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Hey gang! I'm out of town a while, but I found these juicy bits of funniness. Take few minutes to giggle at some other online geniuses' work!
LOL . . . LOL . . . LOLOLOLOL
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Me, my brother, and our cousins a few years back.
KIDS! RUNTS! RUG RATS! PUNKS!
Don't run. Don't run. Yes, they can be nightmares with truncated limbs. Yes, they can ruin flights, car trips, clothing, and general peacefulness. Yes, they are a huge responsibility that can end your adult life.
But they're so cute!
Many people refuse to have children for fear of ruining their lives. That is a GREAT mistake. Children are fun, funky, and downright useful.
So, get your thoughts out of the local daycare glimpse that frightened you recently. Open your mind to the possibilities of parenthood! Relax. Kids can be fun. I'll prove it!
Let KOOVIES convince you to have booger-flicking, head-bumping, scream-machine, pesto-sauce-diaper-wearing children.
15 REASONS YOU SHOULD HAVE KIDS
1) YOU CAN GIVE THEM PERSONALIZED HAIRCUTS
Daddy . . . (sniffle) . . . you bastard.
2) YOU CAN TEACH THEM TO POOP BESIDE THEIR BEDS WITH THE FAMILY DOG
Uhhhhhnnnnnn.
3) YOU CAN TAKE THEM ON SUNDAY DRIIVES THROUGH THE PARK
Lovely weather we're having, eh son?
4) YOU CAN FORCE THEM TO PLAY SPORTS
Boys just can't resist kicking balls. Of all sorts.
Always bet on black.
Yes, that's me. Shut up. No, really. Shut up.
5) YOU CAN WATCH THEM BLOSSOM INTO YOUNG GENTLEMEN
Nothing like a well-mannered young man.
Yes, Johnny. That is the meaning of life.
Like father, like son.
6) YOU CAN PUT THEM IN THE FRIDGE AND TIME THEIR ESCAPES
25 minutes and counting.
7) YOU CAN TEACH THEM ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON
No comment.
8) YOU CAN TAKE THEM TO JAMAICA ON HOLIDAY
Dude . . . (cough-cough) . . . Dude . . .
9) YOU CAN TEACH THEM NEW AND INTERESTING THINGS
Go team, go!
Boy Scouts of New Jersey, USA
8-yr-old Dick Cheney during Bible class.
10) YOU CAN PUNCH THEM IN THE STOMACH
Take that! Last time YOU change the channel on Daddy!
11) YOU CAN TEACH THEM TO HONE THEIR PSYCHIC POWERS AND ATTACK FRIENDS
Daddy said let him borrow money! Now!
12) YOU CAN HAVE AN AFRICAN AMERICAN AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS
Why can't we all just get along?
Ghetto Bike Mike. What up, playas?
13) YOU CAN FEED THEM TO CLOWNS
Evil clowns get hungry too.
14) YOU CAN SUPER-SIZE THEM
The Michelin Man had kids?
15) YOU CAN EAT THEM WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THEM
Newborn Stew. Tastes great with pumpernickel bread.
Garlic Butter Baby Sandwich. Only 400 calories!
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Nice of Dick Cheney to pose for a book cover.
So . . . like vampires? Like unsexy, bloody-mawed, slavering, pale bastards? Then you voted Republican in the last election? Just kidding. You like monsters of the night!
Like the Norse gods? Like Thor? Have a sympathetic cottage in your heart for those ancient Pagans? Wish the Christian juggernaut got its just returns for the squashing of innocent Pagan cultures throughout history?
Well, then this novel is begging you to read it.
Centuries ago, the god Thor is perturbed by the Christian menace. Mighty Thor charges a Norseman and his tribe with the extinguishing of encroaching Christian cultures. He grants him an army of the undead, essentially. Norse vampires! Very original.
Flash to this century. Of course, the Norse chieftain was unsuccessful. But the bargain has not expired. In modern times the descendants of these Norse tribes-people converge on the sleepy town of Leppington. Both the undead soldiers of Christianity's downfall and a few major Norse figures from the original bargain find themselves reunited. Only problem is, the Norse leaders have no idea that they are the reincarnated souls from way back when--Thor's chosen failures.
This time around the reincarnated souls are pitted against the dark legion of vampires! And the odds are about 4 to 400! The action takes place in the Station Motel and the meandering tunnels which lie beneath the entire town of Leppington. As the threat thickens, the heroes begin to discover who and what they are. But is a sprinkling of the supernatural enough to stop the onslaught of an undead army?
I read this a while back, but I remember being impressed with the premise immensely. Still am. The writing is quality; the suspense is driven by a curiousity to untangle the reincarnation storyline; and the book has a few nicely frightening moments. Unfortunately, the book does not develop the characters enough so that one cares deeply about what happens to them. I always regretted that I almost cared for the protagonists--just not fleshed out enough!
The idea is a great one, undeveloped to its greatest potential--IMHO. The action is fun, but don't expect an Interview with the Vampire complexity. If only Clark had taken more care!
I recommend it if you LOVE vamps. If not, the book is begging to be sampled in the bookstore first. Shared on
Kids are damn scary creatures and Koontz proves it.
The Voice of the Night is a begging book: begging to be read. From the very first line of this novel, one knows that a thrilling adventure awaits--a twisted carnival ride of underage heroes and pubescent monsters
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News You'll Hopefully Never Need
Greetings! Welcome to KOOVIES News. Useless, offensive, and always good with cookies. Breaking news today
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Dean Koontz has key-pummeled another novel into fruition that deals a good fright, a persistent mystery, and a floppy-preachy-wishy-washy ending. Yep. This novel is begging to be read half-way through and thrown at your local librarian
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Nice graphics . . . but does she play GTA 4?
Girlfriends! Wives! Significant others! Mistresses! Fembots! Ghost lovers! Yes, yes, they are all pretty great. They serve their purposes, fellas. But there is one lady who never fails to please--unless there is a power outage. Your cute little gaming console!
Tight. She must work out. Nice paddle too.
Like they say . . . once you go black . . .
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If there were a God, surely Robin and Aquaman would be dead.
Ok, folks. It's time to finish casting the Justice League. As I said before, I think we should be picking the cast. The nerds. The comic geeks. The Stan Lee true believers! Yeah, this is DC, but DC never had a charismatic old grandpa superhero-creator who is so lovable and endearing that you want to buy him a coffee, a cookie, his favorite adult magazine, and listen to all his stories
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News You'll Hopefully Never Need
Welcome to GOOVIES News. Bringing you the most important headlines you'll never need. In today's news
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Comments (3)
Comment by Joseph R. Terrazzino
on This Just In: KOOVIES News
Koovies
Thank you, my nizzle!
More brain farts to come.