September 28th 2006 01:20
Well it's time for me to bite the bullet. I'm going to call the Gambling Anonymous no. Not before time really. I thought I could kick the habit on my own. But it's not proving as simple as that. At least these people might have some coping mechanisms that I'm not aware of. Maybe... Anyhow this is my last blog as I'm over ranting about my pathetic addiction. It's time to go and do something about it instead of talking about it.
Good luck.
September 12th 2006 04:43
I've been so good! I haven't touched a machine for 3 whole days. Doesn't sound long I know but hey it's a long time for me. I've been thinking about my failed hypnotherapy treatment that I undertook about a year ago. It cost me $180 for an individual session. The guy took my money and created a CD that was specifically tailored to my poker machine addiction. It didn't work. I was hypnotised. I listened to the CD every night at the same time before I went to sleep. But I kept gambling regardless of the hypnosis CD. Anyway, I've been thinking that perhaps I should try it again now that I'm serious about shaking this addiction for good. The hypnotherapist visits here about once every 6 months so he's about due to visit again pretty soon. Hopefully this time I can use the CD to its full advantage. I wonder about other people's experiences with hypnosis? A lot of local people attended the group therapy where he hypnotised people who wanted to lose weight and give up smoking. But I never followed up their results.
Thinking about my sporadic foray into the gambling world makes me think I may have it all wrong. Could it be that as a result of wanting to drink I started to gamble. Playing a poker machine does after all legitimise a woman drinking on her own during the day. For example, if I wanted a drink and didn't gamble how suss would I look sitting on my own in a club? Very. But. If I have a drink while I'm playing a machine then I don't look so much like a target. Then again, if I'm at home and I have a drink I still feel like a want to gamble so that sort of destroys my theory. But for the past two days I haven't drunk or gambled. So perhaps I can redeem myself. Perhaps I'm simply bored. And if I had full-time work things would change? Or maybe I'd just put more money in the machines. The main thing this week is to stay off the machines. And do what Phil suggested and decrease my credit card limit. I'm going to do this now.
I've spent my $5k tax cheque finally. Paid all my bills up. I did spend a bit on the pokies but I didn't start on them till my bills were paid, so I feel OK about that. I could have displayed a bit more will power but was happy with how the week panned out. The best bit is that now I have no cash left I won't be thinking about going and slapping it. In the meantime I just have to leave the credit card alone. I paid a big chunk of that off; the problem with that is that it gives me more to play with. I think I'll give it to my sister so that I don't touch it. No that won't work as it's linked to my bank account. Bummer. May have to consider paying it right off and then chopping it up. I've only kept it for emergencies but I don't really need it. Just another part of denial I suppose. If I pretend I need it for emergencies then I get to keep it for other things like gambling. I was pretty happy that I paid so much off it. But that won't matter if I start on it again...
I received my tax refund on Tuesday. Knowing what danger I was in - having $5,000 cash in my account - I went on a spending spree. Paid all my bills online and even put money on bills that weren't due for another month or so in an attempt to empty my bank account. But the inevitable occurred and off I went to the club. I was out for 6 hours. And at the end of this time I'd spent $390. I didn't even see a win! Disgraceful. Now it's 2 days later and I've finally managed to empty my account. How sad it is to know that I can't be trusted to have cold cash in my hand. But there it is. The good thing is that this splurge is still stinging. Yesterday and the day before I didn't leave the house. And today I have to go into town. But I'm not going near the club as I haven't any money left which is a good thing. I'm going to try and continue with my "cold turkey" approach. As long as I have a project for myself around 3-5pm daily everything will be Ok. I've started cooking exotic recipes to fill in this time.
August 24
Thankfully my remorse has continued into today. I deliberately went and spent my pay early this morning so I wouldn't be tempted to go and blow it on the machines this afternoon. If the government/s (both Federal and State) weren't so dependent upon gambling revenue to fill their fiscal coffers, I wouldn't have this addiction. For goodness sake, earlier this year they forced an increased tax on poker machines onto the clubs (us the punters!). Since this time poker machine winnings have begun their descent into minimal pays - as if they ever paid well! Many people agree. The clubs have subsequently labelled everything in sight with Gambling Anonymous stickers screaming out help line phone numbers. But if the governments were serious about helping problem gamblers they'd take the machines out of the clubs. In WA for example the pokies are where they should be - in the casino. In Canberra they don't allow pokies in their casino - go figure? They are in every pub and club but not in the casino. The agencies that typically assist problem gamblers are not-for-profit organisations like the Salvation Army. These organisations should be funded by the government taxes we pay for playing the machines. But they are financed by the NGOs. This practice seems quite unfair. Anyhow it's really irrelevant, because similar to smoking, now that so many people are affected/addicted the pokies are here to stay. There needs to be a groundswell of public opinion to ensure they are moved out of clubs and pubs and into casinos. It's time for the blood-sucking governments to help break the gambling cycle!
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Comment by Kylie
on Ultimate decision
All the best.
Kylie