"The Rules" in a digital world
November 30th 2007 21:48
Question - are social networking sites and the increasing reliance on digital technology to communicate producing increasingly socially inept members of society?
My answer is a resounding yes.
I am sure we all know someone who works in IT who would prefer to send an email than actually speak to you face to face. I used to work with a guy who was spitting distance from my desk and he would still send emails to just say hello rather than turn around. But with the onslaught of sites like Facebook and MySpace, it seems that otherwise normal people become afraid to rely on good old face to face, or even voice to voice communication, and instead prefer to dash off dozens of wall to wall posts or private messages.
Of course I am a big Facebook fan, and I love the option of texting when a real life phone call is still on the too scary side of my confidence level. It enables sussing someone out in a relatively safe environment and getting to know them (as well as you can online - there are all those scary men pretending to be hot babes after all) without the real life time and effort.
The problem with social networking site is, if you meet someone new and communicate with them through these means, it gives a false sense of relationship. Take my recent experiences. I met a guy who seemed nice. Not in an I-want-to-have-your-babies kind of nice, but an I-am-fairly-new-to-the-city-a nd-would-like-new-friends kind of way. This guy found me on Facebook the day after we had met, a meeting during which I was fairly inebriated I might add. Regardless, he found me (the joys of having an uncommon surname) and sent me a message around 9am the next morning. At first I thought nothing of it. I couldn't respond for 24 hours anyway since I was at the too hungover to actually move stage, but looking back that should have served as a warning.
This guy has lost all sense of social etiquette. As time and our Facebook chat went on it became apparent he was trying to ask me out, and whilst he did pick up the phone to confirm catch-up details, his online presence was far too eager, and his responses far too rapid.
At risk of sounding like a 1950s devotee of the "Rules", if someone other than one of my best friends with whom I am having an ongoing D&M through cyberspace replies to a Facebook message within a minute, I find that a little odd. It is like this guy is permanently hitting refresh. Being the 1950s type, I wait at least several hours before responding to a message from a boy. This serves a couple of purposes:
1. I don't look too eager. That old adage treat them mean and keep them keen exists for a reason
2. I don't want to look like I have nothing better to do than sit and wait for people to write to me on Facebook. Regardless of what you may think of my first reason, this one is totally legit and I don't understand why others don't want to present the same way.
I also think online communication makes it easier to send the "want to get together tonight?" message without proper planning. Again my 1950s alter ego has to kick in here. If I'm asked out on a Thursday afternoon for the following Friday night, I'm fairly likely to say no even if I don't actually have plans. Again, this is for a couple of reasons.
1. Who wants to admit that a day out from Friday they have nothing to do? It sends all kinds of wrong messages.
2. Notice please! Don't assume I am sad enough to be at reason #1, even if I am.
3. A nighttime weekend date as a first date is a big call. First dates are best during the week, less pressure, and the time seems less precious.
Anyway, so the date happened (after clever movement on my part from Friday night to Sunday afternoon) and it turns out my concerns about his online behaviour were spot on. After said date, he Facebooks me again almost immediately. Again, too much, too soon! Five days of online chat does not a relationship make. I increase the delays between responses to days instead of hours, and I get a demanding phone-call where a clearly irritated Mr Socially Inept practically shouts down the line "What is going on? Why haven't I heard from you?"
I think after only two days, and only one date, a better question may have been "Busy week, huh?"
Facebook has clearly sent the message to this guy that two days of no contact is like a lifetime. Back here in the real world, two days means you are just busy. That you have a life that sometimes prevents you from being glued to your computer 24/7. Which I don't think is a bad thing. At least Facebook has a blocking function.
My answer is a resounding yes.
I am sure we all know someone who works in IT who would prefer to send an email than actually speak to you face to face. I used to work with a guy who was spitting distance from my desk and he would still send emails to just say hello rather than turn around. But with the onslaught of sites like Facebook and MySpace, it seems that otherwise normal people become afraid to rely on good old face to face, or even voice to voice communication, and instead prefer to dash off dozens of wall to wall posts or private messages.
Of course I am a big Facebook fan, and I love the option of texting when a real life phone call is still on the too scary side of my confidence level. It enables sussing someone out in a relatively safe environment and getting to know them (as well as you can online - there are all those scary men pretending to be hot babes after all) without the real life time and effort.
The problem with social networking site is, if you meet someone new and communicate with them through these means, it gives a false sense of relationship. Take my recent experiences. I met a guy who seemed nice. Not in an I-want-to-have-your-babies kind of nice, but an I-am-fairly-new-to-the-city-a nd-would-like-new-friends kind of way. This guy found me on Facebook the day after we had met, a meeting during which I was fairly inebriated I might add. Regardless, he found me (the joys of having an uncommon surname) and sent me a message around 9am the next morning. At first I thought nothing of it. I couldn't respond for 24 hours anyway since I was at the too hungover to actually move stage, but looking back that should have served as a warning.
This guy has lost all sense of social etiquette. As time and our Facebook chat went on it became apparent he was trying to ask me out, and whilst he did pick up the phone to confirm catch-up details, his online presence was far too eager, and his responses far too rapid.
At risk of sounding like a 1950s devotee of the "Rules", if someone other than one of my best friends with whom I am having an ongoing D&M through cyberspace replies to a Facebook message within a minute, I find that a little odd. It is like this guy is permanently hitting refresh. Being the 1950s type, I wait at least several hours before responding to a message from a boy. This serves a couple of purposes:
1. I don't look too eager. That old adage treat them mean and keep them keen exists for a reason
2. I don't want to look like I have nothing better to do than sit and wait for people to write to me on Facebook. Regardless of what you may think of my first reason, this one is totally legit and I don't understand why others don't want to present the same way.
I also think online communication makes it easier to send the "want to get together tonight?" message without proper planning. Again my 1950s alter ego has to kick in here. If I'm asked out on a Thursday afternoon for the following Friday night, I'm fairly likely to say no even if I don't actually have plans. Again, this is for a couple of reasons.
1. Who wants to admit that a day out from Friday they have nothing to do? It sends all kinds of wrong messages.
2. Notice please! Don't assume I am sad enough to be at reason #1, even if I am.
3. A nighttime weekend date as a first date is a big call. First dates are best during the week, less pressure, and the time seems less precious.
Anyway, so the date happened (after clever movement on my part from Friday night to Sunday afternoon) and it turns out my concerns about his online behaviour were spot on. After said date, he Facebooks me again almost immediately. Again, too much, too soon! Five days of online chat does not a relationship make. I increase the delays between responses to days instead of hours, and I get a demanding phone-call where a clearly irritated Mr Socially Inept practically shouts down the line "What is going on? Why haven't I heard from you?"
I think after only two days, and only one date, a better question may have been "Busy week, huh?"
Facebook has clearly sent the message to this guy that two days of no contact is like a lifetime. Back here in the real world, two days means you are just busy. That you have a life that sometimes prevents you from being glued to your computer 24/7. Which I don't think is a bad thing. At least Facebook has a blocking function.
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