1. Do more shopping at Harrod's--every item I bought has proved to be a treasure, the service is superb, Mohammed Al-Fayed doesn't own the store any longer, and they do all the VAT refund paperwork for you.
2. DON'T look at the endless queue for VAT refunds and think, "I'll just mail in the forms when I get back to Australia." It doesn't work that way. No customs stamp, no refund.
3. DON'T pour your favourite hair care products in those stupid little travel bottles they sell at the chemist's. Those little bottles leak. Anyway, the hotel will always have little bottles of shampoo and conditioner.
4. Do buy James Brown London hair products and bring them back--I'm having trouble finding his superb hair masque in Sydney.
5. DON'T take high heels. Yes, you were determined to dress properly for the theatre and prove that not ALL tourists are badly dressed. You ended up giving those shoes to a charity op shop in Bayswater. Flats will do.
6. Do stay near an indoor pool, and take your swimming cossie. Britain is not famous for hygienic swimming pools, but it's good to be able to keep at least part of your workout routine whilst on holiday. Just ignore the balls of dust/mould/discarded bandages under the changing room benches.
7. Do have an ample supply of benzos and prescription painkillers in your handbag. They come in handy when all ten babies on the flight start to scream in unison.
8. DON'T take your husband. After all, someone's got to stay home and mind the cats.
9. Do take your yoga mat, or at least remember to ask the hotel whether the floors are carpeted or not. A shoulder stand should not be done on a hardwood floor.
10. DON'T make airport pickup or other transport arrangements through an Australian agency. They'll fuck it up.
11. Do remember to take that neck pillow you bought at Harrod's. Made the return journey a lot more comfortable than the outbound one, didn't it?
12. Do spend more time south of the river Thames, and pay another visit to Southwark Cathedral. Maybe this time you'll get a glimpse of Dawkins Magnificat, the Cathedral's official feline.
13. DON'T wait too long to go back!
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