank goodness I got to come home and switch on the Bachelorette and realise that everyone else is struggling too. Even if it is a contrived and commercially packaged way.

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is there a real in reality tv any more?

September 6th 2011 11:34

Sometimes I find it difficult to believe that there was ever a time when reality tv didn't exist. When the novelty is still going strong, sometimes I wonder what on earth we all used to watch before the appetites of our inner voyeurs were so adequately fed.

And as much as I hate most of them, as I sit here itching for the start of The Bachelorette, I have to admit that this is one set of lives I am more than happy to peek into.

Seriously, people REALLY go on TV to find a husband? I find dating incredibly daunting at the best of times - wondering what to say, if I have food in my teeth, if my jokes are funny, the list goes on - so how on earth do these people even attempt to have a "date" when there are clearly cameras everywhere?

At least she's guaranteed to have fabulous hair and make-up on every date.

It does, however, also leave one with a possibly false sense of hope that there are at least twenty men who could become so enamoured with me in an insanely short period of time, that they'd be prepared to hang around while I made out and dated all the other nineteen to "make sure".

Hmmm. Maybe not so reality. And maybe that's why I like it.

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Irony

August 25th 2011 01:51

I've been told several times through the horrific ordeal that has been my life over the last ten months that the universe has a strange sense of humour when it comes to these things. I assume by "these things", people mean "the sheer horror of your life right now".

I have very recently had two very clear, bash you over the head so you definitely don't miss the humour, type examples of this

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The Rules

August 23rd 2011 10:26

The rules of dating has experienced yet another resurgence thanks to Blake Lively's apparent use of them to woo Leonardo DiCaprio, and it seems that one of my colleagues has her own version of them.

This is the girl who recently had three dates in as many days, after what she told me is a two and a half year hiatus from dating. Although it actually turned out to be two dates when the third guy (of course the hottest and the one she actually wanted to date the most) cancelled on her at the last minute

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the dating game

August 10th 2011 10:14

In the last two days I have had two very interesting conversations about dating. The first was last night with my fabulous friend Damien who also made me dinner and then put highlights in my hair and cut my fringe for me. He's so fabulous. But I digress.

Damien and I were discussing the many complaining women in Sydney whose major gripe is the lack of available men. Damien's theory is that there are so many available men that Sydney ladies have just become fussy to the point those that are around are no longer acceptable

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from the sublime to the ridiculous

August 3rd 2011 08:45

I think everyone has those days where you really can't believe how quickly things go downhill or how you end up in such a non-fabulous state when the day started with such potential to be awesome. Friday was one such day.

I started the day interviewing for a pr management job in one of the country's top fashion houses. I like my current job and hadn't even applied for this one, so the fact they even wanted to talk to me at all was enough to send me into a clothing frenzy. After a mad panicked sixty minutes in Pitt Street mall the night prior, I have to admit I was reasonably pleased with the ensemble I had pulled together. Bank balance not so pleased, but this called for new clothes

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The guilt trip

July 19th 2011 10:42

I got taken on a trip the other night. It wasn't to anywhere very fun. It was the good old guilt trip.

I know that in the past I have tried to take people to that destination, but I stopped because in a nutshell it's really not a very nice place to visit, or to be the driver on, and everyone ends up feeling quite bad I think. Even if the person being taken on the guilt trip ends up doing what you want, I think you end up feeling guilty too because you know they've ultimately done it because they feel like they should, and not because they really want to. And that's pretty crap, even if that is total girl logic

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Everything at once

July 18th 2011 08:00

The saying when it rains it pours must have come from somewhere and it has been ringing true for me the last few days. First, the TBE has once again popped back up via holier than thou text messages, letting me know not only does he understand why I left (although not agreeing with me doing so), that he has realised I didn't have his back, so never really loved him and he hopes I find happiness elsewhere, as he will when he remarries one day.

Thanks SO much for letting me know you're already thinking about your next wife

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The List

July 14th 2011 22:56

Recently I restarted a list that I had begun months ago. It's a list of all the reasons I shouldn't go back to the TBE and it mostly consists of awful things he did and said as a result of what I can now see are very real issues.

Writing that list has been very difficult which is why it has taken me so long. I started it when I first left as a reminder of why I can't go back when I was still thinking I wanted to, but I would always end up in tears, so I could only ever write a few lines and I'd have to stop. And every time I do open it and try to add to it, part of me gets so angry at him for all the horrible things he did, and part of me gets angry at myself for letting it go on for as long as it did. How could I have thought it would change when he never showed any real signs of wanting it to? And then I feel like an idiot for giving away the last of my 20s to a man who so clearly only cares about himself. How did I ever convince myself he really loved me when sitting there now in black and white is so much evidence to the contrary? The sad thing is that evidence was always there in the back of my mind, I just refused to acknowledge it

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September 2011

3 Posts

August 2011

4 Posts

July 2011

16 Posts